Starting Uni

[SerenBach]

hi im new round here so hi!!

im starting Uni in about 7 weeks and im terrified.
its a small uni with only about 3,000 people in cos i could never handle a huge one.

im mostly scared of living with complete strangers and freshers week where everyone is expected to socialise and get drunk.

if i dont get involved then i will be left out and not make friends and hate it. i do want to go and have a good time but all the pressure to have a good time will probably overwhelme me.

i dont handle talking to strangers well at all. and even though we may share some common ground i still think there going to be extremely different from me and not be able to understand.

also there is a slight pressure to find a bf/gf and i handle that even worse than strangers. i can not talk to a boy full stop. i cant make eye contact and say hardly anything and probably come across as rude or something. ive gotten used to the idea of being alone and now see at as normal but i dont think people at uni will see it that way.

by xmas i'll be laughing at myself thinking what was all the fuss about. but for now im petrified. thoughts go through me mind at 100mph about what their going to be like and different scenarios etc.

ant suggestions or advice is gratefully recieved

 

[NothingElseMatters]

well my only advice is when you go to the uni focus on the studying first(dont forget y you r there) and also on the people YOU want to meet and leave 'what is expected' on the side.And good luck

 

[market.garden]

You should give it a go during freshers week. Even if it feels like you have to force yourself to go out.
I was freaking out before I started uni, but one thing that's important to remember is that everyone is gonna be nervous, scared and a little overwhelmed when they first start. I found that was a good time to quietly slide into things, because I didn't exactly stand out as a nervous or anxious kind of guy as everyone else was at first too.

And don't worry too much about the whole bf/gf thing. I knew loads of people who went through it without getting 'involved' with other people. There's enough going on as it is.

Let us all know how it goes!

 

[JCS008]

Defintely do not let the shock of a new scene get to you. College is what you make out of it. I'd suggest studying and working hard in school, no matter how much you may miss home or feel lonely. Get involved in one or two organizations that are of interest to you. And don't worry about meeting new people. Most of them are in the same situation as you. They're new to college and don't know many people, if anyone at all. So they're just as shy and have the same concerns as you. So just try to relax and remember everyone is going through the same worries as you.

College is a great place and definitely one of the best times of your life. As long as you work hard and meet a lot of people, it'll be great for you. Try not to worry about all the other little details. So good luck to you and enjoy it!

 

[klytus]

I am starting university in two months, just like you. There'll be approx. 10'000 people around me. I don't worry too much, because I know I won't make any friends there, and do not intend to - that means, I won't proactively look for friends. The reason why I go there is to learn something, to excel at the subject, and to lay a firm foundation for my future career. Friendships, people are transient. The knowledge, the skills, the understanding of reality I may acquire there is not.

I am no longer interested in searching for a girlfriend. If it happens, I welcome it - if nothing happens, I couldn't care less. The person I would want to be with must be very special anyway, and I won't settle for less. Especially because my studies are my priority.

Plus the fact that I don't drink, don't smoke, don't take drugs, hate to laugh, and have almost no emotions, I wouldn't be good company for those who just want to have fun, socialize and get drunk. I'd most likely just make their stay worse, as I wouldn't restrain myself from interrupting their party, should I deem it too wild.

For me, there's nothing that would be more fun than to sit at home, in front of my precious computers, and study the structure of reality, by day and night.

What I hope for, though, is that people at university will be more mature than their analogues at high-school were.

 

[JCS008]

What I hope for, though, is that people at university will be more mature than their analogues at high-school were.

You're probably out of luck there buddy. If anything, some of these people are away from home for the first time in their entire lives. So that means, they'll be looking to party, hookup and get drunk or high like its going out of style. Of course there are the people who are there just to study, get and education and eventually get a job. But unfortunately, the louder voice on most campuses are the ones who put a notch in their belt for every beer they can chug and every shot they can take.

 

[klytus]

You're probably out of luck there buddy. If anything, some of these people are away from home for the first time in their entire lives. So that means, they'll be looking to party, hookup and get drunk or high like its going out of style. <...> But unfortunately, the louder voice on most campuses are the ones who put a notch in their belt for every beer they can chug and every shot they can take.

Rah. You can't always get what you want.

 

[Shinigami]

In the first week or so almost all of even the very most confident of freshers will be nervous like yourself. These people seem to be a bit better at ignoring that uncomfortable feeling we are all familiar with especially when meeting/ talking to new people. But you can do this too, perhaps not as well as some of them, yet maybe...maybe its worth a go?

Im starting to think I sound very much a hypochondriac by saying this. However next time I get that feeling im going to try, really try and use it as an indicator to say something (Anything). Another idea I was having is asking them just one question (just one) after the usual hi, how are you and not letting the other person(s) having the last word as often as usual.

Easier said than done almost definately.

 

[madmike]

Went through exactly the same last year, it's been a positive experience overall so definitely go through with it. It wont be easy though...

My biggest piece of advice is probably to focus on studying, that way you put less pressure on yourself and you can be more relaxed and show your true self around others. I believe at freshers too many people act really fake to make friends, so people will appreciate it if you're genuine.

Just be yourself!

 

[Jimsie]

I am currently at university, i worried about the same stuff as you before going. I think i only went out once during freshers week and found that pretty awkward. The first year is usually ok though. People are usually friendly when they talk to you but they wont notice too much if you keep yourself to yourself since there are so many new people around. Its the 2nd and 3rd year im finding much more difficult with sharing a house, but you can easily avoid that if you get more comfortable with a few people.

As others are saying, just focus on your studies and dont worry about the social crap that some people would 'expect'. Hopefully you will make some decent friends and become more confident. If not then it dosn't matter, as long as your doing what you want to do.