Starting new

[Moonie]

"Know what my number one fantasy used to be? I used to think about one day, just not telling anyone, and going off to some random place. And I'd just ... disappear. And they'd never see me again." Enid, from Ghost World.


Has anyone else had a fantasy like this? Ever since I was in middle school- I thought I was going to shift myself west after HS or college and I would just suddenly become a different person - more fun, more outgoing, more happy, more talkative, more beautiful, successful etc, etc. Maybe I thought that a new location would help me reinvent myself. I wouldn't have reminders and people who see me as shy and timid and unassertive. I could start anew.

I am now 25, I am a college graduate, living at home, and working part time. My number one fantasy is still to just up and go one night - on a bus or train to somewhere new. But, in reality, I couldn't do this. How would I be able to survive in a new location without any money or place to stay? How would I be brave enough even attempt this? And I know now that I will never transform into some magical person like I always dreamt about in school. I will still be me. Yet, I still want a new and exciting change.

Has anyone moved far away on their own? How did you make it happen? Does anyone else have this fantasy to just go and be alone and try and make a life for yourself. I am old enough to do so, but as I said, don't have the money or guts to do it. Any advice?

 

[Psychedelicious]

Ooh wow, I have always wanted the same thing. In fact, I was just thinking about it a few minutes ago. I want to just leave this town, go somewhere completely new, without anybody or anything. I want new people, a new chance, a new place, and a new life. I actually liek the idea of just going somewhere new, with no material possessions, no money, no place to live, just to see how it will turn out in the end. I of course have never done such a thing. I can still actually see myself doing it, I of course can't because of my age, but maybe someday. It's not like I have anything to leave behind, I need somewhere new .

 

[Len]

I want to get away from the city life that I am in now and live in some rural place where there is little technology. I am tired of all these people I meet day in day out who mean nothing to me and who are so self-centred that they will never mean anything to me. I am hoping that I can do this within the next 5 years.

I have had that fantasy about just getting up and living somewhere where nobody knows me. If I was not in a relationship then I would definately do it. I used to love city life but now it is just bringing me down. I hardly ever meet the same person twice and I am tired of telling new people who I am and how I got here and having to repeat the same thing to other new people.

Moonie. Why don't you look up a map and find a relatively remote place and look up the jobs in the area. It may be a quiet rural hotel or pub. Then if you moved you would have a job and an income and be able to get to know people in the community. If it doesn't work out then you could always move back. Make sure you save up some money first though like $2k or something. Just a suggestion.

 

[bulldog21083]

I have sort of done that, although not by choice. I am in the military, so every 3 or 4 years I have to transfer to a different part of the country. When I joined when I was 19 I didn't have many friends from my hometown. So I got a fresh start in a new city that ended up being 8 hours from home. Granted it wasn't that far, but I was moving to a city I had never been to where I knew absolutly no one. It started a little slow, but I worked with 4 other guys around my same age. We lived in barracks on base, so we spent a lot of our off time together. The good thing about it was they didn't have any family or anything either. So after awhile we all became pretty good friends, but then they started to transfer. It was definitly tough at first, and after I got to know them well (took a few months) they admitted to me that they though I was weird at first cause I was so quiet. They were the best friends I've ever had.

So four years later I had to transfer. This time it was to the east coast, where once again I didn't know anyone and live 10 hours from my family back home.

It's been a lot tougher to make friends this time. I think part of it is now I'm 25, relationships with people are a little different then where a few years ago. It's was also tough just becasue when I came here everyone knew each other very well and would always talk about stuff that happened before I even got here. How am I supposed to join in a conversation about that?

So I have lived here for a year and still haven't made any friends outside people I talk to at work. Basically I have no social life.

It's nice to get a fresh start every few years, but it's also incredibly frustrating. Before I moved out here last summer everything finally started to go good. I had a decent group of friends and I was happy with my social life, other than not having a girlfriend. But then I had to move out here and start all over again and leave it all behind.

You mentioned that you feel you will never transform into some magical person like you ever dreamt. It won't happen overnight, you just gotta work at it. Personally I think anyone that has a socail phobia would struggle moving somewhere new for a fresh start. I think your best bet is just to keep working at it and eventually you'll get close to where you want to be. The last 6 months I spent in my old city before I moved I really opened up quite a bit. Maybe it was because I knew I was moving so I subconciously didn't care what they thought of me, but I loosened up a lot more. It made me regret that I didn't open up sooner.

 

[Duder456]

Yes I wanted to move to a beach town and bum around but ultimately it's just a form of escapism I think, I'm pretty sure most people with SA think about it at one point but you can't run away from yourself :wink:
True change comes from within.

And that's all the fortune cookie wisdom I have right now.

 

[milo001]

yes,i used to think that when i'm in high school or college i could change to a person who have lots of friends i even go out of state to study because when i'm in college because i want to try makes lots of friends i did talk to lots of peoples but i'm still uncomfortable and i decided to stick with the 2 peoples who i like best the most.i realize i'm not a suitable to be with the big,loud group that i'm with at first.i just fell uncomfortable being with them and can't talk to some of them.we can't be the peoples that we always dream of.