swallowtail
New member
So, I'm a brand new member, but I used to read all the threads on here several years ago when my SA got really bad in school. I ended up having to withdrawal from my classes because of panic attacks just thinking of going on campus.
I've been on benzos since, as well as other meds for my bipolar disorder, and was actually doing quite well for awhile. Then everything went to hell and I've moved back home and been a recluse for about a year. I'm 25 and I'm just tired of living like this, so I started going back to therapy (even though I've never gotten help from it before) and started a job hunt. I'm used to living in the city but where I'm living now only has about 50,000 people in it. I mention this because I knew that if I had any luck of being able to stick with a job (I've got a rather spotty employment record from anxiety/BP episodes) I'd need to do something I actually enjoyed and was comfortable in...but this place has nothing like that. No record stores or book stores or anything like that. So, I had to go back to what I know/what I said I'd never do again - Retail.
I got an interview at a fairly high end fashion store (no idea what it's doing in this town) and almost didn't make it because of worrying about the interview itself/what to wear/everything. Somehow I got the job, but tomorrow is my first shift and I've been freaking out all week. Can't get it out of my mind to just call and say "I'm so sorry but I can't do this." I have no idea on how to dress. One day I went in and the store manager was just wearing jeans and a cardigan. Another day he was wearing trousers and a tie. All of this had set my anxiety higher and made my (mostly) dormant ED come back. I guess I'm thin now, according to Doctors/people, but I used to be thinner and most of the clothes that I feel are appropriate don't quite fit. They do...but not how I want them to; Not how they used to. So I've been starving myself all week and just having constant anxiety.
...and it doesn't help that I am short on my benzos. My refill is next week and I only have enough for one a day because of having to take an extra several times this month because of interviews and all that.
Sorry for the long rant/tangents. I just know that reading everyone's threads always helped me to calm down a little back in school and I also needed a place to vent where the only reaction wouldn't be "Just calm down. You're overacting." A place where people can actually relate. I don't expect many replies on this but any would be appreciated.
I've been on benzos since, as well as other meds for my bipolar disorder, and was actually doing quite well for awhile. Then everything went to hell and I've moved back home and been a recluse for about a year. I'm 25 and I'm just tired of living like this, so I started going back to therapy (even though I've never gotten help from it before) and started a job hunt. I'm used to living in the city but where I'm living now only has about 50,000 people in it. I mention this because I knew that if I had any luck of being able to stick with a job (I've got a rather spotty employment record from anxiety/BP episodes) I'd need to do something I actually enjoyed and was comfortable in...but this place has nothing like that. No record stores or book stores or anything like that. So, I had to go back to what I know/what I said I'd never do again - Retail.
I got an interview at a fairly high end fashion store (no idea what it's doing in this town) and almost didn't make it because of worrying about the interview itself/what to wear/everything. Somehow I got the job, but tomorrow is my first shift and I've been freaking out all week. Can't get it out of my mind to just call and say "I'm so sorry but I can't do this." I have no idea on how to dress. One day I went in and the store manager was just wearing jeans and a cardigan. Another day he was wearing trousers and a tie. All of this had set my anxiety higher and made my (mostly) dormant ED come back. I guess I'm thin now, according to Doctors/people, but I used to be thinner and most of the clothes that I feel are appropriate don't quite fit. They do...but not how I want them to; Not how they used to. So I've been starving myself all week and just having constant anxiety.
...and it doesn't help that I am short on my benzos. My refill is next week and I only have enough for one a day because of having to take an extra several times this month because of interviews and all that.
Sorry for the long rant/tangents. I just know that reading everyone's threads always helped me to calm down a little back in school and I also needed a place to vent where the only reaction wouldn't be "Just calm down. You're overacting." A place where people can actually relate. I don't expect many replies on this but any would be appreciated.