Sponteaneous eye contact can be extremely hard!!!

[cobalt_bluester]

My main problem is avoidance and discomfort with eye contact.
I find the more stressed I get the harder it is. I also have a problem in knowing where to look at someone on the face, and I have become very aware of this and this in turn makes me more stressed. This has, in the long term, led me to have quite serious depression and confidence problems. I have been on anti-depressants for the last 15 years now and they only just about help me get by.

Does anyone else have very similar problems to this?

Yours sadly,
Richard

 

[recluse]

I sometimes feel uncomfortable maintaining eye contact, but it depends on the person I'm talking to usually.

 

[cobalt_bluester]

yes maintaining eye contact is hard. If I feel that somebody does not like me then I find it really hard to initiate any eye contact whatsoever.

 

[TBone87]

i thought i was the only one, i agree with EVERYTHING that's been said here. my main problem is that, because i don't know where to look on someone's face and that in turn makes me more anxious, it means that i find it difficult to concentrate on what they are saying...

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

I agree with the previous coments. I alwayse use to think that I am the only one who looks at a persons ears to make them think I am looking them in their eyes.

 

[LaLaLa]

It's okay with friends, but even now, I'm starting to get more nervous around them... everybody in general. :? (except my brother. He has this learning disability + he's autistic so I'm not really scared of him)

I'm in class every day and I'm not even sure what half of the class look like (I recognise their outline) because I don't even look at them unless they were right there in my face. 8O

 

[M1tCh]

I find that, with age, eye contact and maintaining it, has become gradually/progressively easier. Granted, it's still difficult at times and around certain people, but at least I don't blush or twitch anymore. Anyhow, the point is that this can be worked on effectively if one persists.

Keep confident/positive. 8)

 

[Doomed2Die]

Heh many of us could say the same LaLaLa, I could not remember peoples faces because I never looked at them for a rather long time... though like M1tCh I have gotten progress with it. I think I can hold eye contact for like 10 secs but if im discussing something meaningful I can go full on with it. Again like M1tCh said, stay positive and build up your confidence.

 

[scissorhands]

I am sort of backwards, I find it extremely easy to make eye contact with someone who doesn't like me, I burn a hole right through their heads, but fnd it harder to make eye contact with those I respect.

 

[UnhappyGuy]

Yes I have that problem, although I didn't really notice it until I started with therapy.

He noticed that I didn't give him any eye contact... So over a couple of sessions he persuaded me to give him 3 seconds of eye contact.

As he explains... It's awkward and anxiety provoking at first... But the more you do it, the more you're brain learns from it.

 

[thequietone]

Yes! Eye contact can be rough, with new people especially. I understand what you mean, cobalt_bluester, it can be seriously depressing. I remember I went to a movie with my friend and her male cousin. He was really nice, but I honestly can't picture his face because I was too shy to even look! I've been on antidepressants/antianxiety for about...17 years now. I still have trouble keeping eye contact, but I've been forcing myself.
Here's a tip that helped me: Don't think about THEM seeing YOU. Try to work up the curiosity to see what THEY look like. I'm an art student, and I love doing portraits, so this has particularly helped me.