That was a great answer. Well thought out and well put. I feel your pain brother! You pretty much described my thoughts exactly... Well done...
Source of your anxiety?
- Thread starter Argamemnon
- Start date
I think maybe for me it's the fear of being inferior to others. Whenever a group of people get together, there will always be someone who ends up being the bottom rung, the butt of the jokes, the weaker of the species, etc. I'm scared to be that guy....and yet I often find myself filling that position....when the other people are louder, have better opinions, more intelligent, are funnier, deeper, more attractive, etc....inside I feel like I'm as interesting and as worthy as anyone else.....but in combat I always instinctively submit....I just can't be bothered to fight....I'll just let everyone else slug out their power struggles above me, while I get comfortable on my bottom rung and await the barage of crap that is fated for my head.....but on the bright side, at least if I always take the bottom rung, it spares others the embarrassment.
and I think the reason I am like this is because I grew up the youngest of four kids and my life followed certain patterns in the first 10 years....namely this scenario: family gets together....older siblings are loudest...I am the butt of their jokes....I feel small....mum comes to the rescue and tells my siblings off....mum comforts me....I feel redeemed. And now that I'm older I still feel like this pattern is inbuilt into my nature. In group situations I almost feel like I immediately adopt that bottom rung role cause that's MY role....that's who I am.....and I instinctively wait for the jokes and insults.....and when they inevitably come....I feel small....but then usually what comes next is that comfort from my mum......so I wait for it.....only problem is that, now I'm all grown up, there's no-one there to comfort me anymore.....so it's just a cycle of destruction without any reconstruction.....which is a hard cycl;e to break out of without feeling fake or like I'm denying my true nature.
but I dunno....this is just a theory I just thought up....maybe it's just DNA, maybe something else.....or maybe I'm just a coward, or maybe I really am just weaker or more inferior to everyone else!?