Someone booked me a stripper... what should I do?

GKJB

GKJB

Active member
It's my 18th birthday on Friday, & so far this past few days I've been more anxious than I've ever been before. My sister is taking me out to some bars & pubs on Saturday with her mates & our family, which I'm already anxious enough about. But now her mate has booked me a stripper... I don't think I'll be able to handle all the attention focused on me from everyone. I told my sister a few weeks ago to make sure nobody books me a stripper because I'll be too embarassed, but I think she just found it strange that I didn't like the idea because she doesn't know how anxious I am because I always feel comfortable when I'm round her house.

What can I do?

I really didn't want to go anywhere for my birthday, but everyone was like 'you have to its your 18th' but at the end of the day, if I'm not going to enjoy myself then why set it up for me? I told them all that I want to stay in & have a quiet one but they wouldn't listen. Now its gone so far that I can't just tell everyone I'm not coming. I;m worried I'll let everyone down because when it comes to the day I might end up ignoring my phone & door & everyone will hate me for wasting the effort they've all made

My sister said they're all gonna be forcing drinks down my neck but I don;t want to drink anymore because whenever I do I spend days feeling ashamed & depressed afterwards. I hate birthdays :(
 
RedRibbons

RedRibbons

Well-known member
It's completely unfair that they are imposing things on you that you don't want. They are being disrespectful. Tell them that you'll go out for dinner, but no stripper...? Stop letting them push you around and disrespect you like that. Maybe talk to one of your parents or something...? Sometimes I find the only way to get people to understand how serious I am is to get angry. Exercise your freedom of choice.
 
dpr

dpr

Well-known member
I've never really understood the whole "hiring a stripper for a night" thing, cuz you don't get to see them until they get to the door. And let's get real, 90% of strippers are ugly as sin. Just tell your sister's friend that. That you think strippers are tacky, and you're not into it. Tell him, "It's just not my thing."

But I think you should go to the party. Seems like whenever I force myself to go to these "social outings" they usually turn out better than I expected, and I feel silly for being so worried beforehand. And the few times that my fears were realized and I have felt uncomfortable at the party, I at least feel somewhat proud of myself that I got up and went. The times when I make up some excuse and don't go, I feel relieved at first, but then I usually feel guilty, ashamed, etc. afterwards.
 
GKJB

GKJB

Active member
RedRibbons said:
It's completely unfair that they are imposing things on you that you don't want. They are being disrespectful. Tell them that you'll go out for dinner, but no stripper...? Stop letting them push you around and disrespect you like that. Maybe talk to one of your parents or something...? Sometimes I find the only way to get people to understand how serious I am is to get angry. Exercise your freedom of choice.
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Thanks for replying

I think they just want me to have the best time possible, but their idea of a good time is different to mine, if I tell her I don't a stripper she's probably gonna think I'm gay (something I already worry about people thinking because I never have girlfriends because of SA, making me more anxious & paranoid)

I don't want to be harsh to anyone because they're doing their best to give me a good birthday, I probably didn't make it clear enough that I didn't want to do what they wanted. I'm not too bothered about going to a few bars, I already told them I'm not going clubbing. I'll be happy if everyone does their own thing so I'm not the centre of attention, which is what i'll definately be if they get a stripper :x

This is what I'm gonna text her, let me know if it sounds stupid or harsh:-

"She needs to unbook it. [the stripper] I wanted a quiet one really but everyone wanted me to go out so I'm gonna come out but I aint getting smashed. Sorry if I sound ungrateful and that but I hate being the centre of attention, I know i'll have a good time and that but I want it to be chilled. Everyone might think i'm boring but I act like an idiot when I drink too much. Everyone can do their own thing when we're out anyway x"

Sorry for the essay, just a bit of a crappy situation
 
GKJB

GKJB

Active member
dpr said:
I've never really understood the whole "hiring a stripper for a night" thing, cuz you don't get to see them until they get to the door. And let's get real, 90% of strippers are ugly as sin. Just tell your sister's friend that. That you think strippers are tacky, and you're not into it. Tell him, "It's just not my thing."

But I think you should go to the party. Seems like whenever I force myself to go to these "social outings" they usually turn out better than I expected, and I feel silly for being so worried beforehand. And the few times that my fears were realized and I have felt uncomfortable at the party, I at least feel somewhat proud of myself that I got up and went. The times when I make up some excuse and don't go, I feel relieved at first, but then I usually feel guilty, ashamed, etc. afterwards.
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I 100% agree. I will go to the party so long as the stripper is dropped. I feel guilty when I miss events as well, though sometimes I find it too difficult to go. Thing is I always make a complete tit of myself when drink's invloved, I end up more drunk than everyone else so I show myself up more than everyone else :roll:
 
RedRibbons

RedRibbons

Well-known member
I think you should keep the text short and sweet..

Like..

I'd like to go out, but I don't want a stripper. I appreciate it, but it's not my idea of 'fun', please respect my choice.

Or you can make it sound manly if you want. lol or completely different. Just getting too deep about it doesn't really help.
 
OhioTodd

OhioTodd

New member
I don't really know that I would recommend getting drunk. It may work but it may also make it worse. I have found drinking can go either way when dealing with my S.A.D. I sometimes don't get mentally drunk - 110% alert in my brain, but everything else about me is drunk, so then I am just overanalyzing the fact people are all looking at me funny for slurring my words and losing all motor skills. Then the problem just gets worse than it originally was.
 
GKJB

GKJB

Active member
RedRibbons said:
I think you should keep the text short and sweet..

Like..

I'd like to go out, but I don't want a stripper. I appreciate it, but it's not my idea of 'fun', please respect my choice.

Or you can make it sound manly if you want. lol or completely different. Just getting too deep about it doesn't really help.
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Cool I get ya :lol: cheers

This is what I sent:-

"I wanna go out and that but I don't want no bitchwhore stripper :D, seriously though get her to cancel it its only gonna embarass me then I'll be f****d off x"

hopefully she'll tell her properly, her mates a bit of a nutter :roll:

OhioTodd said:
I don't really know that I would recommend getting drunk. It may work but it may also make it worse. I have found drinking can go either way when dealing with my S.A.D. I sometimes don't get mentally drunk - 110% alert in my brain, but everything else about me is drunk, so then I am just overanalyzing the fact people are all looking at me funny for slurring my words and losing all motor skills. Then the problem just gets worse than it originally was.
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Ha yeah I get what you mean, I often 'think' I'm completely sober and can think pretty straight but stumble around everywhere. Another problem I have is that I sometimes see girls looking at me and assume they want me to chat them up & get their number, when actually they're looking at me weird because I'm walking like a twat & talking weird :lol:

That makes me feel stupid for days
 
bulldog21083

bulldog21083

Well-known member
On one hand I want to say lucky you, I wouldn't mind if someone did that for my birthday.

But I also totally understand why you don't want a stripper. I've gone to strip clubs a few times with some friends, I'll admitt I was a little uncomfortable at at first. Obviously you go there to look at the dancers, but I just felt almost like a pervert when I looked. Plus if I smiled I really felt like people would think I'm a creep. At one point one of the strippers asked me what was wrong cause I wasn't smiling. After a while I finally just relaxed a little more.

But then when my friends bought me a lapdance on my birthday and it was just me and the stripper, that was a whole nother akward scenario. I just didn't know how I was supposed to act.
 
ripewithdecay

ripewithdecay

Well-known member
Actually stripper's are kinda corny I always thought.
Some guys can't get enough of it but I can just see how hard they try to look sexy and it's all so fake and for what...?
You know they hate their job. You know you're just going to get 'teased' and then she's gonna turn around and rub all over another paying customer.
Eck, just stupid imo.

I'd rather a chick I already knew do it :p
 
GKJB

GKJB

Active member
It aint the fact she's a stripper that bothers me, if it was just me and her I don't think I;d have too much of a problem. If I went to a lapdance club with my 'mates' I don't think I'd have a problem either. Its the fact that everyone would be watching me for my reactions, I wouldn;t know what to do. It'd be like being on stage. I hate being the centre of attention, as I'm sure most of the people on this forum do. It makes me really anxious, which is why I posted.

Anyway, I think I may have sorted it with my sister. She wasn't too happy because it cost her money to cancel, even though I did tell her a few weeks back not to let her mate get me one. Turns out she was in on it the whole time. I basically said the only reason she was pushing for me to have one was for her and everyone else's entertainment, as she already knew it would embarass me. She said she's cancelled it... but I don;t 100% believe her :roll:
 
Jame

Jame

Member
Hope one doesn't actually turn up on the day :p God id be so embarressed if someone I knew booked one for me, let us know how it goes on the day ;P
 
bulldog21083

bulldog21083

Well-known member
GKJB said:
It aint the fact she's a stripper that bothers me, if it was just me and her I don't think I;d have too much of a problem. If I went to a lapdance club with my 'mates' I don't think I'd have a problem either. Its the fact that everyone would be watching me for my reactions, I wouldn;t know what to do. It'd be like being on stage. I hate being the centre of attention, as I'm sure most of the people on this forum do. It makes me really anxious, which is why I posted.

Anyway, I think I may have sorted it with my sister. She wasn't too happy because it cost her money to cancel, even though I did tell her a few weeks back not to let her mate get me one. Turns out she was in on it the whole time. I basically said the only reason she was pushing for me to have one was for her and everyone else's entertainment, as she already knew it would embarass me. She said she's cancelled it... but I don;t 100% believe her :roll:
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Know I know exactly what you mean. I've been in a similiar situation, although it didn't involve a stripper. Basically I was hanging out with people from work, I'm not really close to any of them but I still talk to them and occasionally we hang out outside of work.
Anyway we were watching the major league baseball playoffs last year and my favorite team was playing. Whenever my team scored I never showed any emotion. They would kind of laugh/joke about it saying "wow, they just got a 3 run homer and he just sits there. Absolutly no reaction".
It's also happens when we play beer pong. I'll make one, and other than high-fiving my teammate and maybe a fist pump, I don't show any other emotion.

But that's just how I am, I don't really "wear my emotions on my sleeve".
 
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