social phobia in the train

[Falkor]

hi

are there more people like me who have social anxiety in the train
i have it very severely but i do have to travel by train every 2 weeks
because my girlfriend lives 3 hours away from me

today i will be leaving home from her house to mine by train
and it's insanely crowded mostly in the train
i am also in fear of the public places where i need to switch trains
walking off and on the trains while people are watching me
and i feel my knees shake and my facial tension is extreme
especially when i am sitting in front of someone
and they look at me, it's like i feel like a big tensed face i get all nerves you can imagine, it's real, i can't explain what it is, haven't figured out yet why it comes back to me all the times. because i expose myself to it , so it must go away they say, but it still haven't. and it's not easy for me
but i will do this for my girlfriend, i just hope the SA will reduce
how???

do you have any advice or suggestions what i could do
yeah i'm wearing my sunglasses even when the sun is down
i listen to music, i try to read books, but it still doesn't go away
it's like my nerves take control, only when there are people thuogh

when the train is empty and nobody is sitting near, i feel awesome
or when the public space is empty (never happens tho)
i know it's crazy that when there are people i am afraid
i love people, i like socialising, but the problem is
when they're all strangers, i freak out

i think the main reason is
when someone is sitting in front of me
i get uncomfortable
and i act uncomfortaable
with facial expression and body language
and the more i get uncomfortable
the more i feel like people can see it
you could consider it being a tic from tourettes
everytime i see people, i become a weird lunatic, a robotic awkward silly person
if i would ever have to draw something when someone sees me drawing, i would make a ugly painting
that's happens, the nerves, i can't perform anything because i'm afraid if people observe me
it's like the eyes are the soul and they fridge me so much

it's like i have a fear of the unknown
i am terribly anxious and i show that off so they look even more at me
and then i just feel like walking to the toilet
but then the anxiety is so worse, that i can't even stand up
to walk there, because i need to face too many people on the way to the toilet
so i just sit there dying .... with the feeling of claustrophobia, because all people are just too close.... they can see all my emotions and it feels like choking... it's so stupid, if it were my girlfriend or my family i wouldn't have this (except for the families i'm not connected with) i have a very weird anixety..

can someone please explain me what this fear is
why do i feel like i'm dying when someone is in front of me
why do i check them all the time, to check if they're not watching me
i think people watch me... i don't want people to see my emotions
it's terribly fearful

it's so odd.... because my biggest hobby is singing and i need to perform
tomorrow, in the evening. for like a small audience, but the fun part is, is that i feel like dying also on stage... when they look at me, i forget the lyrics what i want to sing, i smile bizarrely i dance weird, i sometimes don't make the right tones when i sing.. so tomorrow will be another hell.. but if i did not have SA i woulld have rocked... because if i did not have this fear, i would dance like i never did before... and i would be MYSELF

but SA became myself..

do you guys get me ?? its so hard to explain and i feel like dying now i don't wanna go by train.. damnn.. heart pounding.. tips please??

 

[neardeath]

That sounds like a rough way to travel! I have experienced those symptoms, but not on a regular basis.

Can you focus on your girlfriend? Take something comforting with you? Wear a hoodie with the sunglasses? I hope you find ways to cope. Don't be so hard on yourself! I bet your performance is stunning! The self-talk just kills us, doesn't it?

You can do this. The old Cat Stevens song comes to mind:

"Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are"

 

[Lea]

It sounds quite extreme to read, but that´s what social phobia is about. It is no fun! I have been living with this shit my whole life.. It IS irrational, but that´s why it´s hard to do something about.

 

[mikebird]

Nobody speaks in London trains there and back

My worst hate is having lots of noisy children everywhere - pre-school
I can cope with noisy teenagers. There are named silent carriages

Commuting is full of extremely old (40 - 70 fat) playing with their special laptop gizmos, falling asleep or staring out of the windows. I steal booked seats when they're not occupied because it's usually like that. Pushing into a seat to get them to move their coat / bag is important. Always relaxing. I can't quite sleep.

Generally, eye contact can be interesting and just very mildly awkward

Sometimes have to stay away from crowded peak trains and wait for the next

 

[neardeath]

I hope your singing event was a success.

No trains here, but I use a transit bus on a regular basis.

For some reason, my social anxiety does okay in this setting. I think it's fond childhood memories riding the bus with my Mom.

It is harder to walk in to a crowded bus than one with many seating options. I am just one of the miserable masses in this setting, so I just pretend to be aloof. I read. I stare out the window.

I am most grateful to learn in this setting that my life really doesn't seem so bad. I see so many suffering people riding the bus. I find praying to be another useful bus activity.

 

[w*n*c*a*m]

I guess the seating arrangement in your train is not helping at all... you really have to sit facing somebody. I think what you're doing is just fine... the sunglasses, the music, the books... you just have to remember that they're not really looking at you all the time. As long as you don't often do nervous gestures, they won't notice you at all.

I know the feeling, really, because the first few months I got in the train,,, I felt so self conscious and I have this automatic tunnel vision mode where I only focus to where I'm heading at. So when it's crowded, I prefer standing up than scanning for empty seats coz I'm afraid to look around and see other people. But now, I'm relaxed although I still prefer the two seater area near the window so I can sit in peace.