CinnamonCinder
New member
Hey guys,
There are a few mental "issues" I'd say I'm suffering from. It's taken me years to be able to properly recognize, understand, and explain the challenges I face on a daily basis (and to realize that they aren't problems that everyone faces).
As I explain my ailments, I'm very anxious to hear your feedback, and am curious as to whether any of you either
1.) Have any advice, or suggested treatments
2.) Have any similar experiences, or can relate in any way
3.) Have any questions for me
Any and all replies are greatly appreciated.
Basically, I'd break down my ailments into three categories:
1.) Brain Fog: I feel as though I'm never fully in a moment. My brain is often whirring/thinking about other subjects (and not even areas of life that stress me out; oftentimes, they are very trivial). It is very difficult for me to learn new things or begin (and finish) creative tasks, and my short-term memory has gone to complete crap. I took a yogurt out of the fridge today, and seconds later forgot where I put it. I got off on the wrong stop on the subway the other day, and took ANOTHER wrong one after. Learning new information for my job has become incredibly difficult, which is worrisome for me, because I cannot afford to lose this job. I can barely focus on ANYTHING anymore.
I often overlook things, don't notice things that other people do, and have become a complete space cadet. I'm not able to "do" things anymore; my free time now frequently consists of either aimlessly web surfing, or lying around ruminating. I never feel like I can fight my way out of the hazy thought loops that dominate my mind. Which brings me to...
2.) Obsessive-Compulsive Thoughts: I have the whole kit 'n caboodle. I have to make sure my right foot always hits the fifth step. I agonize over which sock should go on which foot. I have to think of a "good" thought as I'm closing my car door (a positive number, person, or idea, etc). The list goes on and on. Additionally, it often will occur only in my head; on a daily basis, I'm constantly thinking about the same subjects on a thought-loop. Sometimes it's a subject anyone would stress over (a girl I like, my job, etc), but many other times, it's something quite trivial (which band is better? etc). And I will revisit these exact same topics OVER and OVER again on a daily basis. Like a whirring machine, I can't turn it off.
The only thing that's eliminated problems 1 and 2 (and feel free to edit this one line out if it doesn't adhere to community standards) is magic mushrooms. They made/make me feel as normal, non-OCD, lucid, and happy as I've ever felt.
3.) Social Anxiety: Meeting new people (I'd say 8 times out of 10) freaks me out. I never know what to say or how to handle myself. When I'm talking to new people, I often feel a sense of stage fright and cannot relax; I also have difficulty accessing my long-term memory, and can only relate to people regarding the "here and now." Even with certain friends, I still fumble to express myself. I never feel like I'm able to express the thoughts in my mind as clearly, confidently, or eloquently as I'd like to. I used to be really good at improvising and talking to people on the spot; now I'm not.
Alcohol completely dissipates this, though. Alternately, talking to people (and meeting people) online also completely eliminates this.
The anxiety I feel in social settings can be felt in other facets of my life as well; oftentimes, when I'm learning new tasks I need to master (for my job, etc), the new information doesn't go "in" right because I'm so filled with anxiety.
Two other items worth mentioning:
-When I was in 7th grade, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, but many of the facets of Asperger's Syndrome don't apply to me, and I'm unsure as to whether it's truly what I have.
-For many years (early 2003 to Dec 2011--nine years), I was on Paxil, and while it dulled my anxiety, it also dulled the rest of my feelings, and often made me feel as though I were living in a dream state, and that I could not fully live in the moment. I gradually came off of it to remedy that, but my feeling of never being able to pay attention to the "moment"/get out of my head has only gotten worse since (I haven't taken it since Dec 2011). I'm not sure whether the Paxil was helping me (and I had developed a tolerance/just needed to take more), or whether it has permanently damaged my brain.
Please, can anyone help me? Any advice, suggested treatments (medications, supplemens, CBT, etc), similar experiences, or questions would be greatly appreciated.
There are a few mental "issues" I'd say I'm suffering from. It's taken me years to be able to properly recognize, understand, and explain the challenges I face on a daily basis (and to realize that they aren't problems that everyone faces).
As I explain my ailments, I'm very anxious to hear your feedback, and am curious as to whether any of you either
1.) Have any advice, or suggested treatments
2.) Have any similar experiences, or can relate in any way
3.) Have any questions for me
Any and all replies are greatly appreciated.
Basically, I'd break down my ailments into three categories:
1.) Brain Fog: I feel as though I'm never fully in a moment. My brain is often whirring/thinking about other subjects (and not even areas of life that stress me out; oftentimes, they are very trivial). It is very difficult for me to learn new things or begin (and finish) creative tasks, and my short-term memory has gone to complete crap. I took a yogurt out of the fridge today, and seconds later forgot where I put it. I got off on the wrong stop on the subway the other day, and took ANOTHER wrong one after. Learning new information for my job has become incredibly difficult, which is worrisome for me, because I cannot afford to lose this job. I can barely focus on ANYTHING anymore.
I often overlook things, don't notice things that other people do, and have become a complete space cadet. I'm not able to "do" things anymore; my free time now frequently consists of either aimlessly web surfing, or lying around ruminating. I never feel like I can fight my way out of the hazy thought loops that dominate my mind. Which brings me to...
2.) Obsessive-Compulsive Thoughts: I have the whole kit 'n caboodle. I have to make sure my right foot always hits the fifth step. I agonize over which sock should go on which foot. I have to think of a "good" thought as I'm closing my car door (a positive number, person, or idea, etc). The list goes on and on. Additionally, it often will occur only in my head; on a daily basis, I'm constantly thinking about the same subjects on a thought-loop. Sometimes it's a subject anyone would stress over (a girl I like, my job, etc), but many other times, it's something quite trivial (which band is better? etc). And I will revisit these exact same topics OVER and OVER again on a daily basis. Like a whirring machine, I can't turn it off.
The only thing that's eliminated problems 1 and 2 (and feel free to edit this one line out if it doesn't adhere to community standards) is magic mushrooms. They made/make me feel as normal, non-OCD, lucid, and happy as I've ever felt.
3.) Social Anxiety: Meeting new people (I'd say 8 times out of 10) freaks me out. I never know what to say or how to handle myself. When I'm talking to new people, I often feel a sense of stage fright and cannot relax; I also have difficulty accessing my long-term memory, and can only relate to people regarding the "here and now." Even with certain friends, I still fumble to express myself. I never feel like I'm able to express the thoughts in my mind as clearly, confidently, or eloquently as I'd like to. I used to be really good at improvising and talking to people on the spot; now I'm not.
Alcohol completely dissipates this, though. Alternately, talking to people (and meeting people) online also completely eliminates this.
The anxiety I feel in social settings can be felt in other facets of my life as well; oftentimes, when I'm learning new tasks I need to master (for my job, etc), the new information doesn't go "in" right because I'm so filled with anxiety.
Two other items worth mentioning:
-When I was in 7th grade, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, but many of the facets of Asperger's Syndrome don't apply to me, and I'm unsure as to whether it's truly what I have.
-For many years (early 2003 to Dec 2011--nine years), I was on Paxil, and while it dulled my anxiety, it also dulled the rest of my feelings, and often made me feel as though I were living in a dream state, and that I could not fully live in the moment. I gradually came off of it to remedy that, but my feeling of never being able to pay attention to the "moment"/get out of my head has only gotten worse since (I haven't taken it since Dec 2011). I'm not sure whether the Paxil was helping me (and I had developed a tolerance/just needed to take more), or whether it has permanently damaged my brain.
Please, can anyone help me? Any advice, suggested treatments (medications, supplemens, CBT, etc), similar experiences, or questions would be greatly appreciated.
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