Social Anxiety - Move Your Frame of Reference INSIDE

[SickJoke]

There are two types of people in this world: those with an INTERNAL frame of reference, and those with an EXTERNAL frame of reference. Another term for this is "locus of control." If you suffer from social anxiety, you more than likely have a STRONG external frame of reference, specifically regarding social situations.

What does that mean? To explain I'll be using ESFR and ISFR as acronyms for "external/internal social frame of reference." I'll also be using the computer term "ping" as a verb.

ping (pĭng) n. A protocol that sends a message to another computer and waits for acknowledgment, often used to check if another computer on a network is reachable.

With an ESFR, you are constantly "pinging" the people around you. That is, you're looking for cues to see how you SHOULD be behaving. Consider this situation:

You're on the subway when a man starts to clutch his chest and groan with pain. Everyone with an ESFR immediately starts to PING each other, waiting for someone to STEP UP and take control of the situation, to show them what they SHOULD be doing, to demonstrate acceptable behavior. The person who does this has an ISFR. Instead of looking around to see if HE'S on the right page, he looks around to see if EVERYONE ELSE is on the right page.

With social anxiety, it doesn't take an emergency for you to start pinging the people around you. Your ESFR is FULLY ACTIVE in any social situation, and it is HYPERSENSITIVE. You are continuously questioning yourself, thinking "Is this right? Is this how I should be behaving? Is this acceptable? What's everyone else doing? Where are the important people that I need to impress? What do they think about my behavior?"

You're CONSTANTLY on edge, DESPERATELY hoping that your behavior is acceptable. No wonder you feel so exhausted after social situations.

Does it take years of therapy to change from an ESFR to an ISFR? No! You can do it right NOW, all it takes is the conscious effort to DECIDE what you focus on. When you're unsure about how you should be behaving, STOP YOURSELF from doing what you USED to do. You are NOT your past. You have the power to make decisions NOW in this moment!

DON'T look around and start pinging people. Instead, look inside yourself. You have your OWN opinions, your own VALUES and BELIEFS about what is acceptable behavior, about what is right. Trust your own opinions, don't be a mindless "pinger."

Make decisions! Take control of your thoughts! Be proactive, not reactive! Move your frame of reference INSIDE. You deserve to have an ISFR!

 

[SilentType]

That's some of the best advice I've ever heard from anyone around here. Nice post.


Peace

 

[no12]

wow yea.. i never thought of it that way. I learned about external locus of control, but External frame of reference? it reminds me of that post that guy "newposter" did about getting rid of that 3rd person perspective.

 

[NormanBates]

SO true. I think of all the familiar faces I see around town. But how strange it is that every single one of them is out of the loop.

 

[roseycheeks]

Thanks for sharing n explaining so well
makes a lot of sense

 

[Kamen]

That's a good post and it's true to a large extend. The frame (or mode) of reference interferes with SA (much like waves interference), so ESFR and SA amplifies one another.

With SA, if you constantly refer to the environment, looking where people look, how they perceive you, how they behave, you don't help yourself much in improving your condition, but tend to note and accentuate on the differences. If you copy them, you make yourself a bad favor. It's not just my philosophy and firm belief that the answers are inside yourself. You are defined by your Self, it contains all the answers thereby forming your personality. You can hardly feel comfortable and happy not being yourself, not being in your 'right place' in the Universe.

 

[lettypagb]

true , 3 days ago i in my class and everyone was talking about something interesting to me , i couldnt stop paying attention ,and then the subject was gone ,and i couldnt make another one not even to save my life ,i dont know what happened ,but i guess is the ESFRG AND THE OTHER ONE.

 

[Emmmmy]

I'm glad you posted this. I remember doing it in psychology a bit ago and haven't thought about it again til now. It make sense when you put it into context so well.

I do remember that people who have an external locus of control and more likely to be depressed.

"In fact, people with an external locus of control are more likely to suffer from depression and other ailments because they believe their actions cannot improve their current position."
(just did a search to see if I remembered right)

I think alot of people here will be able to vouch for that.

 

[SickJoke]

Thank you all so much for reading this with an open mind. I truly believe if you read it until it makes sense and you BELIEVE it, it will have a positive impact on your life.

 

[SickeningJoke]

Another good post. Thanks.

The more we realize what we are doing wrong, the easier to change it. This is another thing that I didn't quite realize I was doing ("pinging" people), but I definitely do it!

Thank you!! Exactly! Realizing the problem is a HUGE necessary step toward improvement.

 

[SickJoke]

wow yea.. i never thought of it that way. I learned about external locus of control, but External frame of reference? it reminds me of that post that guy "newposter" did about getting rid of that 3rd person perspective.

Agreed, this is similar to to NewPoster111's threads about "eliminating the 3rd person perspective." Thanks for reading with an open mind!

 

[SickerJoke]

Bumped for new people.