Social anxiety getting worse..

[Inkblotter]

Hi everybody i'm new,

Anyways, I'm a college student and going on my sophomore year...It is now summer time and I am living near my college but since I did not make any friends during freshman year due to my SA, I am stuck at home with my parents all day. I don't have a car so even if i did have friends i wouldn't be able to hang out or i'd have to ask for a ride (which I would never do because i'm far too timid and never want to be a burden...). I had friends in high school but my family moved to another state so I can only talk to them on the internet. The only time I ever get out is to go grocery shopping with mom and dad and it seems that the more i'm cooped up in my house he more intense my anxiety is when I do go out...I won't take meds or even see a therapist because of the fear of social interaction...and well I did see a therapist in the past and could hardly open up, so I didn't get much out of it. I am currently looking for a job (within walking distance) and that's caused my anxiety to skyrocket and I become petrified when I think of the possibility of actually working and having to socialize all day(i've never had a job before). I meant to learn the bus routes this summer and explore the city I live in but I underestimated my social anxiety when I made that goal...I am so afraid of getting lost...and on top of that have no sense of direction...Anyways I just feel so weak...I turn as cold as ice when being confronted with social interaction and I know deep down that's not how I am..I am warm and friendly! Also, I want to get involved in clubs and stuff at my school but many of them do volunteer work..and that requires transportation and a lot of social interaction which I am terrified of...and it's not only social interaction but i'm also afraid of messing things up and then being embarrassed...or having someone repeat instructions...or even being able to follow instructions...I just have such a lack of confidence and it contributes to my SA, depression and overall misery. I just feel so alone and like i'm trapped by fear..It makes me suicidal. Not a day goes by where I don't think about it. I used to have a problem with self mutilation but I have stopped that but am always tempted to start up again...it's ridiculous, even writing on this board is causing me anxiety. I don't know what this post is about really..I guess i;m ranting but any advice is welcome, or if anyone feels similarly to me i'd like to hear about it. I just feel so distant from the rest of the world..sorry it's so long..I'm just recently what I have is called social anxiety btw..i've always know i had problems but did not want to have to recognize them/label them.

 

[kihira]

Welcome!

 

[pebblesdundee]

Hi, and welcome to the site

 

[Paahi]

Hi, welcome to the forum!

 

[Niteowl]

Welcome, it's nice to meet you.

I felt like my social anxiety was getting worse for a while - that's when I was just going to college, spending seven hours there not speaking a word, then going home and shutting myself in my room for the rest of the night. I'm glad that I'm not there for another year, because since I've finished there I've been so bored at home that I'm almost thrusting myself into social activities that I would never have done otherwise. I went out on Thursday with my parents, brother, aunt, uncle and cousin. Maybe I was a little quiet but before that outing I was a little determined not to go, but I agreed that I would. I was dreading it all afternoon. When we got there, it wasn't so bad - since then my mum has asked if I'll do it again on Tuesday, and I have said that I will.

So for me, being so bored is what's making me feel like it's getting better again. That same day, I had also gone shopping in town with my mum - just because I had nothing else to do and I was sick of being indoors! My problem with going into the town is that all of the bullies from school have jobs in the sports and clothes shops, but I'll make a mental note of those particular shops and avoid them in the future. ::

I know it's not easy to force yourself into doing things with other people, even the people that you're most familiar with, but it's been working for me. I'm feeling better than I did when I joined this site in April. My advice, if you think it's something that might work for you, is to wait for the next social opportunity that presents itself to you and take it! I know that it's a bit trickier if they don't come up for you, because it's tougher to be the one to arrange an activity, but my bet is that you'll feel much better about yourself having done it, as long as you take steps to make certain that it's as comfortable an experience as it can be for you.

If somebody gave me this advice a little while ago, I'll be honest, I would have ignored it - "like that's gonna happen" - because in the darkest depths of your social anxiety it's very tough to imagine yourself doing it, it's all very well for somebody to suggest it, but believe me, until recently my social anxiety was at it's peak - sometimes I would waste an entire day in college when I had work to do that could only be done on my computer at home, but I couldn't simply go to ask the tutor if I could go, even though I knew that he would let me without question. Since doing more things, even though it's just been with my family, I'm feeling for the first time in years that my state is improving.

Keep coming to these forums, too! It's a huge help to have that constant reminder that there are so many other people out there dealing with the same anxiety as you, and it's great to share your feelings here with people that can relate to all that you say and hear their experiences too.

Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor. ~Alexis Carrel.