Social Anxiety AND Loneliness - where do i begin

DespairSoul

Well-known member
#2
Vancouver24,

Yes i know is thought. I feel the same but now i'm pushing my self more do some stuff like going for walk, buy something in shop etc. go cycling. I try hard. Is very hard but it try let's see what happened. My SA is severe and i also feel agoraphobic if i have to go out. SO is thought. I started meds. 2 months ago because with out i wouldn't go out propably...so maybe try start natural with out meds. like going for small walk, buy for yourself dogie if u like animals (this is for example great opportunity how to go out), u can also join to some sport activities if u will enough brave for it or u can just alone go cycling on start. Maybe taking pictures with camera u will like it too?:) And after if u see u aren't able do it on your own try seek for help and join some therapy! What is your hobbies what u like?U must have something what u really like!Good luck and i hope we hear about u how u fight with SA and loneliness.
 

djkghigh

Active member
#3
i suggest starting off by accomplishing small tasks like going to the store close by and eventually having confidence to do other things

try going to the gym if u can, that helps sometimes
 

Hastings & Main

Well-known member
#4
Here's a sample plan that you can toy around with if it helps:

The first small steps are hard, that's why you should make them as small as you're comfortable with... okay, the least UNcomfortable with :).

Make a short shopping list of groceries or snacks or drinks or something. After that, just say to yourself, "I'm going out to buy groceries.", and don't set a certain time for yourself to go (otherwise you're set up to think about the clock, which may trigger anxiety).

Immediately after saying/thinking that, do something else and concentrate on that. What you're going to eat when you get back, what's on TV tonight, etc. - something light, that doesn't bump up against anything related to feeling anxious (eg. school/work).
While you're engaged in those thoughts, slap on your coat and shoes and get out the door. Don't forget the list, some money, and keys :).

On the way: think about what you're going to buy. Look at the flowers in the neighbors' garden. Look at the sky. Hum. Look at the sidewalk. Think about the men who laid down the cement for the sidewalk, how long it took them, try judging from the wear over the years how long ago the sidewalk was put there.
Keep your mind busy with the intricate details of the mundane. The term "living in the moment" comes merely from observing the small things around you and experiencing a small amount of joy from them: take a deep breath and smell the air. Straighten your back, keep your shoulders relaxed low and not hunched, walk tall: the physical feeling of walking with good posture naturally brings about a slight increase in self-image: humans detect confidence in relaxed movement mixed with good posture (it's just a part of our instinct). Force a slight smile on your face (if you don't have one already).

Have an iPod or similar? There's a shield right there. Search through it. Take tips from this site that you find useful and add it for inspiration on the way. Don't trip!

Someone is approaching you from a block away, so a small jolt of discomfort goes off.
Remember that no one is judging you. Nobody judges anybody else, except in competitions. We get this feeling generally through lower self-esteem connected to something in the past, something which has absolutely nothing to do with you today, right now, walking to the store: it's just residue from a bygone event which you'll take care of sometime later at your own pace.

Either search through your music/photos to look busy, or look at something "interesting" away from them.
As they approach, slowly move your head in their direction - eyes away - and look at them just as you pass & make a very slight smile/nod. You don't have to make eye-contact, just the forehead/nose will do.
Pretend people are dogs if you must. We never think dogs are judging us, so why other humans? Smile at the tall dog passing by. (no, this isn't a joke! Even so, don't start going 'Who's a good boy?' and petting them...)

If the person does nothing or stare straight ahead? No, they don't hate you! This person has either: just gotten some bad news and is out walking it off; just had a fight with their partner and doing the same; ALSO has SP (but hasn't read these tips); is just a d**k and they are therefore not worth your time anyways (but this last one is actually rare).

How about a group of people? Some find groups more unnerving as there's simply more people there, but personally it's a better situation than one-on-one. They're WAY too busy with their own thing to concentrate on you, and unless you're walking around in a pirate outfit and groaning like a zombie they have no reason to pay attention to what you're doing.

The moment's passed, so keep on with the things around you. Look at the graffiti tags on the walls, think up your own tag, how you'd write it. Birds on a wire, flowers in the cracks of the sidewalk, that car/bike you'd like to own.

Get to the store, look for what you need, pay with a smile, repeat the first part on the way back.

Do this every other day, move up to bigger things in more crowded areas and places you're unfamiliar with.
 
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