So where does your social phobia come from? do you know?

[alieno]

Horatio,

You made a really good point about how life works. We humans are so unaware of how primal our society is. We really are just a bunch of monkeys who think we are civilized people, but the opposite is true. Growing up as a kid I always thought beauty was on the inside, I always thought that everyone in this world will find someone, someday, I always thought that intelligence and good behaviour far outweighed being rude and violent. But it looks like the opposite is true. Girls always go for the bad boy because the "bad boy" is a leader. Same as with anyone who is really popular. Girls scream for rock stars and famous people and happily have sex with these people because they want to have their genes sub-conciously that is. They don't want genes with some nobody they never met, they want genes from a somebody they never met, lol.

And a really good point on social phobia. All it is was that we were conditioned to bow down to the competition which was superior socially and genetically to us. Most of us who were bullied are still being bullied to this day because we have to live with the scars. And thats how the bullies (sub-conciously) want it to be so they have less competition for the girls. Same thing with girls though, but on a smaller scale. They girls compete for the males that are most popular and bully those girls who they see as competition for the males attention and resources.

I know it's nature, but it still makes me sick to the stomach to think about it. But you know Horatio, I think you are wrong on one point. Maybe it's just idealistic thinking but I think you are superior to the ones who bullied you because you are far more intelligent then them and in this society it's really not physical appearences that will bring this human race far, it is our intellect that will bring us far. We don't need football players and we dont need super-models....we need philosophers and scientists. They are the ones that matter most to mans survival. So, don't be down on yourself...your more important than you think.

I could go on and on about this subject....

 

[Nubly]

i think my parents were the cause of my SA

 

[scatmantom]

I dunno where it came from or why it happened, but i can remember the exact day that I first suffered from a panic attack/anxiety.

Its not a result of a hard life or harsh parents. Really am clueless as to why I suddenly got it aged 11. Before that I had a relativly easy life, and nothing too bad has happened since (other than anxiety itself)

all i know for sure is that it Just Sux

 

[loneEAGLE]

:evil: i cant say exactly, butt a few things i can contribute to it -i was an only child and just accepted depending only on myself even if i could get help and being alone developing a "me aganist the world attitude" meaning if i cant do it on my own its not worth doing my parents were great no abuse no trematic experences i think it kicked in right before high school i was REALLY heavy and quiet and shy maybe was it, i dont know well i recent lost about 100 lbs and am getting some REAL help to figure out and understand this mess

 

[Nadine333]

Warning: this post is filled of the raw honesty and the truth that we all try to hide from ourselves. please do not read on if you are feeling vulnerable to the truth, are easily offended or dont feel like thinking about a serious topic. P.S. Sorry for the swearing, Im lonely, cold and fucked off

I know what caused my socialphobia.. I deserved it and it was always going to happen to me. it is just the way things are, it is genetic

I wasnt born without social abilities but my physical genes were always going to make me destined to be alone and fragile

I was tiny at school and went through puberty really late. I am a runt, an outcast, too weak. As with all things in nature, the weak are turned on by the powerful and so it was that all conspired against me.

Guys who were sometimes nearly twice my size pummelled me into the ground. I deserved it for I was and still are genetically inferior. My role in the world is to die so my genes dont get passed on.

If people like me were accepted, had friends, met girls and had sex then my inferior genes would be passed on and humanity will fail. The only reason humans exceeded past other creatures was because we are superior. Superior genes succeed, inferior genes are stamped out.

Girls role in this world is to be attractive enough to get fucked, to be fit enough to carry and deliver child and then be resourceful enough to look after it.

Guy's role in this world is to fuck other guys over and be the one that fucks as many girls as possible. This way the superior genes spread faster than the inferior ones which die out.

Elephant males kill each other with tusks so the stronger one passes on his seed, Lions claw each other to death so they can fuck the females and likewise human males are designed to do everything they can to prove their superiority over others.

that is why most girls favour strong confident arrogant jerks (although most girls will never admit it) this is also why most girls have negative experiences with guys (because they always go for jerks)

girls, this is why guys fuck you around. they dont care about you, their job is to get you pregnant and then try and get another girl pregnant so their seed reigns supreme. the only thing that tries to constrain this is the tatty remains of our social code.

I have socialphobia because according to nature I am inferior. Girls look at me with disgust because I am not worthy to fuck them and guys fuck me over to increase their fuck points with girls. if guys like me were confident then the world would be filled with weak pathetic nothings

sure sure, all of the above is a bit of a generalisation and doesnt cover the huge range of exceptions and other factors but that is the guts of it

I do not write these rules nor do I like them but Im afraid this is just the way it is

I guess my hope lies in the belief that maybe I can exist in this world without being part of the fucked up humanity system. maybe with enough like minded individuals we can play this game without its fucked up rules and maybe we will have a better experience than those trapped by their own "superiority"

sorry for being a depressed fuck, this is just how I feel

What can I say..... WOW!

 

[loneEAGLE]

yes thats one of the best rants ive seen in a long time..AND ALL TRUE...and i understand the frustration,anger and bitterness cause its in me too :x

 

[Jack-B]

All,

This is a really important question to answer.

The real cause of social phobia or social anxiety is to be found only in one place.

The mind. Everything depends upon the mind.

The subsequent cause must be the mind because happiness and anxiety are states of mind. Anything that helps in the process of the development of a phobia/anxiety is a contributory cause, contributing to our negative state of mind.

For example:

The appearance of other people contributes to our anxiety but the real cause of our anxiety comes from our negative states of mind. If we learn to control our mind we can erradicate the real cause of pain, other people will cease to be a contributing factor in developing anxiety.

Genetics, the environment, situations, other people are merely contributing factors.

Other people are currently contributing to our anxiety only because we feel that what they think is a real cause of our happiness.

We desire to be liked, thought well of, seen as confident, we act in ways to fit in or be different from others all because we feel that what they think is a real cause of our happiness. It isn't. Not at all. Not in the slightest.

The next question is how do i overcome my attachment in thinking 'what other people think about me makes me happy' ?

It is extremely beneficial in asking yourself this question.

Jack

 

[Milooby]

Horatio,
I think you've made a very good point and worded it really well and most of its depressingly true.

Maybe it's just idealistic thinking but I think you are superior to the ones who bullied you because you are far more intelligent then them and in this society it's really not physical appearences that will bring this human race far, it is our intellect that will bring us far.

But wouldn't that mean we're still seeking superior genes they've just changed from physical strength etc to intelligence?
Not that I'm all against positivity..

sure sure, all of the above is a bit of a generalisation and doesnt cover the huge range of exceptions and other factors but that is the guts of it

There are a lot of exceptions. There are people who've said fuck you to instinct and decided to try and make the world as pleasant for themselves and people around them with the time they've got and all you can do is seek them out.

 

[corsa]

Reply to Horatio

Hi Heratio,

I just wanted to say that I understand where you are coming from when you talk about developing SP in terms of Darwinian Evolution, or the ‘survival of the fittest’ perspective. Most Evolutionists speculate that the mind is ‘massively modular’, in that it is comprised of hundreds of thousands of genetically innate, specialised, algorithmic information-processing modules that each evolved during the Pleistocene Epoch (approx. 2 million, 10 thousand years ago when humans were hunter-gatherers). These modules are assumed to be designed so as to solve problems in the domains of evolutionary adaptedness, e.g finding a mate, predator avoidance, finding food, building shelter, cooperation/socialising with others, aggression, parenting etc. Species that failed to evolve these modular abilities decreased their chance of reproductive success and therefore reduced their chance of survival.

However, please don’t think that genetics is the sole contributor to you/ or any of us developing SP because there are numerous critics of this genetic modular perspective who argue that behaviour is a complex interaction between genetics and environment. Each of us has genetic predispositions that may or may not develop depending on whether this gene is ‘turned on’ due to an environmental trigger. We may not have control of our genetics but we can choose the context of our environment, and we can do something about our situation. Plus another major flaw with evolutionary theory is that we now face totally novel and way more complex situations and problems than our hunter-gatherer ancestors faced (e.g using mobile phones & computers, driving a car etc). So this pretty much debunks the notion that we are all equipped to solve only problems of evolutionary adaptedness.

Besides I reckon you are a more complex and interesting person for you to purely explain yourself in terms of your perceived genetic make-up. I think you are being way too hard on yourself.

 

[Funkymunky]

Edit

 

[Falling]

my sexuality was basicly the root of all my problems... of my low self esteem, of inferiority complex, self concious and all in all.

i live in a very macho village, most of the guys here in my very small village work as a fishermen... so all the guys at my age where quite machos like their fathers...

i was complettely different, i grew up with my sister and my mum while my father was at work... i preferred staying at home playing with my sister and with her dolls, than to go fishing with my father and playing football and cars like chidlren of my age.

i never got involved into an activity... the only activites we had in our village was football for boys... i never liked that so there wasnt a place where i could go and be more socialable. i always wanted to go singing and acting, but my mum never wanted me. she wanted me to join the football team so i can start acting like a boy, and start socialising... and also she was afraid that i might turn gay.

so when i'm around straight guys i always feel that inferiority... not because of my sexuality, but because i dont act like a normal guy, i dont ahve the same interests as guys have... i'm completley different from them. i'm always afraid of being judged... so that makes me make a step back.

i usually did intergrate with others at school, bacuse i was in the same class with my cousin since grade 1! when i was 16 and changed school... i felt that there was no one to help me talk with others. altough i looked "gayish" before, people still used to talk to me because they used to see me with other guys... but then when i was alone at school and i couldnt integrate... poeple used to see me more lonely, it was a hell... a completely hell. thank god had passed.

now when i'm not surrounded by my friends, i still feel unable to be me... because people when see you effeminated, they tend to amke a step back from talking to you... but when they see you surrounded by friends... they start talking to you beacuse they say "oh, so he isnt weird and people still talk to him even if he looks so gay"

i remember a particular year in the school i attended before, there was onathe guy like me effeminated, people used to make fun of him... but did not made fun of me becasue they used to see me with other guys and had few friends.

well i think school is a hell for every effeminated gay when he hhas few friends.... i had to pass from it someday!

i'm tremendously shy when people see me alone, i start thinking that they are having a bad image of me, that i odnt ahve any friends, that i'm weird... and thats why i feel comfortable when im with my friends.

i wish i would know more why i'm so shy when im lonely... but i will discover it by time.... hope so!

 

[IanM]

yea with the whole evolution thing, i do think its all about perspective, u say this is the way u are coz natures killing u coz yor defective, but if u think about survival of the fittest is the reason why your here today, because u were the best of wat was previous and all of us were, that sperm that our dad fired was the best swimmer of the bunch the best digger to penertrate the egg, so it depends on perspective thats all i'm saying, sorry if ive repeated anyone, i didnt read all the posts.

i got my sp from taken drugs, but it was the situation, i went over to my mates, and thought we'd take some acid, i was worried before, but i'd taken it before and i'd taken other drugs before, so i thought it would be okay, and then my mates who i dearly trusted and would sacrificed my life for, started fucking with me one in particular and he wanted a fight, i took it the wrong way and it spiralled down from that moment, at this point i didnt know they were fucking with me and i thought this was real, so yea i felt really betrayed but this isnt just like by someone u knew for 5 mins someone uve known for a long time, it was a really bad experience, but also my own mentality hasnt helped, and my parents bitch quite alot, but yea it mainly stems from the drugs to be honest........ me........

 

[Chrysta]

I might have been more likely to get it because of genetics but I don't think that's why. When I was in sixth grade my two only worth while friends ditched me most of the time... one for a girl I hated. Then when it was time to leave the school I had gone to for seven years I found it to be too much. The teachers were too aggresive, the homework was too much, there was too many people, I might get lost... So I flipped out. I would cry when I got home and before I left to go in the morning. The funny thing is I only went there for three days. I begged my mom to not make me go. She decided to put me in the charter school my sister was going to. I went there. It was a lot smaller and the work and teachers were a lot easier to deal with. But everyone there had their own group of friends and I just didn't fit. I just sat and watched everyone occasionally talking to someone. Most everyone probably new me as "the smart quiet one". I always got good grades.. so atleast people new I could do that. Then I started to take independant study so I didn't have to go to school unless I had a test. Then that school got rid of their highschool section so I went to a distance learning school.. which was the same as independant study just with another school. That soon moved on to Homeschooling. Through out that whole time I was steadily getting worse. My parents blame themselves for my situation cause they are the ones that took me out of school. I don't look at it that way though. It was inevitable. I didn't have any friends at all. I never went out anywhere. My mom pushed me to try and meet someone online. Which I did. We became great friends. We have a very strong bond. She was the first person (non-family that is) that I loved. She lives in PA but she is coming to visit me for Christmas. She is still the only friend I have. I met up online with an old friend, planned something with her.. and then got stood up.. So whatever.

Sorry.. I ramble sometimes.

 

[Apple]

Odd stuff

My SP is definitely inherited. It comes down through my mom's side of the family. She's suffered from it all her life, her dad, her brother ....

So ya, I'm pretty sure its in my genes.

Its scary to see how much many of us are alike. Our experiences and feelings toward ourselves.

I didn't have a hard time in school because of others, I had a hard time because of me. I had friends all through school, I can't remember being made fun of, I had an awesome time in my later teens with dating and having fun, and while I always felt inferior and worthless, I still went out with my friends on weekends. (But I always made sure I had ONE best friend and the others were people I hung out with) because I was scared of being alone.

I've always been shy and anxious. At the age of 5 my doctor removed my from kindergarten for a month because he told my mother I was developing an ulcer. As far as I know, I was afraid of the principle. Oi.

And I was always physically sick in some way, shape or form. Headaches, flues, colds and on and on and on.

Unfortunately my very slim hold over my anxiety snapped when I was involved in a car accident at 21 years old and I haven't really ever gotten over it. It seemed like everything changed the night my car was hit and that's it.

I didn't want to spend time with my boyfriend, drove my friends away from me, and pretty much was with me. I finally ended up breaking my 9 year relationship off with my fiance and now just tries my darnest to get through the days without going nuts. The pain is kinda severe every other day as well from the neck injury. But hey .... its the genes that brought me to this wonderful place to begin with.

And there's my book for the day. :wink:

 

[Reholla]

who knows...at first I thought it came out of no where. My life had been good before and I have no real reason to be anxious or depressed. But anxiety doesnt neccesarily have logic to it, so i guess i dont need a messed up life to have it.

But since i have been trying to make sense of this all..... i think its a combination of

1. unhealthy beliefs
2. unhealthy thought patterns

and leading up to these previous 2 things...

3. heredity!!

My mom is has such an axiety type personality. She definitely doesnt have a disorder, shes really successful at her job and its not debilitating. But I remember as a kid her coming home from work and yelling at us (taking her stress out on us), she takes sleeping pills, and complains from time to time of a tight chest, and one time i remember her saying "I dont think God wants us to be happy." Which as a parent, never say. Im sure thats her anxiety talking, and shes not realizing that her "reality" is probably distorted b/c of anxiety.

My mom has been really loving, and really truly tries. But shes a naturally critical person. Sometimes when she gets stressed she will say something critical directed at me. I know she doesnt mean it. But being raised like that has prob affected me. She always says she loves me, and i know she means it. But its hard when you have conflicinting messages like that. Its like being in an abusive relationship.... saying something critical (abuse) saying "you know i love you" (reason to stay)...ok im exaggerating but you know..

So then my dad is depressive. I NEVER thought of my dad this way growing up. He was always happy and had a good sense of humor. But he told me like a month ago that his personality type (a, b) was D - depressive. This made me sad. I knew my dad had a hard time growing up cause his dad died when he was 16. So college was kinda depressing for him. But it makes me sad he thinks hes just like this. NO ONE SHOULD THINK BEING DEPRESSED IS NATURAL. Its not who you are...I know people are more likely to be depressed than others, but being depressed isnt a permanent state.

SO ANYWAYS....my mom (anxiety factor) + my dad (depression factor) = ME anxiety stricken and depressed! wahooo..... jk i know its not neccesarily like that. Just cuase my parents have been thru some things. But I think a combination of heredity and the way you are raised will determine a lot..


OK so for any one that read that whole thing, congrats! and hope it made sense!