So little confidence that I question everything I do

froghat

Well-known member
#1
I really don't know how to improve my situation anymore. I've had a good paying job for a year now, but as far as being social, it's still a mess. lt's Probably even worse than 10 years ago when it first started.

I see this mainly as a confidence issue. I question everything I do: Stupid things like how I look when I'm looking someone in the eyes. Everytime I talk with someone I come away depressed, anxious and hopeless. It's becoming so frustrating that I've pretty much stopped trying to put myself out there. Even at work I just wanna do my work and go home without anyone bugging me.

The whole thing is just getting old. I've been to therapy and tried to use CBT, but it's impossible to repair my damaged confidence. I mean, how do you when it's this bad? I feel trapped: On one hand I can go weeks feeling perfectly ok living all alone avoiding everyone, but then one day I'll run into a cute girl at work that I'd love to meet and date, but I know it;'s impossible with my mental state and confidence problems.

It's pretty simple for me: Until I fix my confidence problems, I just can't enjoy an intimate relationship with anyone. The solution? I have no clue! None! I'm 28 and I'm still living like a frightened 13 years old boy. It's a lonely feeling when you are so low, you can't talk to someone without feeling out of place or screwed up.

I don't know guys, I'm runnin gout of ideas :(
 

BlackKids

Well-known member
#2
Yes you need to raise your confidence. I just started exercising/going to the gym and it went from there. Recently started lifting weights and thats also helped. Just knowing I'm on the path to were I want to be is a massive help.

Oh I start every morning by saying/shouting. " I'm an F**king Alpha Male. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR " lol Totally true though
 

planemo

Well-known member
#3
Yeah, living in so much self doubt, and self loathing can be debilitating. I wish I could give you some advice on how to get over it, but I guess I'm in the same boat.

I have so little self confidence, I'm surprised I even get out of bed everyday.
 

jbeenthere

Well-known member
#4
the way I always saw the self confidence issue was that the reason I wasn't good at anything was because I always avoided trying anything because of SA. and if you don't try something because you don't want to deal with people then you never get good at anything. the one thing I could bo was run and i could do it all by myself. i got pretty good and ran a few races and started to feel better about myself and the way I looked and felt. is there anything that you do well that you can claim as our own? if there is then that would be a starting point that you can wear as a bit of social armor at work. i have found that a lot of people do this and it is not so strange or out of the ordinary. you are caught in a spiral of negative thoughts where the ruminations lead to isolation which leads to self-doubt which leads to more ruminations. you have to learn to ignore the ruminations as negative exagerations of how people really see you. that pretty girl is probably saying, "I wish I could talk to that guy but he seems shy and i don't want to embarrass him." if you can find a common interest in something that you are good at then that would help ease the doubt. the best predictor for relationship success is when 2 people share a common interest. if you can set aside the ruminations as being the disease and push forward to find something you can share with another person then you won't have to doubt who you are - you just have to concentrate on what it is you like to do and share that passion with others. hope that helps.
 

Helmaninquiel

Well-known member
#5
I really don't know how to improve my situation anymore. I've had a good paying job for a year now, but as far as being social, it's still a mess. lt's Probably even worse than 10 years ago when it first started.

I see this mainly as a confidence issue. I question everything I do: Stupid things like how I look when I'm looking someone in the eyes. Everytime I talk with someone I come away depressed, anxious and hopeless. It's becoming so frustrating that I've pretty much stopped trying to put myself out there. Even at work I just wanna do my work and go home without anyone bugging me.

The whole thing is just getting old. I've been to therapy and tried to use CBT, but it's impossible to repair my damaged confidence. I mean, how do you when it's this bad? I feel trapped: On one hand I can go weeks feeling perfectly ok living all alone avoiding everyone, but then one day I'll run into a cute girl at work that I'd love to meet and date, but I know it;'s impossible with my mental state and confidence problems.

It's pretty simple for me: Until I fix my confidence problems, I just can't enjoy an intimate relationship with anyone. The solution? I have no clue! None! I'm 28 and I'm still living like a frightened 13 years old boy. It's a lonely feeling when you are so low, you can't talk to someone without feeling out of place or screwed up.

I don't know guys, I'm runnin gout of ideas :(
You should find a women who will tell you how much she loves you, how handsome you are, how much your wanted. I think as long as you find that one person that will be there for you and comfort you through all the pain and anxiety, you'll make.
 
#6
... I'm 28 and I'm still living like a frightened 13 years old boy...
Yeah I have felt that before too.

The only tip I can give you is, as hard as it might sound, is to not care so
much. I think you like most others here, including myself, care way to much
what others think of you.
 
#7
You should find a women who will tell you how much she loves you, how handsome you are, how much your wanted. I think as long as you find that one person that will be there for you and comfort you through all the pain and anxiety, you'll make.
I really do think that this can make a huge difference
because it is, as long as it is true, a positive affirmation.

However, what about that classic saying. You must love yourself first
before you can love somebody others.
Does anyone have any thoughts? I am wondering myself actually.
 
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