Never been in a relationship before, I think part of this is because my head makes small things big. For me the compatibility has to be perfect, like we have to like the same everything and have to dislike the same everything. If not I imagine giant, heated arguments, over little things like music or something. I really like this one girl right now, but my head is already doing these things as I approach trying to be with her. I really like her, and we always have a good time together, but in my head these little disagreements run rampant. Anyone have any advice, or someone with relationship experience tell me these things are small, and wont turn into the big arguments I think they will?
Small Disagreements?
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Rembrandt Broam
Well-known member
They won't turn into big arguments. Some things you'll enjoy doing together, some things you'll enjoy doing alone. You'll have interests that you share passionately, and interests that the other person just doesn't "get" or doesn't have the slightest interest in.
Trust me, the big arguments will not be about things like your differing tastes in music.
coyote
Well-known member
True. The big arguments are usually over really important things like:
Emptying the garbage.
Which utensil is best to use to stir spaghetti sauce.
Whether your mom should've bought toys for her cat.
Who owns the strange men's boxers you found in the laundry.
I really wish I were making these up.
The truth is, you might have arguments about little things. They could even get a little heated. For example, I personally don't think that Harrison Ford was a very good actor back when he did the Star Wars and Indiana Jones movies. My husband strongly disagrees with me, and in fact, once we had to sit and watch all of those movies, pausing at "important" points to discuss his believability as an actor.
It's okay that we had this argument. It was a sily argument. Now that it's past, and I finally decided that his acting may not have been at fault because the lines were really bad, we have a funny experience that we can laugh about together. Experiences like this are part of what makes a relationship enjoyable. If you always agree on everything, you're going to get bored. One good thing about having different taste in music is, while she may like some music that you can't really stand, she may also like some music you never heard of that you will love. Who knows? Your tastes may even change when she explains to you why she likes an artists you don't like.
It's okay that we had this argument. It was a sily argument. Now that it's past, and I finally decided that his acting may not have been at fault because the lines were really bad, we have a funny experience that we can laugh about together. Experiences like this are part of what makes a relationship enjoyable. If you always agree on everything, you're going to get bored. One good thing about having different taste in music is, while she may like some music that you can't really stand, she may also like some music you never heard of that you will love. Who knows? Your tastes may even change when she explains to you why she likes an artists you don't like.
Yeah, it's impossible to not ever argue.. some people can even make it seem cute, lol (okay, the Korean dramas, ha ha)
You have to find out if you are compatible in the really important things, like your view of a future together, view of money and any kids later on, reponsibilities (who does what in the house, in relationship) What kind of person s/he is.. Integrity, keeping promises, etc. Who does the cooking etc.
That is, if you wish a steady, long-term relationship.
Music is only a problem if neither of you can ever wear headphones, or if you 'must' listen to it together (if this is your perfect view of relationship)
Everyone has deal breakers, and if music is really important, maybe some music may be a no-no, some 'negotiable' etc. I like some pretty silly music too, and some really cool too.. So it depends. If someone only wanted to listen to depressing music all the time, or only to polka (or techno/house - yikes!), that would be a no no.
I really love what Chola wrote though. If everyone always agreed on everything, it could be pretty boring.. Besides, you may inspire her to like some of your music too.. Never expect it though. People change if they wish to, it's never to expect it, so if you like her as she is, then okay, if not, maybe it just wasn't meant to be... Sometimes you can tell a lot about a person through music taste, and sometimes it can be misleading.. I remember music taste was very important in high school, later on not so much anymore.. It would just be silly if music taste would be the only thing keeping you apart..
You have to find out if you are compatible in the really important things, like your view of a future together, view of money and any kids later on, reponsibilities (who does what in the house, in relationship) What kind of person s/he is.. Integrity, keeping promises, etc. Who does the cooking etc.
That is, if you wish a steady, long-term relationship.
Music is only a problem if neither of you can ever wear headphones, or if you 'must' listen to it together (if this is your perfect view of relationship)
Everyone has deal breakers, and if music is really important, maybe some music may be a no-no, some 'negotiable' etc. I like some pretty silly music too, and some really cool too.. So it depends. If someone only wanted to listen to depressing music all the time, or only to polka (or techno/house - yikes!), that would be a no no.
I really love what Chola wrote though. If everyone always agreed on everything, it could be pretty boring.. Besides, you may inspire her to like some of your music too.. Never expect it though. People change if they wish to, it's never to expect it, so if you like her as she is, then okay, if not, maybe it just wasn't meant to be... Sometimes you can tell a lot about a person through music taste, and sometimes it can be misleading.. I remember music taste was very important in high school, later on not so much anymore.. It would just be silly if music taste would be the only thing keeping you apart..
You can never predict what your future fights will be about, the only thing you can be sure of is that you will have them. There is no such thing as perfect chemistry because everyone is hugely flawed; the important thing is whether you can tolerate your partner's flaws or not, as that is what ultimately makes or breaks a relationship.
As far as subject matter, you may well fight about music, but you'll also argue about more or less everything under the sun at some point or another (provided you guys last long enough). It also depends on both of your personalities. Do you let things in general slide, or are you a stickler for certain things? How is she in that regard? Is she relaxed about life's issues, or does she try to turn everything into a public debate? All that stuff will determine how smoothly things will go.
As far as subject matter, you may well fight about music, but you'll also argue about more or less everything under the sun at some point or another (provided you guys last long enough). It also depends on both of your personalities. Do you let things in general slide, or are you a stickler for certain things? How is she in that regard? Is she relaxed about life's issues, or does she try to turn everything into a public debate? All that stuff will determine how smoothly things will go.