Site on Social Skills

[Chris_abc123]

I just put up a free site on social skills called www.howtobecooler.com

It's main theme is that becoming a more cool person provides a foundation that makes many other social interactions easier.

It's main audience is younger guys... for now at least depending on how things evolve...

I have a few articles up now and will be adding more from now on.

Here's what I have so far:

How to Get a Social Life*** - www.howtobecooler.com/sociallife.html
How to Dance - www.howtobecooler.com/dance.html
Skills and Interests of Cooler Guys - www.howtobecooler.com/coolinterests.html
Mistakes Lonely People Make - www.howtobecooler.com/lonely.html
Introverted Traits that can Hold you Back - www.howtobecooler.com/introverted.html
Being a Virgin After High-School is not the End of the World - www.howtobecooler.com/virgin.html
Some Basic Tips on Looking Better - www.howtobecooler.com/lookbetter.html
How to Get More Comfortable Talking to Strange Girls - www.howtobecooler.com/fearofgirls.html
Geeky & Nerdy Traits that can Hold you Back - www.howtobecooler.com/nerdy.html

Since the idea is to help people I'm really interested in getting feedback. I'd also like an idea of what sort of content it would be best for me to focus on in the future.

Any comments, feedback, criticism, and suggestions, flames, etc. are appreciated.

If you have any questions I'll try to answer them to.


Cheers,

 

[EmeriBoy]

I'm been researching shyness sites for a while now and came across this fourm, then your site. This is one of the best sites I have seen. It's different than most sites, and way more down to earth. Some other sites concentrate on overcoming shyness head on, but this one takes the approach that you can overcome it by improving other aspects of your life -- nice concept.

In my own opinion, a combination of this and other sites like alt.support.shyness are the best solution. Keep up with the specific interaction articles like dancing, sports, clothing ect. Those seem the most useful to me. Anyway, you can see I hold your site in high-esteem.

 

[Richey]

the "howtobecooler" website has some valuable tips but i think its a little misleading, it depends on what your definition of "cool" is as an individual...your saying that in order to be cool you need to be a good dancer, alright thats fine if your into dancing and enjoy dance clubs but im a rock indie fan through and through and usually avoid those places because its not my idea of recreation but i suppose for people who enjoy dancing then its certainly helpful advice....and thats why you provided a link to help those who intend on improving their dancing skills...there are many places/groups clubs, sports where you can also go to meet people also

this quote taken from the site i disagree with...

"Dancing is an unavoidable fact of life. It will get you sooner or later. Why miss out many good things through trying to avoid it?

and ive danced at clubs before..then i realised that the music i was dancing to i didnt even enjoy and it didnt feel right to me thus i wasnt being honest with myself and i was faking it because i adore indie music and not modern day commercial dance, so im not really into dancing at all and its a personal choice i believe, your not any less cooler if you dont.

also your saying that in order to be a "cooler" guy you have to drink beer,

Another fact of life is beer. Introverted guys are more likely to hate beer. Cooler guys are more likely to prefer it"

so your saying that non alcoholics arnt cool? ...and i do drink but i disagree with that statement and advice....i know many cool and interesting non alcoholics....diversity seems to be lacking.

p.s im just saying that people can make choices and still be "cool" they dont have to be a car lover or play pool, they can enjoy music from mozart to slayer if they wish, they may not be into dancing but they enjoy sports or visa versa .....i think that the overall point is that people who have SA need to confront their demons and challenge their issues by getting out more..the more you get out and converse the easier it becomes, its like any interest or hobby, at least getting used to that environment will end the fear, or make it easier

but i think that your idea of cool is a little too rigid it depends on your outlook, for instance weird eccentric people can also be "cool".

 

[Chris_abc123]

Thanks for the feedback. I screwed around with the introduction with that article to change its emphasize. I never meant to say "do these things and you will be cool." I meant that many "cooler" guys have certain interests and that it can be to your advantage to know a thing or two about them.

...your saying that in order to be cool you need to be a good dancer, alright thats fine if your into dancing and enjoy dance clubs but im a rock indie fan through and through and usually avoid those places because its not my idea of recreation

I wasn't saying you 100% have to know how to dance, just that you're adding something to your life by knowing how. If your friends want to dance you can join them, if a cute girl wants to dance you can do it with her. Your options aren't limited by the fact you don't know how.

Also, I'm into Indie Rock too and I dance to it all the time. Most of the bars I go to play what you could call Indie Rock and there's always a dance floor or at least a bunch of people dancing near the stage while a band is playing. 'Dancing' doesn't automatically mean you have to be in some crowded trendy club with flashing lights and dry ice smoke everywhere.

also your saying that in order to be a "cooler" guy you have to drink beer,

Another fact of life is beer. Introverted guys are more likely to hate beer. Cooler guys are more likely to prefer it"

Nah, I'm not saying you have to do anything. I was being practical and saying that a lot of people drink and that a lot of social activities involve drinking. Not necessarily being an alcoholic, but it's around. You go see a band in a bar, people are drinking. You go to a party, people are drinking. You catch a bite to eat with your friends and you have some drinks with your meal. It's an observation and it's your call how you want to use it.

The thing about beer was also practical. I was just saying that beer is the default drink in a lot of situations, and that it can be more of a pain than it has to be to always avoid it and drink something else.

 

[Richey]

Chris you do have a point but i just feel that your placing "cooler guys" on this pedistool by saying that cooler guys have "certain" interests, that to me implies that you can only be cool if you like dancing and drinking beer which is not true, im not having a go because its practical advice but people who dance are not cooler then those who dont dance and enjoy sitting around and chatting, people can be cool if they enjoy playing soccer and meeting girls that way or new friends.....it just seems like you've pigeon holed "cool" into a very limited space is all, but i enjoyed your site and advice

 

[Skog]

I just put up a free site on social skills called www.howtobecooler.com
. . .
Any comments, feedback, criticism, and suggestions, flames, etc. are appreciated.

Hi Chris
I just looked at several pages of your site. I think it is very good/helpful. Some of your advice might be seen as just common knowledge, but it is helpful to have it gathered in one place and to get the confirmation that what one might have thought of oneself is considered valid by someone else. Having the suggestions written out also might inspire someone to take affirmative steps, one area at a time, to improve whatever they are dissatisfied with in themselves. I see some comments in disagreement with you here and that is OK, too. If one's religious beliefs do not permit alcohol consumption or premarital sex or other things you list, then don't do those things. I don't advocate all of them myself. You have tried to stereotype a "cool" person -- one who is self-assured and not shy. Certainly there are non-shy people who do not engage in all those behaviors or have all of the characteristics you describe. For those who feel shy, though, going through your site and picking one thing at a time that seems doable, working on that for awhile, then picking another thing that they think they can do, and working on that, seems likely to help overcome shyness well before one has to exhaust the list and have drunken sex with a dancing goat and then talk about it with strange girls.

 

[Chris_abc123]

I just added a new article with some advice for anyone still in high-school. www.howtobecooler.com/highschool.html

 

[haze]

your part on the advice for geekier guys where u said "Don't just wait around hoping for something to fall into your lap" well i beat my head against the wall about that. because it fell into my lap and i threw it away .

 

[Chris_abc123]

I've added several new articles since I last mentioned this site here. I've found myself writing a lot more on basic social skills rather than 'coolness'. Some of the better ones (IMO) are:

Traits that help you hang out with other people - www.howtobecooler.com/traitstohang
Thoughts on being weird - www.howtobecooler.com/weird
Thoughts on being funny - www.howtobecooler.com/funny
What to do if your friends suck - www.howtobecooler.com/suckyfriends
How to be more fun/how to be less boring - www.howtobecooler.com/morefun
Coping with nervousness - www.howtobecooler.com/nervous
Getting along with new groups - www.howtobecooler.com/groups

 

[Richey]

oh chris i disagree with your pigeon holing of "geeky & cool" to be honest, its all to cliched from what i can read, i know your tryng to be helpful but "geeky" ....to alot of people particularly people who go to clubs can be a good thing, geeky traits is simply a persons way of saying your "uncool" to have a passion in something.

this is from your "how to be cooler" website.

Geeky & Nerdy Traits that can Hold you Back


Geeky Traits
Having geeky interests isn't much of a handicap if you're an otherwise cool person. You'd be surprised how many stripey shirted bouncer types are closet Star Wars fans. There are some traits that tend to go along with these interests however that can turn people off:

Being obsessive about your interests
Here are some things that will put people off:

Spending a large amount of time on your interest.
Spending all of your time on your interest.
Spending what seems like an unreasonable amount of money to most people on your interest.
Knowing waaaaay too much about your interest, especially about small details.
Putting aside 'normal' or 'essential' activities to pursue your interest.
Going overboard in any way or accomplishing goals that seem pointless for most people.

Taking your interests too seriously
A lot people see your interests as silly and childish so it's naturally a little off-putting/funny/sad to them when you express extreme anger over what happens in an obscure Japanese cartoon or mediocre sci

I agree that people shouldnt react too seriously if another person stirrs them about their interest, or works them up.

I disagree with alot of what you said and it was a little naive, as most people who have interests/passions and take them seriously are curious about other peoples interests even if they are seriously into it.

For example the great men of the world, the discoverers spent alot of time on their interest and didnt care whether other people found it boring.

why should they act fake and talk about something like sports or modern day R&B music on the charts just to be accepted? thats what we we call conforming to a movement just because its popular.

make your own decisions and be yourself is really all you need to do whilst seeking out new friends, if people dont like it then tough titties.

you spend too much time emphasising a cliched image of a "cool person" ....when to be honest there is no REAL definition of cool.



people who conform to a latest fashion simply out of peer pressure arnt being themselves and its more likely that they'll make friends if they feel comfortable with their given interests and whats interests them, and they have every right to talk about it without people being prejudice like "Oh your boring me"

SURE your tips will improve people in that they can use it as a tool to overcome SA and thats a good thing

I just feel that your idea of a cool person is waaay to narrow and not entirely realistic.

Having a geeky sense of humor I can't really explain what a geeky sense of humor is exactly but I think most people know it when they see it. Having one is a giveaway that you hang around other geeky people too much. Again, there's nothing inherently wrong with this besides the fact that most of the world looks down on it.

you say it as if geeky people are from another planet and that people dont like geeky people.

geeky people can be insightful ,quircky, they can have strengths in other areas of life, its about freedom of choice.

again this is very pretentious and just plain snobbish, many people who look dolled up at night clubs posess geeky/quircky traits and that can be refreshing because it shows diversity in personality.

by geeky you mean the way they talk, maybe they slurr when they speak, or they talk about computer games?? ,,,wear glases??

big deal

who are we to say what people should wear or talk about in their time amongst friends or people?

all of what is said, now its important to have some diversity in your life thats for sure, but i know a musician who is a music geek and its great to hear his stories about, that are of interest is cool to him.

perhaps a computer programmer gets kicks out of making a program and finding out the puzzles and mathmatical formulars.

the scientists of the world are the "Coolest" people on earth because they are discoverers and they could be seen as geeky, but i would rather sit down and hear stories about how they cured a disease then to
sit down with someone who was talking about how many girls they picked up or a god awful band they are into like good charlotte, all dolled up to impress if they are doing it only because others might think they are "cool"....thats a very "junior high school, popularity" state of mind to me.

"cool" people are the ones who go about their business making their own desicions in an independant way whether its in fashion or not.

people who can say sod this, "im not eating meat, i dont even enjoy it, so why am i eating it" ...they were eating it because society told them to, but one day a light bulb tunred on and they realised they didnt even like meat and so they became a vegetarian because it was a personal choice and not because its what seen as normal amongst western society


P.S Hey you may think im having a go at you but its just my opinion, alot of your website has very helpful step by step tips!!

Most of your site is very insightful and productive to maintianing a better lifestyle, very practical advice

 

[phobicmom]

thanks........

I can only say thanks........because I believe you're on the right track to helping many. Keep on keeping on.

 

[Chris_abc123]

Richey, thanks for the feedback. I'd heard some similar things from other people so I've made some changes to the site:

-I've reworded sections of the article on geeky and nerdy traits to emphasize that I only have a problem with their negative traits, not them as people overall.

-I took down the 'Skills and Interests of Cooler Guys' article and put up two new ones that get my point across better: That you should improve yourself as a person (cool guys often have legitmate strengths) and that certain areas of skill and knowledge are socially practical to have (e.g., sports and dancing may not be your thing, but it's hard to argue they can help you get along with people).

-I'll be putting up another article soon to further clarify my views on changing and being true to yourself (it's not really an issue, your true self always shines through, even if you make superficial changes)

Hopefully these will make my site more useful and friendly to its readers.

 

[signs05]

It is a good site and I read it through a couple of days ago. It really motivated me and I will definately use some of the advice provided.

If I were to complain about something it would probably be what has been already mentioned.

However, a big thanks to you for putting the site up.

 

[Chris_abc123]

The site is now named www.succeedsocially.com. Same info, but without the corny misleading name.

 

[this-is-why-im-hot]

Hi Chris. Im A psychology student, thats why im here, so i cam to ur post. Now i mean...... ur bit about hobbies and not to talk about it too aften etc etc, seems to me like rather than providing tips on turning your negatives into positives, uve sorta told people to get new personalities? i can see exactly where ur commin from and what ur trying to get out, but i think u need to generalise more, theres nuffin wrong with with havin a hobby ur very passionate about, but knowing when to talk about it or express it. coz to be honest, how many times a day u do ur hobby has nuffin to do with ur social skills what so ever. just how much u talk about it can be put offish, i think thats what u were gettin at? but most normal people woundnt introduce themselelfs like 'hi im a star wars fan' lol.

i would love to get involved with what ur doing though, u do make some good points.

But people....remember. shyness is not ur personality, its the way in which you express it. over coming shyness is changing the way u express urself. ta x

 

[M1tCh]

Thanks Chris.

 

[AJB4]

Good site Chris.