should we keep trying?

[Scrabbl]

I don't know if this is just me who believe this or everybody else or maybe my sp is just beyond cure but here's situation.

Every time, following a nice big summer break, I'd start a year being tentative toward people and try to be friendly, and people would also try to be a little friendly to me. Then, slowly, I would always come to realize that the ever-present social anxiety and nervousness makes people's company unenjoyable, even if my conversations with them goes nicely (which doesn't most of the time), even if I'd be feeling extremely lonely (which I do all the time) -- I'd still like solitude better. So this basically prevents me from forming or maintaining any normal..
Now that I've seen the pattern, I don't know if I should continue it next year. i.e. try to be nice to people and all... 'Cause I already came to the conclusion that no matter how friendly I try to be, no matter how hard I try to make friends, I'll never be able to enjoy people's company: I can never relax around them, and eventually I'll end up at the same place I'm at now. Completely alone. So should we bother trying to be friendly and force ourselves to talk etc? What are your views on this?

 

[Chilling__Echo]

i believe there is SO much room for improvement. I've come a very long way in a matter of three years. it's all mindset. right now you're in a mindset that it's all bleak. it's not bleak, there is a future for you and it's all what you make it. why do you feel uncomfortable in social situations? is it becuase you're afraid of what people think? how you look to them? are any of these beliefs rational?

break it down and try and change yourself from the inside. remember, it's a phobia. it's not really you. you can beat this.

 

[pathomeon]

ok Tony Robbins

***please don't personally attack people*** thanks!

 

[Chilling__Echo]

fuck it. i'm done

 

[Hurricane]

hey Chiling_Echo, don't know what pathomeon said but just don't bother, I know what you say matters too me, and it'll definetly matter to others on this forum, you're one of the good guys

 

[Septor]

Don't let people like pathomeon get you down Chilling__Echo.As far as I can see you have given good advice

 

[ignisfatuus]

I'm not sure what pathomeon wrote, perhaps it was unwarranted. However, posting a rebuttal and erasing his/her post is an abuse of moderating privileges. If it broke the TOA, erase it and leave it at that; poking a stick in someone's eye and rendering them voiceless is a little childish (not to mention irresponsible).

 

[Chilling__Echo]

fuck it

 

[dzerklis]

Re: ok Tony Robbins

***please don't personally attack people*** thanks!

i think there has been a serious misunderstanding, i think pathomeon said those words to himself. Dont you think so?

 

[dzerklis]

ok then

 

[jamez]

Chilling_Echo, your sweet, forget about the naysayers.

 

[allanboy]

Now that I've seen the pattern, I don't know if I should continue it next year. i.e. try to be nice to people and all... 'Cause I already came to the conclusion that no matter how friendly I try to be, no matter how hard I try to make friends, I'll never be able to enjoy people's company: I can never relax around them, and eventually I'll end up at the same place I'm at now. Completely alone.

I know we should all accept our given conditions but, hell, are you gonna give up like that? Dont give you problem that satisfaction.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

fuck it.

 

[triceratops]

Lol at thoughtless for the fruit basket thing.

Chillin ehco I think your taking this a bit to seriously I don't think it really matters does it? People on here need to lighten up we suffer enought stress as it is.

As for the orginal post I couldn't live without social interaction we need social interaction I think once you get past feeling awkard around people you'l realise how much your missing

 

[triceratops]

Yeah fair enough being a mod isnt an easy job im a moderator for a different social anxiety site

http://www.talkpanic.com/

But patholon didn't really intend any harm. I think it was just taken out of context. He wasn't trying to cause trouble or anything.

 

[Septor]

People should appreciate what Chilling__Echo does.She does a good job at it to.Just think how the forums would be with out her.

 

[young]

no! stop trying! lock yourself in your closet and stay there, forever!

 

[allanboy]

Actually, forget what i said. Follow this man´s advice, it´ll take you much farther in life.

 

[Ayla]

Ummm, holly goodness, there's a lot of off topic ranting going on here. I don't know if anyone is still paying attention to the original question - or if the author even is, but just in case you are...

I can really to your problem- for me, its more than just getting other people to talk to. If you're like me - maybe you need to focus more attention on YOURSELF. Why are you feeling anxiety? What do you want to get out of these conversations? What were you expecting to get that you didn't? Is there some way that you can fill that need for yourself? I mean, if all you really wanted was PEOPLE around you, then your attempts would have worked with persistence. I'm not saying give up. Change your focus.

 

[Scrabbl]

Whoa. I'm not sure what happened but I hope the problem's settled. If not -- whatever the problem was please try to understand each other. We know you are normally all nice people so just understand that people may say things they don't mean to say when they're having a bad day and we all do that.
And so I want us to (at least try to) end all that discussion right here and go on as if these stuff didn't happen. Though I admit I was really shocked: to come back after only a day to see two pages in my thread and flame war and so on.
Anyways as for my original post:

i believe there is SO much room for improvement. I've come a very long way in a matter of three years. it's all mindset. right now you're in a mindset that it's all bleak. it's not bleak, there is a future for you and it's all what you make it. why do you feel uncomfortable in social situations? is it becuase you're afraid of what people think? how you look to them? are any of these beliefs rational?
break it down and try and change yourself from the inside. remember, it's a phobia. it's not really you. you can beat this.

I'm happy for you to have had big improvements in fighting sp. But as for myself, I still don't see how I can improve.
Well yes like you mentioned, I _am_ afraid of what people think and have irrational beliefs and all that, and I agree that we might be able to change that. But what made me feeling bleak and hopeless is I personally have never seen change. I have tried to change! I've known that I have sp for several years and tried counseling and changing myself and so on. But I don't think I've ever changed, ever since like I was about 3 years old --yes I can vividly remember some episodes that far back e.g. when I was about that age, I used to hide behind my parents' legs when visiting relatives, and my parents would pull me out, introduce me to the person and tell me to say hello or something. <= and my point for this example is, 3-year-olds can't have irrational beliefs or be self-conscious, so I'm worried at least part of the nervousness is hardwired in my brain, which means it's pretty hard for improvement.. well.. I guess I'm not denying the possibility of improvement but I'm just not seeing it.

no! stop trying! lock yourself in your closet and stay there, forever!

Actually, forget what i said. Follow this man´s advice, it´ll take you much farther in life.

Ha. You know that's not what I wanted to hear. "should we keep trying" is not the question I wanted to ask really. Let me rephrase it this way: maybe what I wanted to know is "what keeps you guys trying" "what gives you the perseverance and hope". And I wanted to see how much hope there is for me.