Should I Stay Or Should I Go?


Well-known member
Hi All

Here is a link of my full story of my relationship with me and my ex.

Since I returned back to my old job. My team suspect I and my ex were/are in a relationship. I and my ex work in the same team. But my management has ensured that we don't work closely together anymore.

Since I and my ex split up. I got on with my life. Didn't contact him anymore. The space that we had had worked wonders between us. To the point, he contacted me to iniate meeting up and going out for a drink and meal.

After one month of seeing him often. My feelings for him started to come back.

When we met up after work. He informed me he wants us to get back together. He feels we are on better terms. He thanked me for giving him space and time. He informed he wants us to go back to meeting up, dating and hanging out. However, he doesn't want to ever move in with me.

He said, he thinks my attitude towards things has matured greatly. I am a lot more patient hence giving him space and time - I guess this was one aspect of the relationship he didn't like - shame it took to tell me after we split up.

I informed I was happy that the space and time has helped him greatly. However, if we were to get back together. I don't want a casual relationship as I do want him to move in with me. I want the relationship to progress. I don't want to invest my time into something for it not to progress.

I'm happy that my ways has improved to the point where he feels a relationship can happen. However, he needs to work on his issues and show commitment towards the relationship.

He confirmed he knows I won't back down on the idea on him moving in together. I told him either he faces his commitment issues and deals with it - then the relationship won't work. I'm happy to give him space and time. I reasured that I'm not in it for the short term. He thanked me for that.

He said - he will need a lot of space and time to face this.

So I've backed off and got on with my life. I do check in with him from time to time. He tells me he has been thinking about it but continues on wanting his space. I try to encourage him to talk about how he is feeling. However, he runs away.

Do you think this relationship can work? Or do I cut my losses and go? Do I continue on with my life via giving him space?
I would cut my losses and go, if I were you. From all your posts, it has seemed like this relationship has been a roller coaster, and after this long there is no reason to think it will ever be anything but a roller coaster.

I think you have been very patient, and given him a lot more chances and space than most people ever would. But you have to think about yourself at some point as well. Are you willing to wait half a year just for him to come back with another compromise that will allow him to avoid the commitment he is fearing?

I think people can change, I don't like to think any part of us is completely set in stone. At the same time, it is unlikely that an individual who says he never wants to move in with another person is suddenly going to become someone who is gung-ho about sharing his life and himself with another person.

It just to me sounds like you are waiting for him to become a person he is never going to be. And I think he might be hoping for you to turn into a person you aren't as well. I think feelings are weird like that, you can love someone who isn't compatible with you in the slightest, and have no feeling for a person who is a perfect fit. I think it hard for both people to be happy without that compatibility. There are situations where love and feelings, unfortunately, are not enough. And one of those situations is when one person wants a stable, committed relationship and the other doesn't.