Should I leave?

[anomicdeer]

I've been in this relationship for 2 years now. I have my stuff packed and I have until tomorrow noon to make up my mind. Here's what's going on.

I'm having a problem (obviously) with my boyfriend. We have a child. My boyfriend doesn't help out with anything. I have to keep nagging at him about thing. I shouldn't have to. He tells me I need to in order for anything to get done . I tell him over and over again. This happened forever. After he threatened me for the 3 third( maybe more than that) time and I finally said I'm leaving. Once I started packing and told him that the internet will not be in my name anymore (he can't get it in his name) he kind of tried to get me to change my mind.

He went to his sisters and she tried telling me that I should reconsider because he loves us but doesn't show it and that it was a wake up call and that he is really hurt.

He came back the next day (today) and for the first time tell me that he doesn't want me to leave and that he wants to work it out and get better. Also that I need to keep nagging him about things, to write a list and time of things to do, that he will spend time with us.

I've done those things before so I doubt he really will do anything but maybe he will since he know I'm serious about leaving. Maybe...
I just think that he wants to keep the internet that's all. Plus he relies on my mom to get him computer parts (unnecessary things) because no one else in his family will even get it for him (he can't afford it himself).

I doubt he cares about my mom but he would USE her for her money. She didn't get anything for him lately because she knows what's going on and probably noticed that he can keep up with if she got him a computer part but not help around the house and with the baby.

I think it will just cycle again like always.

Plus with the relationships with my mom I don't know if I should be stupid and risk it happening all over again. I told myself if he threatened me to leave again then I will leave no matter what he says. Well I didn't think he would try to stop me because he seemed as if he didn't want me here.

Give me advice please. Should I leave?

 

[WishingICould]

Well, i wouldn't be comfortable telling a stranger how to handle their personal life, but, if you aren't happy and don't think things are going to change then maybe having a break from him for a while might be a good idea.

 

[UnOccupied]

Can you move away but still be in contact with him? Or move away a couple miles only?

To be HONEST here (don't want to beat around the bush), any man who threatens a women is weak. This guys sounds like a total idiot. You don't EVER threaten a women. I know that's harsh, but i'm sorry that just doesn't fly with me.

Give him some space. Give yourself some space. Communicate the reason why though. Write it out in a letter, or tell him on the phone. Key here is not face to face because emotion will take over. He needs to know what he did and how to fix it clearly.

 

[WishingICould]

Can you move away but still be in contact with him? Or move away a couple miles only?

To be HONEST here (don't want to beat around the bush), any man who threatens a women is weak. This guys sounds like a total idiot. You don't EVER threaten a women. I know that's harsh, but i'm sorry that just doesn't fly with me.

Give him some space. Give yourself some space. Communicate the reason why though. Write it out in a letter, or tell him on the phone. Key here is not face to face because emotion will take over. He needs to know what he did and how to fix it clearly.

I agree with that. No-one should be threatening each other and if there's any violence whatsoever you should never give someone a second chance. I'm not saying your boyfriend is violent OP.

 

[FallenFeathers]

It is really hard to give other people advice in this sort of situation, because while it might seem simple or obvious in our opinions... your the one who has to deal with the consequences.

How do you feel about him though? Do you still love him, do you think you guys can be happy?

Does he struggle with depression or anything? I mean is there a reason for the fact you have to try and remind him to do things? Sorry for all the questions I'm just trying to get a bigger picture.

I struggle with depression quite badly, and I live on my own but don't always do the things I should because getting out of bed some days can be a struggle on it's own, but if/when I am living with someone I care about, that seems to kick my ass into gear no matter how ****ty I feel, I bite the bullet and get on with it because it's not just me I have to think about. You shouldn't really have to be looking after a grown man as well as a child In fact a guy should be there to ease some of the pressure off you imo if anything... he should want to.. and not have to be forced or reminded either.

The fact this has all happened and he's supposedly turned over a new leaf, yet has still turned round and said you have to nag him still and write lists says to me he's still not willing to be fully responsible. I also think while it's natural for couples to argue sometimes, threatening is not good,more so once it starts becoming a pattern.

All that being said, I don't think there's ever any harm in trying to give something more time to see if it can work (unless the threatening gets worse or you ever feel scared in your own home), even if it still doesn't work least you can really say to yourself I tried my best and really gave it enough chances to get better. So I would maybe stick it out for a bit longer, but if nothing improve, and you don't love him anymore then I would maybe leave yeah

 

[ukmale]

any man that threatens to lay one finger on a famale doesn't deserve to have that person in this life

 

[anomicdeer]

Excuse me, I read this over before I posted and still didn't notice until now...

When I said he threaten me I meant "He threatened me to leave".

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

All I can say, is that this type of relationship never works. You're always going to feel resentful about him and vice versa. If you stay, I have a feeling it won't be long before he falls back in his patterns. You guys will probably split at one point on another, the question is when.

If you really do love each other then some sort of counseling would be essential.