Shock

[Koumori]

I was diagnosed with having agoraphobia yesterday. I was really shocked, and I still am in a sense I feel upset and a little lost about it.

I mean, what can I do? What can I do? I have a boyfriend, who also doesn't know how to deal with it but wants to support me. I moved out of my parent's house at sixteen last year, so they don't want to know either. I felt alone before and now on knowing this I feel even more pathetic than before. I don't know how to cope against it.

Although getting a name for it made me feel more normal, in a way, I still feel like a failure. I don't know how to fight against this or be able to combat the fear.

Any ideas? Any would be so welcome.

 

[Waybuloo]

I was diagnosed with having agoraphobia yesterday. I was really shocked, and I still am in a sense I feel upset and a little lost about it.

I mean, what can I do? What can I do? I have a boyfriend, who also doesn't know how to deal with it but wants to support me. I moved out of my parent's house at sixteen last year, so they don't want to know either. I felt alone before and now on knowing this I feel even more pathetic than before. I don't know how to cope against it.

Although getting a name for it made me feel more normal, in a way, I still feel like a failure. I don't know how to fight against this or be able to combat the fear.

Any ideas? Any would be so welcome.

Hi i'm sorry that you feel such shock. It'll take time for it to sink in and you'll be in a better frame of mind to think of how to deal with it. It's natural to feel pathetic and a failure, people are conditioned to think that our minds should be invincible, whereas physical illness is widely accepted and sympathised with. I'd like to think of the body as the hardware and the mind as the software, both of which need our care and attention and the state of one affects that of the other.

I do know of someone who has overcome Agoraphobia. He took little steps, things like walking out of the door to daily trips to the shops. It isn't easy but it is certainly do-able. IMO Agoraphobia is something that is very compatible with CBT, so depending on where you are from and your medical/insurance situation it is best to get referral to a CBT practitioner. CBT is confronting your fears head-on, with thought and behavioural challenges. If that doesn't work for you, you could try something along the lines of Acceptance (?) therapy which encourages you to live your life alongside your fear, making your goals the focus and accepting the fears as they are. Then there is Mindfulness which is like Acceptance but more focused on living in the here and now, not about the past or the future (even tomorrow), living life in small time compartments, and focusing on your immediate goals. You could combine many ways of coping, even with medication.

 

[Sorta]

I do know of someone who has overcome Agoraphobia. He took little steps,

This is what I did as well. Just keep taking small steps, anything you can think of.

 

[agoraphobickatie]

waybuloo gave you some sound advice.. i was living with my boyfriend when my agoraphobia hit me out of nowhere.. i had been perfectly fine one day, and the next day i began having intense anxiety every single time i stepped out the door. i had to quit my job and basically quit my life... my boyfriend ended up breaking up with me about a month after i quit my job, so i was forced to move back in with my dad.. it was probably the best thing to ever happen to me, because i needed some real support and i couldn't have done it without the help of my parents.. hopefully your boyfriend can be there for you even if he doesn't quite understand, he doesn't have to understand what you're feeling, just know that it does effect you... you just need him to be there with you, having someone to talk to when you're anxious can be a great distraction!

anyway, CBT is the way i went.. it took me a long time to realize that i HAD to start facing my fears or i was never going to get anywhere. i took small steps and forced myself to do something i was afraid of doing every single day. i'd ride around in the car with my dad until i was comfortable with it. then go inside a small store near my house with him every day until i was more comfortable with it. then i'd go inside the store while he waited in the car until i felt better about it. then i began trying to drive on my own again, i'd drive across the street and pull right back into my driveway at first and then went further and further distances. then i'd drive alone to the store and go inside for a few minutes.. i'd take small steps, stay on one step until i felt okay with it and then push myself further and further.. i learned to keep hope and have a positive attitude, because being negative got me absolutely nowhere. after almost a year, i let my want to do something (go play trivia with my friends) overcome my fear of doing it.. that was probably the biggest step i took and i really learned a lot from that. you have no idea how great it felt driving home in my own car, by myself with my windows down and my music turned up.. that night taught me that you won't ever have confidence before you do something you're scared about, only after.. you may not stop worrying or feeling anxious, but you must do it to move forward.. it's been about a year and three months and now i'm able to hang out with my friends again without feeling much anxiety at all. i can drive alone to the store and go in by myself. and hopefully soon, i'll feel comfortable enough to start volunteering somewhere or get a part time job... anyway, it's been difficult, and i still have a little ways to go.. but when i realized that i could overcome it and that there was no limit to how far i could come, things really started becoming easier for me..

i'm sorry this message turned into a novel!! :: if you ever want to talk or ask me anything, just send me a message! best wishes to you!!

 

[Koumori]

Hiya everyone,

Thank you so much for replying, seriously It means alot that other people have read this and have given me advice, which is really really helpful...it's so great to hear it is possible to overcome it, it isn't the end of my life.

Waybuloo, I will look into both of those options and hopefully one of them will work for me. My boyfriend encourages me to go out and to just keep talking to him and before we know it, we've took the bus and we're in the middle of the town centre. It's harder than it sounds, but he's really supportive. Hopefully it'll continue like that, and if I look into those options to have someone next to me will probably help

@Sorta, thank you It's good to know something helped you, it gives me more hope.

@agoraphobickatie, yes that's what I'm worried about, being left cutting off my whole life for it..I'm already avoiding work and going back to college because of it. I'm putting my life on hold and it's making me worse, because I feel like I'm not achieving anything. Luckily me and my boyfriend are looking for a flat, which we can do over the phone and internet, so I don't feel totally useless. But what happens when we move, what can I do then? Your post inspires me to start working against it sooner rather than later so that I don't slide back into depression because of this rut. Thank you! It was so inspiring to read your post.