Let me start out with this saying at the moment i'm currently in a relationship with my partner living with me at home, a home i happen to share with my mum, a home i've shared for 30 years (my whole life).
I feel i do have many regrets about my life, missed opportunities and the likes. My biggest regret used to be how i could never find a girl, and nothing else seemed to matter - But now i'm so happy that i'm not lonely anymore. Sadly though, this relationship seems rocky because of my mother being the constant focal point.
My biggest regret now is that i probably should have tried to lead a more independent life, but my self confidence about independence seems to have been whittled down so much that it just feels like a big hole now.
I have never really had a masively close relationship to my mum (Or my parents in honesty) while i was growing up. During the early years of my life i was always bullied and couldn't really protect myself, yet it was always my mum who would "protect" me - My dad was a very bad alcoholic while i was growing up, and this caused endless rows between the parents.
I would normally be out the room while my mum would have screaming rows with him, my dad for the most part just stayed silent. She would start smashing plates around the house and obviously growing up this was something that did stick with me. If my dad ever got out of the situation (ie, going bed) then she would do her best to make sure he didn't sleep - either put music on outside the room, or the more common one, putting on the hoover. God knows what he'd be thinking.
My dad never reacted to this, after a massive blazing arguement then things may well have died down for a few weeks were no alcohol would be (knowingly) consumed so it was just "normal". It was probably during these times were i lived a relatively ordinary life - and communication between the parents were normal.
We moved home when i was about 13-14 into a new area. While i used to be bullied in my old home/area, this had ceased years before when i started to protect myself, so the nature of the move was very much unknown to me, so i ended up becoming more withdrawn since i lost all my friends physically. I still really don't know too many people in this area, even though we've lived here for the 15 years since.
When i was 16 shortly out of school, one of my brothers suddenly died in an accident and this rocked me heavily. This i feel became the turning point in my life of becoming somewhat of a hermit. The arguements continued, and i remember being in my room during my mums smashing of plates scene that my dad finally had enough - he grabbed her and threw her out the house, and i had to go with her while she stayed at her sisters overnight.
The next morning it was calm, but then the discussion i had slightly been worried over happened - the talk of divorce. "Thankfully" nothing materialised and infact things became much smoother after this, my dad did suffer a minor heart attack which pretty much cemented his cause for no more alcohol.
I got my first job and during my tenure of this my mum was visiting my brothers graveside when she got attacked by muggers, this has knocked her confidence massively and i don't think she was the same person after this, always worried going out on her own etc, especially to the church.
Over the years i picked up on several things about my mum, she can be passively aggressive on the phone, i work in a call centre so i know the etiquette you have to follow if you're speaking to a representative - my mum talks to them disgustingly bad, again screaming down the phone, not listening to them, so i have to take over the call and bring a bit of normality back to the conversation, i am always terribly embarrassed by having to do it.
My life with my parents took a firther turn, my dad did pass away eventually. I didn't show any emotion to my mum or to anyone infact, instead i bottled it up until one day i had a bad day in work and i had my first ever (and only) panic attack. This changed me quite a lot as i ended up quitting my job and i lived a life completely solitary from that point.
I wouldn't (or couldn't?) communicate with my mum anymore, i just stayed in my bedroom constantly.If i needed to ask my mum anything, i couldn't talk to her - i had to write a brief note about what i wanted, if she asked me about it, i would give very small answers (yes/no).
She did become concerned about this and told my doctor who signed me up to therapy, i wasn't getting to the root cause - the psyciatrists were talking to me but it didn't get through, they weren't helping diagnose - until i got passed onto someone who was Social Anxiety trained.
I finally had a breakthrough and my life was now further than my bedroom - but at the same time, my relationship with my mum still didn't progress. I couldn't communicate.
I still couldn't do anything really, my mum would make my dinner and wash my clothes and in all sense of the word babify me. My mum was very much i felt in control of my independence and my life - but i didn't know how to communicate to her to let me take some control.
In the end i found my partner to be, through online dating. The issue was that she wasn't local - She lived an hours drive away, we made it work somehow, me staying at hers. She also lived with her mum, however my partner had incredibly independence - she looked after her mum as she was disabled so she did almost everything in the house.
She wanted to move away, and i suggested perhaps she come live with me - The times that she did come, my mum was okay and it seemed best suited to us. She moved in and we had a "honeymoon" period, but this quickly wore off due to the interference with my mum.
I think (and so does my partner) that she wants to still try and continue to control my life, my partner does the cooking along with the washing, but my mum has been interfering saying that "the clothes cleaning is starting to get expensive - don't use the drier anymore" so we're forced into not using certain utilities.
My partner didn't really expect the relationship i had with my mother were i won't stand my ground with her and she is becoming incredibly frustrated with how she is being around us.
I have recently been in dispute with a trades person over an appliance i bought which was faulty. Me working in customer services knew the protocol you had to follow, so i raised my complaint with the trader.
My mum though, disregarded my wishes for her to get involved and got into a blazing arguement with the trader. Since then the trader has made up lie after lie, while i was once in control of the situation i am no longer because my mum is constantly butting in making her demands.
One of my other brothers showed what happens if you tell her to back off - she's ended up having a massive falling out with him, and the situation at home is can i afford to say anything? My partner is so fed up of it that she keeps talking about returning to were she came from and i'm starting to feel like i'm losing control of the situation.
My partner expects me to blow my top at my mother because i'm still bottling it up, but my mum doesn't handle criticsm at all. Her best friend has recently just died so she's also more lonely than ever also, and i feel that while i live here i'm giving her "security" but at the same time, my life is off the rails.
I feel i do need to move out, but i don't think we could afford it. So i feel "stuck".
I do feel a strong resentment to my mum though but at the same time i feel it's also my own fault for letting myself get into a situation like this without taking control much earlier. I just don't know anymore...
I feel i do have many regrets about my life, missed opportunities and the likes. My biggest regret used to be how i could never find a girl, and nothing else seemed to matter - But now i'm so happy that i'm not lonely anymore. Sadly though, this relationship seems rocky because of my mother being the constant focal point.
My biggest regret now is that i probably should have tried to lead a more independent life, but my self confidence about independence seems to have been whittled down so much that it just feels like a big hole now.
I have never really had a masively close relationship to my mum (Or my parents in honesty) while i was growing up. During the early years of my life i was always bullied and couldn't really protect myself, yet it was always my mum who would "protect" me - My dad was a very bad alcoholic while i was growing up, and this caused endless rows between the parents.
I would normally be out the room while my mum would have screaming rows with him, my dad for the most part just stayed silent. She would start smashing plates around the house and obviously growing up this was something that did stick with me. If my dad ever got out of the situation (ie, going bed) then she would do her best to make sure he didn't sleep - either put music on outside the room, or the more common one, putting on the hoover. God knows what he'd be thinking.
My dad never reacted to this, after a massive blazing arguement then things may well have died down for a few weeks were no alcohol would be (knowingly) consumed so it was just "normal". It was probably during these times were i lived a relatively ordinary life - and communication between the parents were normal.
We moved home when i was about 13-14 into a new area. While i used to be bullied in my old home/area, this had ceased years before when i started to protect myself, so the nature of the move was very much unknown to me, so i ended up becoming more withdrawn since i lost all my friends physically. I still really don't know too many people in this area, even though we've lived here for the 15 years since.
When i was 16 shortly out of school, one of my brothers suddenly died in an accident and this rocked me heavily. This i feel became the turning point in my life of becoming somewhat of a hermit. The arguements continued, and i remember being in my room during my mums smashing of plates scene that my dad finally had enough - he grabbed her and threw her out the house, and i had to go with her while she stayed at her sisters overnight.
The next morning it was calm, but then the discussion i had slightly been worried over happened - the talk of divorce. "Thankfully" nothing materialised and infact things became much smoother after this, my dad did suffer a minor heart attack which pretty much cemented his cause for no more alcohol.
I got my first job and during my tenure of this my mum was visiting my brothers graveside when she got attacked by muggers, this has knocked her confidence massively and i don't think she was the same person after this, always worried going out on her own etc, especially to the church.
Over the years i picked up on several things about my mum, she can be passively aggressive on the phone, i work in a call centre so i know the etiquette you have to follow if you're speaking to a representative - my mum talks to them disgustingly bad, again screaming down the phone, not listening to them, so i have to take over the call and bring a bit of normality back to the conversation, i am always terribly embarrassed by having to do it.
My life with my parents took a firther turn, my dad did pass away eventually. I didn't show any emotion to my mum or to anyone infact, instead i bottled it up until one day i had a bad day in work and i had my first ever (and only) panic attack. This changed me quite a lot as i ended up quitting my job and i lived a life completely solitary from that point.
I wouldn't (or couldn't?) communicate with my mum anymore, i just stayed in my bedroom constantly.If i needed to ask my mum anything, i couldn't talk to her - i had to write a brief note about what i wanted, if she asked me about it, i would give very small answers (yes/no).
She did become concerned about this and told my doctor who signed me up to therapy, i wasn't getting to the root cause - the psyciatrists were talking to me but it didn't get through, they weren't helping diagnose - until i got passed onto someone who was Social Anxiety trained.
I finally had a breakthrough and my life was now further than my bedroom - but at the same time, my relationship with my mum still didn't progress. I couldn't communicate.
I still couldn't do anything really, my mum would make my dinner and wash my clothes and in all sense of the word babify me. My mum was very much i felt in control of my independence and my life - but i didn't know how to communicate to her to let me take some control.
In the end i found my partner to be, through online dating. The issue was that she wasn't local - She lived an hours drive away, we made it work somehow, me staying at hers. She also lived with her mum, however my partner had incredibly independence - she looked after her mum as she was disabled so she did almost everything in the house.
She wanted to move away, and i suggested perhaps she come live with me - The times that she did come, my mum was okay and it seemed best suited to us. She moved in and we had a "honeymoon" period, but this quickly wore off due to the interference with my mum.
I think (and so does my partner) that she wants to still try and continue to control my life, my partner does the cooking along with the washing, but my mum has been interfering saying that "the clothes cleaning is starting to get expensive - don't use the drier anymore" so we're forced into not using certain utilities.
My partner didn't really expect the relationship i had with my mother were i won't stand my ground with her and she is becoming incredibly frustrated with how she is being around us.
I have recently been in dispute with a trades person over an appliance i bought which was faulty. Me working in customer services knew the protocol you had to follow, so i raised my complaint with the trader.
My mum though, disregarded my wishes for her to get involved and got into a blazing arguement with the trader. Since then the trader has made up lie after lie, while i was once in control of the situation i am no longer because my mum is constantly butting in making her demands.
One of my other brothers showed what happens if you tell her to back off - she's ended up having a massive falling out with him, and the situation at home is can i afford to say anything? My partner is so fed up of it that she keeps talking about returning to were she came from and i'm starting to feel like i'm losing control of the situation.
My partner expects me to blow my top at my mother because i'm still bottling it up, but my mum doesn't handle criticsm at all. Her best friend has recently just died so she's also more lonely than ever also, and i feel that while i live here i'm giving her "security" but at the same time, my life is off the rails.
I feel i do need to move out, but i don't think we could afford it. So i feel "stuck".
I do feel a strong resentment to my mum though but at the same time i feel it's also my own fault for letting myself get into a situation like this without taking control much earlier. I just don't know anymore...
