New_Hope
Member
Hello Everybody!
Before I address about myself, and why social anxiety is affecting me. I would like to say, I never knew that thier websites like these out there... I am pretty glad there are.
I am 22, and some people may think, thats a young age not experience anxiety. I beg to differ. Social anxiety can affect anyone and everyone due to numerous reasons.
Let me talk about myself, I have been traumatised since I was 8 years old, that was due to poor parenting, shall we say, you could say my dad in particular was a better parent to Whiskey than myself. I grew up, without any love or care from father, just horrible name calling, which destroyed my soul inside. He didnt hit me all the time, (Thank god!). But it severely is horrible, and mind pain staking, when your youth is where you learn about the world, and not be hindered. It affected me in primary school, where I didnt have many friends, but I had at least so i thought 3 so i thought.
However due to the problems as home, It never really bothered to me, I wouldnt go out as much in the sense of places but just play on the roads etc. However when I started secondary school, i was now 12, still suffering abuse at the hands of my dad, if your wondering why he behaved the way he did, was probably down to losing his job. I still remember on the first day of school, One student in particular, was abit funny towards me in the sense, he stared at me differently. Remember its the first day of school, so i was pretty naive and scared so much... On that same day, in drama class, the teacher was so pushy on me, he told me to sit on a girls lap, He kept pushing me and pushing me infront of the class, i Just burst out crying, well not like a baby, but tears started rolling down my eyes... it was so embarrasing... From that day onwards, I would get bullied..................
Writing about it now, I am starting to feel weird... thinking about it. But so much of it is blocked now.. so its hard to recall as much detail, but i recall the main horrible stuff. That yr and the other two years, so 3 yrs in total i was bullied, not only verbally but physically. My so called friends did jack all, or nothing... they turned out not to be friends, but selfish people.. and sided with the enemies so i speak. I was smacked on my face on numerous occasions, by two bullies, but one of them stood out of the other, as he had relatives and was in a so called gang of elder people, so yea i was very scared. I would come home in those 3 years, with bruises on my face, i would cry on numerous occasions in the classroom infront of girls. I felt weak, feeling weak, i didnt go out as much outside of the house. when I turned 15/16 I didnt go out, but came out as an intelligent book worm, didnt have friends i would say at all. from 17-20.... I suffered verbal bullying from one individual, for a long period of time, which eventually faded away when i left, but there was a small segment, where i actually got physically assaulted and racially abused by another student, but the bizzare thing was, his parents were immigrants. During my adolescent, I had no friends, i hate college, it was rubbish, i was let down by the teachers, i was so fustrated, and in pain, and didnt care about myself, how i looked, i was a lost child, i would end up in day dreaming mode 24/7. When I started University, I moved away from home, I was vulnerable, soft as fur, Innocent, I didnt connect well with people, in my first year at university, but gradually towards the end, i was finding more about who i really am, and how much i developed, dont get me wrong, i was still a damaged boy inside, by 2008, my father had stopped drinking, but the damage was done.
I made two great friends, i would say one was my best friend... But i fell out with them, and you could say they had elements of the bullies of the past. I used go out clubbing, i was pushing myself as much i as i could, but at the end, i knew i had no friends. I tried hard to socalise, make friends in the labs, but still no good, there were lots of cunning, and arrogant people, made me think of how the world operates. In my final year, i bogged down, and focused on my studies, not caring about my social life anymore. I graduated july 2011. But heres the significance of my story....
The painful past came back to haunt me.... I moved back this yr july 2011 home. Me and my father relationship is in turmoil.. and its not my fault. Anyway, I Couldnt sleep, and couldnt go out as much even today, i push myself to go out, but i have this fear i will be hit or too alert... I signed up to this website, so i can get help, I have had counselling in university, but it was for a small number of sessions, i wanted to meet likemind people, who i can express myself with, and hopefully end my demons.. once and for all and move on with my life.
Thank you for reading... and look forward to your comments.
Before I address about myself, and why social anxiety is affecting me. I would like to say, I never knew that thier websites like these out there... I am pretty glad there are.
I am 22, and some people may think, thats a young age not experience anxiety. I beg to differ. Social anxiety can affect anyone and everyone due to numerous reasons.
Let me talk about myself, I have been traumatised since I was 8 years old, that was due to poor parenting, shall we say, you could say my dad in particular was a better parent to Whiskey than myself. I grew up, without any love or care from father, just horrible name calling, which destroyed my soul inside. He didnt hit me all the time, (Thank god!). But it severely is horrible, and mind pain staking, when your youth is where you learn about the world, and not be hindered. It affected me in primary school, where I didnt have many friends, but I had at least so i thought 3 so i thought.
However due to the problems as home, It never really bothered to me, I wouldnt go out as much in the sense of places but just play on the roads etc. However when I started secondary school, i was now 12, still suffering abuse at the hands of my dad, if your wondering why he behaved the way he did, was probably down to losing his job. I still remember on the first day of school, One student in particular, was abit funny towards me in the sense, he stared at me differently. Remember its the first day of school, so i was pretty naive and scared so much... On that same day, in drama class, the teacher was so pushy on me, he told me to sit on a girls lap, He kept pushing me and pushing me infront of the class, i Just burst out crying, well not like a baby, but tears started rolling down my eyes... it was so embarrasing... From that day onwards, I would get bullied..................
Writing about it now, I am starting to feel weird... thinking about it. But so much of it is blocked now.. so its hard to recall as much detail, but i recall the main horrible stuff. That yr and the other two years, so 3 yrs in total i was bullied, not only verbally but physically. My so called friends did jack all, or nothing... they turned out not to be friends, but selfish people.. and sided with the enemies so i speak. I was smacked on my face on numerous occasions, by two bullies, but one of them stood out of the other, as he had relatives and was in a so called gang of elder people, so yea i was very scared. I would come home in those 3 years, with bruises on my face, i would cry on numerous occasions in the classroom infront of girls. I felt weak, feeling weak, i didnt go out as much outside of the house. when I turned 15/16 I didnt go out, but came out as an intelligent book worm, didnt have friends i would say at all. from 17-20.... I suffered verbal bullying from one individual, for a long period of time, which eventually faded away when i left, but there was a small segment, where i actually got physically assaulted and racially abused by another student, but the bizzare thing was, his parents were immigrants. During my adolescent, I had no friends, i hate college, it was rubbish, i was let down by the teachers, i was so fustrated, and in pain, and didnt care about myself, how i looked, i was a lost child, i would end up in day dreaming mode 24/7. When I started University, I moved away from home, I was vulnerable, soft as fur, Innocent, I didnt connect well with people, in my first year at university, but gradually towards the end, i was finding more about who i really am, and how much i developed, dont get me wrong, i was still a damaged boy inside, by 2008, my father had stopped drinking, but the damage was done.
I made two great friends, i would say one was my best friend... But i fell out with them, and you could say they had elements of the bullies of the past. I used go out clubbing, i was pushing myself as much i as i could, but at the end, i knew i had no friends. I tried hard to socalise, make friends in the labs, but still no good, there were lots of cunning, and arrogant people, made me think of how the world operates. In my final year, i bogged down, and focused on my studies, not caring about my social life anymore. I graduated july 2011. But heres the significance of my story....
The painful past came back to haunt me.... I moved back this yr july 2011 home. Me and my father relationship is in turmoil.. and its not my fault. Anyway, I Couldnt sleep, and couldnt go out as much even today, i push myself to go out, but i have this fear i will be hit or too alert... I signed up to this website, so i can get help, I have had counselling in university, but it was for a small number of sessions, i wanted to meet likemind people, who i can express myself with, and hopefully end my demons.. once and for all and move on with my life.
Thank you for reading... and look forward to your comments.
