You are not alone! (Nice name by the way).
I hear ya totally.
I'm pretty much housebound. I drive hubby up to the gas station here so he can get cokes.. smokes.. alcohol.. but I rarely get out. I only go to doctor appts and it IS the same thing everytime. Only my past dictates my future. The docs get perks and that's the meds they will prescribe, even if I've been on them before. Or they think just because I am/was an addict means I will abuse anything within my reach, even though I've proven otherwise. Even though to prove it further, I don't handle my own meds, have my grandmother that hubby and I live with handle them.
I did find being on Paxil made my anxiety tons worse, woke up shaking, went to bed shaking. I've felt better since I got off of it. I just don't think SSRI's are the way to go for me since I've pretty much been on all of them. Sometimes I really think I make better progress on my own. Every time I go to the doc it's bad, and I have a severe attack. I just hope next time I get the pleasure of vomiting on their floor. Which I've done on many occasion, or fainting... dissociating where looking through my own eyes seems miles away.
I have had social anxiety as long as I can remember, it worsened at the very beginning of 2004 into agoraphobia. Even now as I type this I notice my leg is kicking at a thousand miles per hour and my teeth are clenched tight. I'm starting to shake and have to take a breath. I have to clench my teeth harder to hold back a tear. That's PTSD for ya. The drinking and using.. all to cover up agoraphobia in the first place. I hate it when docs belittle my problem like my agoraphobia didn't exist until after I drank and used. It's total bull. Like I said, better progress on my own.
Hey, anyway, if you need to talk, message me anytime.
-Shattered