AlienGeranium
Well-known member
Should someone who has a tendency to try to remove themselves from the world keep people at bay? It feels like a catch-22, if we do the isolation wears on you and creates a terrible loneliness, and just keeps things bad. But if we don't, and let people in when the tides are high and the sun is shinning, we risk when it gets dark creating so much more pain than had we stayed alone.
I feel taking steps to get my life under control and SA and depression and whatever the hell my problem is requires other people, since there is only so much one can do alone, especially when interaction with humans is part of the problem to begin with. But what if I'm hopeless? What if I'm destined to repeat the same routine until I succeed?
I was dating someone a few years ago, and it was a time when I was making huge progress with my problems and taking real steps forward. It eventually started t peter out though, and I got back to a place I didn't want to be. She said she never loved me in the end, but I still can't imagine how horrible it must of been for her when she had to call 911 when she found me. How could I not care, or not realize, what I was doing?
What if I get there again? I'm with someone who actually loves me now, am I selfish for letting that happen? I don't feel strong enough to deal with all the challenges thrown at me in life. I'm mad at myself for letting things build up to an overwhelming point. Maybe it's moments like these that define what kind of person I really am. I know I've felt like a shitty person for a while now, but I hadn't had many opportunities to right that.
For once I really feel like I don't know myself. I'm as unsure as to what actions I'm going to take over the next few days as a stranger might be.
You could say I'm a stranger to myself.
I feel taking steps to get my life under control and SA and depression and whatever the hell my problem is requires other people, since there is only so much one can do alone, especially when interaction with humans is part of the problem to begin with. But what if I'm hopeless? What if I'm destined to repeat the same routine until I succeed?
I was dating someone a few years ago, and it was a time when I was making huge progress with my problems and taking real steps forward. It eventually started t peter out though, and I got back to a place I didn't want to be. She said she never loved me in the end, but I still can't imagine how horrible it must of been for her when she had to call 911 when she found me. How could I not care, or not realize, what I was doing?
What if I get there again? I'm with someone who actually loves me now, am I selfish for letting that happen? I don't feel strong enough to deal with all the challenges thrown at me in life. I'm mad at myself for letting things build up to an overwhelming point. Maybe it's moments like these that define what kind of person I really am. I know I've felt like a shitty person for a while now, but I hadn't had many opportunities to right that.
For once I really feel like I don't know myself. I'm as unsure as to what actions I'm going to take over the next few days as a stranger might be.
You could say I'm a stranger to myself.