Self Sabotaging Job Opportunities.

Hello self loating locked in for today…Has anyone else purposely turned down a job they were offered due to the fear of their anxiety getting the better of them?

Sure, I had the “rational” reasons as to why I turned down the offer….it would be unfair to expect my 70yo parents to take my 5yo daughter to school and pick her up everyday and entertain her on school holidays half the time while I was at work….BUT it still doesn’t ease the guilt I am feeling today.

The job I had sensed involved good communication or people skills, an idea that quickly consumed me until I believed that I was not the right candidate for the job.

My phoney charade however (largely fueled by the consuming of alcohol) had convinced them I was the right candidate for the job during the interview process. Now before anyone points it out I do realise how stupid of an idea it is to use Dutch courage to perform well in a Job interview, but I am also a realist and understand that without it my anxiety is that bad as to probably not be able to utter a single coherent word the entire time. (plus I take a lot of precautions as to avoid the smelling of it on me which I won’t go into detail about).

I’m 42 now and whatever it is I’ve been there and seen it before, I’ve done those sort of jobs. The gut wrenching anxiety hours before the day starts, the anxiety during the entire day making it impossible to eat, the sleepless nights thinking about doing it all over again the next day…and then the Months this goes on for before any sense of calmness finally kicks in…could I do this to myself once again? I decided not. Do I believe almost everybody has anxiety when starting a new job? Of course, but I also believe us SAD sufferers experience this to a degree of atleast 10 fold more then others.

I had convinced myself the job was simply a quality checker on a farm, going around with a clipboard and checking off key performance criteria. After the interview I was left with the feeling it would much more then just this, with anxiety triggering situations likely to be met daily. Whether I was correct in having that belief I guess I will never know…but one thing is for sure the feeling of regret for making a perceived bad decision is horrible BUT on the other hand anxiety amped to 11 and suffered on a consistent basis for possibly Months at a time is also a huge risk, and one I was apparently not willing to take. Do I consider myself a gutless POS for not willing to take a chance? yep... For now its back to barely keeping my head above water working for myself from home:(.

Do you have similar experiences or advice to give? Feel free to share here.
 
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lily

Well-known member
I'm so sorry you have so much anxiety. I, too, have social anxiety but I can control it in a way. Other times if I HAVE to do something and have no defense then I will feel bad and embarassed about it, but I think my anxiety has gotten to the point where I can manage it and even hide it usually. At least you have a job, good on you! I hope you get better. Take care.
 

lily

Well-known member
Don't worry though, skins. I didn't have a very good day out yesterday. I was always focusing on my eye contact which is the only problem I have and when there were lots of people on the bus, I was anxious! I was anxious bc I was trying to see if I looked up and made eye contact with others/looked at others if I would be anxious and I didn't succeed in that. Later there were less people and my anxiety got better but then 1 person I had anxiety looking at for a sec when I looked up at them and the other I didn't have anxiety looking at when I looked the other way. but in small groups of familiar people I was ok. Then again, even if it was small and if I wasn't familiar I just might still have anxiety and if it was one on one but I wasn't familiar with them, I still might have anxiety, or probably not! So sometimes my eye contact is ok and other times it's not. That's where I'm at right now. I feel I need counselling or just something out there that would help me! So you're not alone in feeling messed up and kind of screwed. I've improved though. before I couldn't even sit in front of people! Or I couldn't talk in front of them with any eye contact. Now I can but it still feels awkward at times.
 
Don't worry though, skins. I didn't have a very good day out yesterday. I was always focusing on my eye contact which is the only problem I have and when there were lots of people on the bus, I was anxious! I was anxious bc I was trying to see if I looked up and made eye contact with others/looked at others if I would be anxious and I didn't succeed in that. Later there were less people and my anxiety got better but then 1 person I had anxiety looking at for a sec when I looked up at them and the other I didn't have anxiety looking at when I looked the other way. but in small groups of familiar people I was ok. Then again, even if it was small and if I wasn't familiar I just might still have anxiety and if it was one on one but I wasn't familiar with them, I still might have anxiety, or probably not! So sometimes my eye contact is ok and other times it's not. That's where I'm at right now. I feel I need counselling or just something out there that would help me! So you're not alone in feeling messed up and kind of screwed. I've improved though. before I couldn't even sit in front of people! Or I couldn't talk in front of them with any eye contact. Now I can but it still feels awkward at times.
sorry to hear that, hope you're having a better day today...i'm feeling a little bit better today myself by being able to forgive myself and deal with my regret a little more. Also realising I was under pressure to make a choice prematurely, helped me come to terms with my decision today.
 

lily

Well-known member
sorry to hear that, hope you're having a better day today...i'm feeling a little bit better today myself by being able to forgive myself and deal with my regret a little more. Also realising I was under pressure to make a choice prematurely, helped me come to terms with my decision today.
Yes I think you made the right choice if you weren't going to be able to handle it right now. You should take your time until you are ready and if you're not ever ready, you tried your best. You're still working so that's something to be very proud of already. You're lucky as even if I want to work now, I'm not ready due to being on a medication dose for a reason in which I'm reducing and it makes me feel tired but we'll see where I'll be a year from now. I'm glad you're feeling better today. :)
 
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lily

Well-known member
What kind of things cause you to be anxious in the workplace? perhaps I could help since I don't have any social anxiety in any other area except in eye contact. If you'd like to PM me instead if you want it to be personal that's ok too.
 

Xervello

Well-known member
Hello self loating locked in for today…Has anyone else purposely turned down a job they were offered due to the fear of their anxiety getting the better of them?

Sure, I had the “rational” reasons as to why I turned down the offer….it would be unfair to expect my 70yo parents to take my 5yo daughter to school and pick her up everyday and entertain her on school holidays half the time while I was at work….BUT it still doesn’t ease the guilt I am feeling today.

The job I had sensed involved good communication or people skills, an idea that quickly consumed me until I believed that I was not the right candidate for the job.

My phoney charade however (largely fueled by the consuming of alcohol) had convinced them I was the right candidate for the job during the interview process. Now before anyone points it out I do realise how stupid of an idea it is to use Dutch courage to perform well in a Job interview, but I am also a realist and understand that without it my anxiety is that bad as to probably not be able to utter a single coherent word the entire time. (plus I take a lot of precautions as to avoid the smelling of it on me which I won’t go into detail about).

I’m 42 now and whatever it is I’ve been there and seen it before, I’ve done those sort of jobs. The gut wrenching anxiety hours before the day starts, the anxiety during the entire day making it impossible to eat, the sleepless nights thinking about doing it all over again the next day…and then the Months this goes on for before any sense of calmness finally kicks in…could I do this to myself once again? I decided not. Do I believe almost everybody has anxiety when starting a new job? Of course, but I also believe us SAD sufferers experience this to a degree of atleast 10 fold more then others.

I had convinced myself the job was simply a quality checker on a farm, going around with a clipboard and checking off key performance criteria. After the interview I was left with the feeling it would much more then just this, with anxiety triggering situations likely to be met daily. Whether I was correct in having that belief I guess I will never know…but one thing is for sure the feeling of regret for making a perceived bad decision is horrible BUT on the other hand anxiety amped to 11 and suffered on a consistent basis for possibly Months at a time is also a huge risk, and one I was apparently not willing to take. Do I consider myself a gutless POS for not willing to take a chance? yep... For now its back to barely keeping my head above water working for myself from home:(.

Do you have similar experiences or advice to give? Feel free to share here.

Sorry you felt that way and that it didn't work out. On one hand, you don't want to be working somewhere where you have to drink just to be able to function on the job throughout the day. But on the other, there aren't a lot of great options for people like us with social anxiety. If you have the means and support to wait until you find that ideal opportunity, great. However, it may require taking that chance next time and seeing how it plays out. I commend your courage for trying, at least. It's more than I can say I've done. I wish you luck!
 
Sorry you felt that way and that it didn't work out. On one hand, you don't want to be working somewhere where you have to drink just to be able to function on the job throughout the day. But on the other, there aren't a lot of great options for people like us with social anxiety. If you have the means and support to wait until you find that ideal opportunity, great. However, it may require taking that chance next time and seeing how it plays out. I commend your courage for trying, at least. It's more than I can say I've done. I wish you luck!
hey thanks for your kind words of support. Yes I would also encourage anyone to take on an opportunity to see how it plays out first, rather than dismiss an idea based on premiss alone. I was in the fortunate position to be able wait until the ideal opportunity arises but the trouble is I don't think you can tell what that "perfect opportunity" is until you give it a go.

Then again our brain makes decisions based on past experience and calls on data hidden in the background to make these judgement calls so sometimes you have to trust it's decisions. They have proven in medical studies that our brain makes decisions before we are consciously aware of them, so I dunno, I guess don't let percieved bad descisions get you down either as they could be blessings in desguise aswell.
 
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