Self Injury

[DebbieDowner]

Eight years ago I was in the worst part of my depression and I used to cut myself. Today I have some scars that I'm so ashamed of that I've been wearing long sleeves every summer since 2002...I'm hoping to get some kind of corrective surgery one day, but until then it just serves as a constant reminder of my depression.

I am curious, did anyone else used to cut or otherwise harm themselves?

 

[Danfalc]

I used to,had a break down and possibly some sort of drug induced pyschosis,and I use to do it really badly needing stiches most of the time.I kept doing it even when I got better as it is so addictive..people don't realise it's not about attenion,it really does make you feel better.

Thankfully Ive not done it in ages,I still get urges but I wont act on them.

 

[spect01]

thankfully no

 

[Exposure]

Hi debbie , yeah i have self-harmed in the past , usually with a scissors and ciggarette burns on my arm , not nice but im past all that now

 

[DebbieDowner]

Thanks for posting guys; it's not easy to talk about for most people, for me it's a huge source of anxiety and shame...i think in many ways the scars I have from it have contributed to my anxiety getting worse over the years, especially my SA because i'm so afraid that people will find out that I used to be like that and judge me or think of me differently. In the summer, when I wear long sleeves people always ask me "aren't you hot?? it's 80 degrees outside!"...and then I start to fear that they'll think I'm a cutter NOW which thankfully I'm not...it's a bad cycle.

Most of my friends have no idea that I used to be like that...they also don't know that I've had severe depression all my life and landed in a mental institution when I was a teenager. I find it really hard to deal with this part of my past for some reason, I really just can't let it go. I try to live as much of a normal life as I can but no matter how "normal" I might seem, I'll always be afraid of people finding out the truth about me...

 

[DebbieDowner]

Serafina! Thank you so much!! I've tried a ton of products including silicone gel wraps which seem to have made some difference, but I've never tried Derma-rollers or TriLastin - I'll definitely give it a shot.

 

[Hellhound]

Most of my friends have no idea that I used to be like that...they also don't know that I've had severe depression all my life and landed in a mental institution when I was a teenager. I find it really hard to deal with this part of my past for some reason, I really just can't let it go. I try to live as much of a normal life as I can but no matter how "normal" I might seem, I'll always be afraid of people finding out the truth about me...

But if they are truly your friends, if they truly appreciate you, they won't think anything bad of you if they find it out. If they are good friends, they will understand, they will support you. If they dare to judge you for that, then they are not your friends and you shouldn't waste your time being with them.

 

[DebbieDowner]

Yes, all of what you just said is completely true Hellhound. It's not so much that I think they would judge me, because they probably wouldn't anyway, its just the thought that something I did years ago, that in no way defines the person I am today continues to haunt me and could potentially effect my relationships with people. I just want to be/look normal damnit! I'm so tired of feeling like I have all of these secrets, like I'm damaged goods.

 

[Silvox Black]

Damnation! I chose the wrong choice, although I do not know if beating oneself in a mindless rage and attempting to give oneself bruises would be considered self injury. I have never attempted to cut myself with any sort of weapon however. I have only struck myself at times.

 

[pljunkie]

Damnation! I chose the wrong choice, although I do not know if beating oneself in a mindless rage and attempting to give oneself bruises would be considered self injury. I have never attempted to cut myself with any sort of weapon however. I have only struck myself at times.

I think that is still considered self injury. I sometimes punch my thighs when I feel like I can't get out whatever I need to get out in any other way.

 

[Hellhound]

Yes, all of what you just said is completely true Hellhound. It's not so much that I think they would judge me, because they probably wouldn't anyway, its just the thought that something I did years ago, that in no way defines the person I am today continues to haunt me and could potentially effect my relationships with people. I just want to be/look normal damnit! I'm so tired of feeling like I have all of these secrets, like I'm damaged goods.

You are not abnormal, damaged, or anything of that... You are a normal human being who had some troubles in the past. Most people are just too shitty, too ignorant to understand certain things.. But that's not your fault. I'm sure you are and look normal, some scars won't make you abnormal. If something like this affects your relationships with people, then start wondering if they are the ones who have a problem instead.

 

[FOR REAL]

ive never cut myself, but i find it attractive , cause to me it means that people that do it really do care very deeply . i hope that makes sense.
(not that i would encourage anyone to do it though)

 

[BrokenSailor]

I used to be a cutter foe about 2 years in 06 and 07 when I started college. Nothing serious..just small little scars all above my elbow and below my shoulder (never on my wrist) cause I didn't want anyone to see them: one time mum found a bunch of scratches on my arm and I said that I was riding a friends ATV and I fell on some glass :/ but yeah I hate depression..I loved the way those tiny self-inflicted wounds felt..in a way I felt nothing, but feeling pain made mefeel human again..I live for that cold blade when I was on the edge on some nights. Cutting saved me from doing much worse to myself as sick as it sounds. Btw: hope this post doesn't sound like I'm promoting cutting cause I'm not. It's a terrible habit. Haven't cut since 07 cause of the hideous scars I've left..but..I got tattoos over all of them so you can't even tell they're there..

 

[Etherwind]

I used to, but they weren't that deep. I was embarrassed about the scars that stuck with me all that winter, but when summer came along I spent a lot of time in the sun and got a decent sun burn on that arm. By the time the burn healed up the scars had disappeared, I was pretty happy

 

[lilymartens]

Still do. Don't start, hard to stop.

 

[Silentknight]

I understand the feeling of being ashamed of the scars I don't think I will ever get over that shame either no matter how much time goes by. But at least I've gone a month without cutting not sure if I'll make it, I've gone this far before and stumbled but I'll keep trying. All I can do.

 

[Jake123]

I used to be addicted to cutting. I would excuse myself to the bathroom in school to do it in the stalls because I couldn't wait for my next "fix". I mostly did it on my thighs and legs so no one would notice. I stopped eventually and I haven't in a long time, but it was hard to quit. Luckily I heal very well and don't have any scars, even though I cut like crazy and pretty deep.

 

[staticreflex]

I do, not often, but I still do. Some people found it out and now they think I'm insane and pathetic. It's awesome how understanding and sensitive some people can be... -whine-

I think its people who don't understand it.



I never got into cutting, I tried it once on my wrist, but apparently I really dont' like pain so I didn't do it again.