I've been through hard times during my teenage early years. Some people don't understand why I self harm. I've been bullied in school sand I don't even get high grades. So I went back to my native country (Philippines) because the education is much easier than America. I get homesick a lot and I don't like the environment here. When I walk to school, there will be garbage on the streets and the noise pollution which irritates me. I'm staying with my grandma but she is a religious fanatic. She thinks she knows everything about God and she thinks she can convert people to Christians. She never hurt other people but she can say hurtful words. She told me once that my parents sent me here to get rid of me but that was not true. When she said that, I grabbed a piece of soda can and started cutting on my arms. Then when I think of my past, I started cutting. During my last days of school, I was happy because Im almost coming home but my mom said it will be better to stay in the Philippines until college. Of course she didn't get rid of me but now I'm stuck with my grandma and a maid who thinks Im such an embarrassment in front of my family and the neighbors. I also have anger problems, that's why I humiliated myself in front of other people. Sometimes I will cry because Im such a freak. I sometimes even feel suicidal but won't even work. People think I'm exaggerating but they don't understand.
Self-injury,homesickness, and anger
- Thread starter sillyrabbit231
- Start date
Iluv
Well-known member
We need to be in an environment where we feel like we have control. I once was a very bad self harmer and I mean so bad to the point where I did not have an inch on my body without it being covered in cuts, burns and bruises. It get's worse, if you don't stop now it will harvest into an uncontrollable thing that gets so hard to stop. If you feel homesick move back home. It's key that we put ourselves in a place where we are comfortable and isn't causing this. What stopped me was I found the problem and I destroyed it. I got counselling and it sort of helped in the fact I began to realize that cutting doesn't make my time productive nor does it make me succeed in my emotional problems. That ten seconds you get from emotional relief are the most pointless thing. Please get help for these things because sometimes the root of the problem is so immense that we can't solve it ourselves.
Sillyrabbit231: Thanks for responding. I know I'm not the only one.
new account
Active member
It's sad that people have to treat you like that. I could tell you that you're worth more than how people are treating you, but you might feel too bad to believe me. Why don't you try to be friends with someone on this forum so they get to know you and they'll show you that you are a worthy person? Cutting yourself won't fix anything. You need someone to reassure you in order to give you the ability to feel a little bit better about yourself even though you have to deal with bad situations. I'll talk to you if you want. You can send me a message any time.
WeirdyMcGee
Well-known member
Well, I don't know much about self harm but I do understand homesickness; although I've never really felt I had a 'home'.
I could suggest watching movies you always liked when you lived in America- or buying imported foods from time to time.
Eventually, homesickness goes away.
You either have to find things you love in the Phillipines or go back to America and try again?
Nothing wrong with trying again and if you happen to need more help with your education; there are free tutoring programs or summer schools that you can apply to.
It's up to you what you do.
Either way, though- you need to put yourself into an atmosphere where you feel safe and some degree of control over your life.
I could suggest watching movies you always liked when you lived in America- or buying imported foods from time to time.
Eventually, homesickness goes away.
You either have to find things you love in the Phillipines or go back to America and try again?
Nothing wrong with trying again and if you happen to need more help with your education; there are free tutoring programs or summer schools that you can apply to.
It's up to you what you do.
Either way, though- you need to put yourself into an atmosphere where you feel safe and some degree of control over your life.