Self-harm - unwanted thoughts and images

[Saraswati]

I've been having these weird self-harm thoughts for about three months now and even though I started medication 2 months ago I doesn't seem it's helping me get rid of them. If anything, they seem to be more frequent.

I did self-harm a couple of times. Nothing serious up until now though. Just minor cuts on my arm.
I think the desire to do it is becoming more and more powerful with every passing day. As I said, I self-harmed a few times - when something really bad happened and I was at my worst. But now thoughts about self-harm are always there in the back of my mind.... Not only that they are more frequent (even when I am feeling okay I can get the urge), they are also becoming more violent.

Every day I think about punching into a wall, kicking into something until at least a bone or two break. I think about covering my entire arm with cuts. I see this images of me punching into a driving bus so hard that my arm would get twisted and that a bone would pierce through my skin. Or cut into my leg so hard it would fall off....

This images scare me a bit. I don't think I would be capable of doing those things nor do I have such a strong desire to do them. They are alsonot that vivid.
It's just that they are always there...
How do I know I won't do something like this if my condition gets worse?

Is this only due to my desire for self-harm getting stronger or could it be because of something else?
Does anyone have any experience with this?

 

[Amitush123]

I've been having these weird self-harm thoughts for about three months now and even though I started medication 2 months ago I doesn't seem it's helping me get rid of them. If anything, they seem to be more frequent.

I did self-harm a couple of times. Nothing serious up until now though. Just minor cuts on my arm.
I think the desire to do it is becoming more and more powerful with every passing day. As I said, I self-harmed a few times - when something really bad happened and I was at my worst. But now thoughts about self-harm are always there in the back of my mind.... Not only that they are more frequent (even when I am feeling okay I can get the urge), they are also becoming more violent.

Every day I think about punching into a wall, kicking into something until at least a bone or two break. I think about covering my entire arm with cuts. I see this images of me punching into a driving bus so hard that my arm would get twisted and that a bone would pierce through my skin. Or cut into my leg so hard it would fall off....

This images scare me a bit. I don't think I would be capable of doing those things nor do I have such a strong desire to do them. They are alsonot that vivid.
It's just that they are always there...
How do I know I won't do something like this if my condition gets worse?

Is this only due to my desire for self-harm getting stronger or could it be because of something else?
Does anyone have any experience with this?

Perhaps stress
When I was in a position I wanted to leave but could not, I punched the wall until I have cracked my wrist...

 

[Saraswati]

I am so sorry to hear that :/ Do you still do stuff like this?

I really hope it's not just stress because that would mean I will never get rid of it ><
Also, before my depression I would be under a lot of stress all the time because I worry so much about everything..... but I never had these thoughts and the urge to harm myself.

 

[doctor_who]

i'm a 21 year old female and I used to self harm at school, I started because I was overweight and so I would cut my belly and my arms but not deeply just enough to make myself hurt and bleed when I was upset and frustrated, i was also bullied at school and this just worsened it but i seeked no help for it (and told nobody and hid the cuts)because i thought it was nothing and also kinda woke up to how silly it was when my mum told me to stop hurting myself and got really upset about it. So i started cutting myself at the age of what like 15-17 and here i am still with the marks on my arms and on my belly from me being stupid, i have grown up and have dealt with my issues i am much more confident in myself and i am studying further education to better myself, i am in a loving relationship and life is pretty good but i will always have the ugly scars to remind me of a time i'd rather forget.

I am not saying it is stupid but for me it was as i was not depressed but it was a coping mechnanism for me and the issue of my self image and bullying which had an effect on my life. My advice to you would be to talk to someone you trust, get information from the doctor and seek help, don't cope with these thoughts and actions alone because trust me it will stay with you for a long time, you may get over why you cut yourself but the scars will still be there. I say don't do it, if you feel like cutting yourself do something else like scream or phone a friend and have a rant. I wish i had spoken to someone about it at school like a teacher or my friends but i just bottled it up inside until my mum noticed my cuts. When people say its for attention its not some people do it cause they have issues in their lives, please don't let these thoughts control you and please don't listen to those who say you are attention seeker because you are not and i understand ive been through the same thing and i am here to chat if you need. I may not give the best advice but i know what it is like to self harm.

 

[Duzmiu]

i get the same thoughts all the time, not just about harming myself either, hurting other people, killing myself or other people. if im at a crossing i have to stand at the front or quite far back as i think i may either jump out or just push some random person in-front of a car.
i have done self harm, i cut the top of my leg many times and it now has scar's there, ive even punched things to try break bones. i wouldn't be surprised if i do it again either.

the way i deal with it now is i punch my bed/cushion's if im angry/stressed and need to punch something, if im getting depressed/going to self harm i listen to music that helps me relax. i find they help me for now. so i suggest trying punching something softer, punch bag if you have one works wonders. find something that helps you relax and put your mind at ease when you need it

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

i get the same thoughts all the time, not just about harming myself either, hurting other people, killing myself or other people. if im at a crossing i have to stand at the front or quite far back as i think i may either jump out or just push some random person in-front of a car.
i have done self harm, i cut the top of my leg many times and it now has scar's there, ive even punched things to try break bones. i wouldn't be surprised if i do it again either.

the way i deal with it now is i punch my bed/cushion's if im angry/stressed and need to punch something, if im getting depressed/going to self harm i listen to music that helps me relax. i find they help me for now. so i suggest trying punching something softer, punch bag if you have one works wonders. find something that helps you relax and put your mind at ease when you need it

I have the same thoughts running in my mind...I think of harming myself in bad ways, but I also want to hurt others. I don't know why, but I get these thoughts, like I wish I could do it. And I actually do the same thing when I'm crossing the road or taking the subway. I'm afraid I can fall in or want to fall in...and attempt suicide for some reason...or just step in front of a car....it's pretty bad at times. I also used to cut but on my arm ...I started out slow and then went so deep I had to get it stitched...now it's this big ugly scar, and when I twist my arm the middle part of my scar sinks in....I still get urges....but I don't have my x-acto with me at home...long story...I wish punching pillows worked for me lol....music calms my violent urges, but enhances my depressed state..

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

I also like to see my scars...like I'm not ashamed of having them when I'm alone...I admire the way they look...like I'm marked as different...But I am very uncomfortable if ppl see them....like my scars are sacred or something....anyway...it's some weird ****...even I don't get it...And I know what you mean by being scared by these images...I've been having them for a few years...and they either intensify or stop coming to me so strongly...

 

[Saraswati]

I was also thinking of ways to help me relax and stop thinking about it.... Some of them work but only when the urge is not that strong. It comes back again after a while. I tried music and drawing. But I do usually just sit and try to convince myself I shouldn't do it.

Lou-s-Darkness - I know what you mean. I also am not ashamed of them when I look at them. When I last self-harmed I was looking at it all the time! Usually I don't have the need to do it if I have a cut that is still present and not fully healed so in a way it keeps me from doing it again.

I only felt the need to hurt other people when my dosage of Zoloft was apparently too high. When I started taking less that got better. If you're on medication maybe you should consider changing your medication or reducing the daily dosage?

Doctor Who - I am fully aware that this coping mechanism is not the way.... And I am really trying not to do it. I do talk about it, mostly with my boyfriend. It is hard to explain it to people that have never felt the urge though :/
My self-harm has not gone far and I would like to keep it that way. That is why these thoughts and images are something I do not wish to have.

 

[Duzmiu]

I wish punching pillows worked for me lol....music calms my violent urges, but enhances my depressed state..

yea pillows dont really work that well but it does help a little. i now use this big foam footstool thingey...its like a lighter version of a punchbag just square...works well at helping me get rid of some of my anger and stress.

as for music i think it depends what you listen to, i usually listen to chillstep then when i feel a bit better i change to dubstep or D'n'B. i find if i listen to to much chillstep it enhance's my depressed state aswell so by listening to enough to help me relax i then change to something a bit more lively, something that makes you want to sing or dance along

 

[Duzmiu]

I was also thinking of ways to help me relax and stop thinking about it.... Some of them work but only when the urge is not that strong. It comes back again after a while. I tried music and drawing. But I do usually just sit and try to convince myself I shouldn't do it.

only other things of i can think of is taking a walk, some place that's usually quiet i find is best. watching something like a feel good film or a comedy, if you watch anime, next time you feel down watch "Daily lives of highschool boys" its one of the funniest things ive watched and even thinking about it makes me giggle to myself, infact even if you don't watch anime still watch it.
another way ive found that sometimes helps is a game, specially the violent ones where you run around killing stuff...that helps with my anger. and if im feeling down, mario or sonic

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

I'm actually not on any type of medication...and I also never went to get diagnosed or treated...I'm still too afraid to fully open up about it...I know I have issues, but when you take that step to talk about it it's just like: omg...this is it...its for real....I'm really like that.....I need to see someone....cuz I get these urges and they just destroy me...I'm incredibly impulsive...need to learn how to control it....

Duzmiu, I usually listen to metal, symphonic metal, rock and screamo...all that dark **** basically....but sometimes when I really wanna get away I listen to house/dubstep/techno, and anything that falls under that category....it's like you're in a trance-like state when the bass just booms in ur ears...ah the feeling...i love it lol