Here is my story as i cant get it out of my head... I feel shame whenever i think about it.. When i was in school since 2nd grade and till 12th i have been always been harassed, bullied, annoyed & beaten up by many people in my school & my reputation has always been one of the schools pu***es.. I dont hate the fact that i got attacked but the fact that i never had the balls to fight back or defend myself.. Back in those times i found myself avoiding or hiding from these situations and i barely remember a time when i fought back.. I also used to avoid sports activities in school.. I lived with fear and confusion till my 2nd year in university & met people there that knew me from school, people that reminded me of the ones i faced in school or people that learned about me from school which made me feel weak and found if difficult for me difficult to answer back to verbal harassment or gaining control over my emotions... i believe as a man i shouldnt be like this especially that i got 2 younger sisters to look over, i refuse to raise a family in the future with such mentality stuck in my head... I have changed in my 3rd year at uni, gained friends and now am about to graduate but still have great fear in getting in situations similar to what i had in school cuz whenever i do nowadays i freeze with fear and confusion even if the person was just joking around... Most of the bullies i know i still see & they can notice the im still living in the past even though they forgot about it.. I know im wasting my time stuck in the past and that i can be the man i want to be but i still get confused when i get stuck in extreme situations. I find it easy to pick up girls and date even though i never did but i just couldn't find time and a person worth dating... Im short tempered which makes it easy for some people to harass me but the problem is that i start to get confused even though i could whoop their a$$es if i want to.. I learned boxing and exercise at home everyday and do it double whenever i feel down but i hope that all this is not in vain cuz i know its in the mind not the body... I got the looks to pick up girls and the looks to make guys think im tough enough but my behavior ruins it all.. I dont care about anything else in the world as long as i get over it especially that im living a life that other people can dream of but cannot enjoy it because of a bug in my head..