Nope,
This is the same thing that I've realised for some time. ...I look at it as, being highly strung and sensitive makes me tend to want to control to ward off losing control (anxiety).
I think that if you take care of the sensitivity part then the control freak part will work it self out. And I also have that avoidant part of me, where if I'm not comfortable, I don't bother with people.
It's interesting also, because at my last workplace, there was a really nasty, judgmental man there. At first, we got along like a house on fire; whilst with everybody else I was ultra quiet and withdrawn with; but his extroversion and friendliness allowed me to worry less and take the back seat. Then, slowly slowly, he started to find-out my unusual behaviour with others (withdrawn and anxious) and began to treat me with a great deal of contempt and disrespect.
Anyhow, the point of the story is that this individual was at first - and when he wanted to be - extremely warm, charismatic, and yet even when he showed his 'good face', he would still take complete contol of social situations. At first, this side "helped" me (and mirrored my relationship with my socially domineering sister) and then he turned on me and I wanted to not let him dominate so much. ....I think that this latter point was one that pissed him off: it was fine if I just let him take-over.
OK, I'm trailing off a bit. -What I mean to say is that: this socially domineering extrovert, although not a shy person, nonetheless was himself highly uncomfortable not dominating everybody. ...He would back-stab and be really critical and cruel regarding everybody else; and used this as a way of pitting others against a particular person. This was done to boost his sense of status.
And the only other thing I want to say, is that whilst a person can have controlling and even fearful, judgemental sides to their nature -it is still up to their free will as to whether they choose to take things out on others or to do their best to take responsibility for their own problems. ....Basically, it is what a person does with their faults and negatives. Since, this person would really be cruel towards me (also to anyone) -but I figure that this is because he denies that he has a dark side, and so focusses so much on everybody elses. ....And I figure that what defines a person as 'good' is their will and decision to own up and deal with their faults.
...I figure that it is what a person chooses in the moment that decides whether they make their bad points smaller or larger; and that those who want to hide their bad points, focus on those of others, and yet it is this that actually makes their faults big in the first place. ...that it is all up to what is done in the moment and how things are looked at.
So, I don't have a problem owning up to what parts of my self are like this judgmental, actually quite antisocial (even whilst he appeared highly sociable) person. I figure that owning up to having these negative aspects to my self makes them smaller until they disappear -but that he is the one that ends up being judgmental and antisocial, and overall, the negative personality.
Sounds like I am really hung-up about this; I am to a small extent. Yet it is important to how I look at my self and judge things.
...The rest of what I do, other than damage control, is to try to develop a calmer mind, with less thoughts whirling through it. And I also try a simple technique of focussing on smiling as a "weapon" in social situations that I would otherwise start worrying about (at least, that way I get my mind of the details and worrying it self).
