Thankyou Noca, the link was really good and I actually think I fit AvPD better than SA. Especially the fact that it's not limited to certain situations, it's a constant sense that covers everything involving other people.
I guess the question is when is it serious enough to be classified as a disorder? I fit the symptoms, no doubt there. I have one close friend but it's not a deep or meaningful relationship, I dont get along with the majority of my family, I avoid them because of their judgements of me, I avoid social interactions, I've just swapped to online uni because this semester has been so draining. I avoid other people, but because I take meds I'm not as depressed or anxious about it as I normally would be.
I have a counsellor that I've been with for a few years and she is the only person I speak openly with, but then I have to fight with myself to go to the next appointment each time because I'm obsessed with the thought that she dreads seeing me, not that she is ever anything other than accepting and kind, but I keep waiting for her to write me off, it's torturous. But at the same time, she's the only person I have, I look forward to seeing her and dread seeing her at the same time.
The problem is that I have ADHD so I can't tell if my symptoms are related to that or if it could be AvPD. I'm scared to ask my psychiatrist, he's a nice guy but I'm worried he'll think I'm a hypochondriac.
I had a really nasty bout of depression this year and I started Strattera which fixed that but I find that I live with a baseline of anxiety/anger. I don't feel other emotions like other people seem to. It's not that I'm constantly miserable, I'm not, I normally sit in a spot between the two where I'm ok but easily swayed either way. Even depression for me is not sadness, it's anger that's so deep I drown in it, anger at other people for being horrible and anger at myself for being crap.
My kids are 6 & 7, both with ADHD, it's a stressful house! But they're just at the age where they want to socialise and it's really hard, I dont want to have to deal with other parents and I dont want other people in my house, but I cant isolate my kids just because it's easier for me. It's horrible, I'm angry with them for pushing me to have to interact with other people.

to the whole thing.
Sorry for the rant