SA is worse around people i know then with strangers!

[Layla]

Hi all, I was chatting with my buddy at a bar this week, and we were talking about our SA. He has a very difficult time being around strangers and people he doesn't know very well, but he's totally comfortable around friends. I, on the other hand, have the opposite problem: Im fine around strangers cause i know logically that chances are, ill never see them again so i dont really care what they think of me. Its around my friends, the people that are close to me, that i become very nervous & self-concious. I guess its cause they really know me, so any hint of possible rejection from them would mean im truly unlikable. I dont know. Its so messed up! Im always worried about saying the wrong thing, looking dumb, etc. But its screwed up that im like this with my friends, right?!

Does anyone else have this issue!? I feel so weird!!!

 

[bashfulgirl]

I feel so much better around strangers in general, ones that I know I won't see again. Being ina situation where I have to see the same aquantances ea day, (ie my kids school) is awful tho. Each day I wait to pick up my son after school and all the Moms are waiting-sooo intimidating.
I don't want 2 of my old friends to know that I'm having such a hard time right now and to think less of me so I'm just not spending any time with them. When they invite me I say I'm busy. I fear if they see just how unbelievably insecure and nervous I am, they'll think so much less of me than they already do. I keep thinking some day I'll pop out of my shell. i wish someday would hurry up. :

 

[bashfulgirl]

I feel so much better around strangers in general, ones that I know I won't see again. Being ina situation where I have to see the same aquantances ea day, (ie my kids school) is awful tho. Each day I wait to pick up my son after school and all the Moms are waiting-sooo intimidating.
I don't want 2 of my old friends to know that I'm having such a hard time right now and to think less of me so I'm just not spending any time with them. When they invite me I say I'm busy. I fear if they see just how unbelievably insecure and nervous I am, they'll think so much less of me than they already do. I keep thinking some day I'll pop out of my shell. i wish someday would hurry up. :

 

[maude_lynn]

I have the exact same reaction. Strangers are fine, but acquaintances and people I see on a regular basis? So stressful.

Colleagues at work are the worst, because there's the social anxiety in addition to performance anxiety. It's oftentimes crippling.

 

[kaya1]

I find there is a point somewhere inbetween that makes me uncomfortable - that point where you kind of get to know them but you don't necessarily want to be friends. Like the guy who works at my corner shop, he recognises me because I go in their all the time, but I don't want to make small talk with him, but I'm sure he thinks I am the weird one "oh look it's the weird girl who never says anything" but he has to be polite because I am a customer.
And then I have to deal with the fact that I would love nothing more than to stab him in the eye with a pen when really he has done nothing more than say hello in a familiar voice and I have filled in all the other bits with my paranoia and I know that, but I feel like a bad person on top of being an inadequate person. And next time I need a loaf of bread or a carton of milk it is like HELLFIRE!

 

[kaya1]

And yes, work is the worst, because you would never actually have anything to do with these people otherwise, but there they are, with far too much eye shadow and lipstick bleeding onto their teeth, or some creepy moustache and a beer belly, looking over your shoulder, and/or at your tits AND judging your performance.
YUCK and EEWWWWWWWWWWW
Freaks

 

[pjam76]

for me

For me i don't have a problem walking up to strangers and saying hello and so on. But like others have said, work, local stores, and such become more than just "hello and a couple of words."

These people, who may not know you well, but know you enough can be a nightmare.. Because if you don't say anything they'll think your rude, but for me, i really don't know what to say.

A first response is easy, but the longer you sort of know somebody, the more things you'll need to talk about.

What I have a problem with is not introducing myself to strangers, but keeping the conversation going and then if i see or know that person the next day, next week, next month and see them on a somewhat normal basis, I just never have anything real to say.

How's your kids. How's work. How's business. So on and so forth just loses it's charm after about the 40th time.

 

[maude_lynn]

Yes, that's just it. I don't mean to seem rude or strange, but I just can't manage any sort of small talk for very long. And people often want to go out for drinks or to dine after work, and I hate being the only one not going, but I often don't, because it's all so stressful.

And I think I'm getting a reputation as being shy, odd, and downright difficult, and I'm worried it's going to become a problem (me, worry? Never! :roll: )

 

[Ddarko]

I have trouble around strangers, people I don't know well, or people with whom I feel like I won't ever get to know well (for various reasons). But with friends I'm fine. With family it's somewhere in between: not uncomfortable but not really comfortable either.

 

[thequietone]

It's harder around people I do know. Like Layla said, I feel uncomfortable getting too close and feel that when they know the real me they won't like it. This aspect of social anxiety is really more of an avoidance thing. It displays itself differently with each person, depending on tendency and past experience. So no. It's not weird, it's really very common.

 

[Layla]

aww thanks you guys! i feel much better. now off to attempt to socialize...uhhh im scared...!!!

 

[Richey]

yeah i find it alot easier around strangers then family or friends....in my environement i have parents who are constantly prejudice and always point out my issues in a negative way...i used to have a friend who wasnt prejudice and appreciated or respected if i didnt want to go somewhere so i didnt feel that element of guilt around him....but most of friends the more i get to know them the more difficult it is for me....because if you take one step back then it becomes awkward and actually relationships in general i find difficult to maintain.....but i literally dont talk to my parents anymore unless i need to because small talk and just trying to have a conversation usually ends up in a lecture directed at me...and this has been going on since forever because i have uptight parents, again im not comfortable around strangers but i find it easier to socialise with them yes

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

Wow i thought it was just me. At my job I see lots of customers all day long and have no problem meeting them. I constantaly go up to new customers who are total strangers just to meet them.

The problem starts when those customer start to return again because they then expect me to talk to them all the time. I can say hi easily; but after a few minutes into the conversation I find my self running out of things to say.

If i see someone I know; espically an old child hood clasemate I go into avoidance mode.

 

[Shyguest]

Hi,

This is something I've experienced for a long time. I feel a lot more easy with people are a little eccentric or who like to talk often and who make me feel at ease straight away.