SA and work - how do you do it?

MagicPotion

MagicPotion

Well-known member
Ok so I lost my job yesterday.

In my three and a half months there I've had seven days off sick. I told my boss I was 'ill' at first. Then yesterday I told him the real reason - I've been dry-heaving and puking with nerves sometimes. I had a blood test but it turns out it's psychosomatic.

When I got in yesterday I was hyperventilating for almost an hour and didn't actually start working until 10am. My hands and head went numb and I was a mess.

After I told him the truth I was sacked immediately.

My job was as a telephonist and I did ok, but the level of social interaction eventually made my old anxiety symptoms kick in again. This aways happens to me - depression or SA.

I can't afford not to work due to upcoming social security cuts in the UK.

If you work and have held down a job for a long time - what job do you do, and how do you deal with the social phobia? What jobs are there that have very little contact with people?

Thank you! :)
 
Section_31

Section_31

Well-known member
Hey Magic,

I didnt see any replies and thought id try, though i dont know if i'll be able to help much...

in my case, my S/A seems to be solely on my "personal" side. If youve read my other posts, ive talked alot about how ive always compartmentalized my life. Friends i had in school stayed at school. If i ran into them somewhere outside of school, where they "didnt belong" per se, i would have a bad anxiety attack. This same thing still happens to me today when i run into people from work.

Whats worked for me is i just never meet up with anyone outside of work, and never plan to. Its avoidance, and its unfortunate, and its also unfortunately been successful. I say its unfortunate because all it does is serves to isolate me further.

BUT, at the same time, the knowledge of KNOWING i wont run into anyone at least by plan, totally relieves my anxiety. And thus im a totally different person at work. no one here would have any idea i have S/A if they didnt run into me somewhere.

Its a very strange and very confusing situation on my end, but its at least enabled me to be able to function at work.

This probably doesnt help much but i thought i would try to relate.
 
mikebird

mikebird

Banned
Well i lose my job every three months, or more often. Been interviewing rabidly since March.

I'll never know if my failure is technical or social, because nobody tells me.

My migraine and epilepsy sound less nasty than your troubles, but it's all been eating into my career ever since about 2001. Recently, interviews do often give me serious panic attacks right at the moment when I can tell the person doesn't like me, and I get into a state where I can't think straight or communicate, and it's hard to keep upright, and I can't feel my left arm after that.

Embarrassing, but funny, and strange
 
CrzyDrmr

CrzyDrmr

Well-known member
SA and work...hmm...it's always hell at first. Meeting the new co-workers, going through the motions of the job, trying to learn, do a good job and not look too weird all at the same time can be nauseating...overwhelming at times. I remember at my last job, before going inside in the morning, just wanting so bad to turn the other way and go home rather than set myself up for another day of crap. And to boot, I HATE having people on my back and being told what to do.

So to answer your question, I would find a job as a cleaner. You know, the people that go into office buildings or banks after hours and vacuum, dust, mop, and whatever. I've had jobs like that before and you just pretty much do your own thing then go home. Simple and direct. Not much interaction with jerks you don't want any with. Try seeking employment in that area for sure.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
I'll be 47 years old this week. I've been employed since I was 18.

I've never thought i could NOT have a job - unless i were to be lucky enough to win the lottery or find a rich woman to keep me. Neither have happened, yet.

No one has ever provided me with the luxury of not working for a living after reaching adulthood.

The United States is still not quite as Socialist as much of Europe, apparently. Unless you're rich enough to not need a job, or poor enough to qualify for government assistance, the only other way to get out of work is to be disabled.

I've never remotely considered myself to suffer from any disabilities.

Yes, I've had a difficult time. I have suffered terrible bouts of nauseating fear on a daily basis. I have avoided performing the work asked of me, procrastinated, or otherwise performed poorly due to my anxiety - and then suffered even more anxiety about hiding the fact that i was doing things I should be doing. I have failed to live up to my potential many times in many positions. And I have suffered from depression for many years, mostly rooted in the dismal view I've taken of myself for being such a failure.

But i just kept trying to do better - because I had to. I had to if i wanted to eat, or buy stuff, support my family, pay mortgages, own a car, live in a building, wear clothes, etc.

I only recently learned about the whole social anxiety and AvPD thing - so I've just begun to piece together the reasons for some of the problems I've had in the past.

Learning about social anxiety has helped me to overcome many problems I've had in the past relating to people at work and in public - so that aspect has actually helped to improve my work life. However, it seems that my avoidance issues continue to cause me problems that I haven't resolved completely, and so still cause me some anxiety about my work performance, since I have a tendency to procrastinate and not deal with tasks in a timely fashion out of fear that I won't do them correctly.

Some days I truly envy the young people I encounter - 20 years old, going to school full time, no responsibilities, everything paid for by someone else, no cares, no worries

I've never had that, but I won't begrudge you if you do.

Just please consider that it's an amazing gift you're being given, and someone else is having to sacrifice to provide it for you.

Don't take it for granted.
 
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nothingtofear

nothingtofear

Well-known member
How do I do it? I don't! Going to try getting into the whole work thing again though, it's been a few years.

@MagicPotion: I worked on the phone doing outbound sales for 6 months. You know, those annoying aimless soliciting ones everyone hates (no offense if you're one of them, not everyone really hates them, you know what I mean though). I gotta say that's not very good work for someone with SA. I handled it surprisingly well but I hated it and I'm amazed I lasted as long as I did. I took way too much time off too. Although the calls were stressful and very much so at first, if I were doing that from home I think I'd have been able to keep it up to this day. Chatty, gossipy and "normal" co-workers all around me all day were much harder to interact with (and be seen by) than it was talking to random people on the phone all day.

I hope I can find a job were I'm alone most of the day! That would be sweet.
 
MagicPotion

MagicPotion

Well-known member
I was pleased to see this actually got some replies...

Thanks for trying.

Sorry I'm a benefit scrounger. Like I asked to get fired from every job. How about I refuse the social security?

I'm trying my hardest, I'll just stop talking about work.
 
MagicPotion

MagicPotion

Well-known member
You know what - I don't mean to be unduly unkind but I am not having this. There are people in my neighbourhood - most of them! - who have not worked a day in their life, I go into Longisght job centre and I hear people scheming about how they can AVOID work!

I've tried and tried and puked and been bullied and had panic attacks and burned and cut my arms up every day until they went septic, and I never, once, quit I got SACKED EACH TIME.

HOW CAN I WORK IF THEY WON'T LET ME! Yes I'd be on the street if I was in the US but it's not my fault your country doesn't take care of its own!

IT's alright if you can keep a job for 30 years but if they won't let me work and keep on sacking me then what can I do!

Seriously thanks for your suggestions but yes, maybe I shouldn't be on here being lectured by you lot and I should be looking for a job, or volunteering, good point.
 
MagicPotion

MagicPotion

Well-known member
^No. No obviously not :rolleyes:

Look sorry for the angry response but I find a lot of what's been said here personally insulting, as well as deliberately aimed to provoke a response. I don't think that is on at all. This is a support forum. I shouldn't have gone off on one though and I'm sorry for the bad impression I've given of myself. I should be better than that.

Also - you do have welfare in America, I remember seeing it on telly now. On Secret Millionare. People on it were living in flats and everything. So what are you on about? :rolleyes:

This is a touchy subject for me. Look, I'm going to quit this site and I won't come back until I've got a job interview, at least. Wasting time on here and getting wound up isn't doing me or anybody any favours. I'll come back when things are looking better and I'm able to post without blowing up in people's faces.
 
Richey

Richey

Well-known member
make sure you are doing something that really gives you meaning, whether its a job you enjoy or the purpose behind it motivates you enough to want to turn up on the door step in the first place. That is very important.

Secondly if you are going to work in an office with other people then it is really hard because the politics is very obvious and because its about business it can be very difficult to "give a crap" especially if you are more interested in the craft or the creativity of a job role. You will find that often that its more about business, meetings and building relationships with fellow colleagues is more important then the actual work itself. Now this is challenging especially if you don't rate yourself as much of a conversationalist or talker. But most will tell you that succeed in office environments that its the relationships and the communication that is far more important then just putting your head down and working and avoiding everything UNLESS you are a wizard at something in which case people will just love you for being the problem solver. Why is relationships more important then most other aspects? If you need assistance then people are more likely to jump at the chance at helping you if you know each those people, you are also more likely to be thought of in terms of promotion if staff not only know you but find you have a great sense of humour.

This is why outgoing people succeed more so then quiet people.

^^^ All of this is the most apparent in office environments or in an environment where there is an obvious team element to you're job.

Personally the best jobs are with a team of 2-3-4 people where it feels like a family. in jobs where there are 20+ then it feels like high school a bit and can be very difficult.

My advice is to just speak to people even if you are very awkward. get the experience out of the way even if it makes you feel ill because there are a million other businesses out there that don't know that you are shy or awkward so why not use a few businesses as a test to get that much needed social experience. Again, easier said then done. Because at the end of your term at least you may be far more improved at building relationships then before.

I would say that a vast majority of shy or socially avoidant people do not get promoted much nor are they thought about much by other workers as much as those who at least try. Its a harsh reality but its the truth you'll find.
 
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mikebird

mikebird

Banned
The toughest question in interview is:

Do you like being part of a team or working by yourself.

Of course, I like doing everything myself, but if I don't answer exactly what they want to hear, because otherwise my career would be over. And it is.

I'd like to answer by saying 'no team! I can do it'!

I try to give random answers about a bit of both, or just anything I can think of to please them, and I immediately see a long face.

That's why I'm a failure
 
Richey

Richey

Well-known member
ITs still great experience to work in a big business though, it helps with adapting but its not easy.
 
kilojoule

kilojoule

1
well Im pretty uninformed after reading this. I was hoping to get some coping tools. haha oh dear

@magicpotion

I don't work. My job was made redundant a few months back. They offered me to interview for promotion which involved regular travel and I really thought it over. I talked to my doctor and declined. I have an illness which has become more and more difficult to control. My trigger for an attack is stress. I had been attending the A&E at least once a month min. with the onset of anaphylaxis. Cant avoid stress and Yup its kind of hard to avoid with agoraphobia. Im on illness benefit and I won't apololgise for it. Giving up work has actually reduced my appearances in a&e its only been maybe 5 months but still Ive had 2 visits instead of 7.Ive worked since I was 16 Im only 26 now but it is necessary for me. It was my doctor who suggested the break I didnt even know I could do that. Ive always kept my head down and avoided too much success because I dont like people watching me. Im actually prett sure that my issues may be responsible for the onset of my illness in fact. I absolutely do not think there is anything wrong with ppl not workibg with this. Its awful to suffer so much daily. The only thing I would say is that being confined as much as I am for my illness has made my agorophobia worse and since I stopped leaving the house for work it gets harder and harder to face the world. I want to once Ive got my condition controlled start something maybe go back to school but the idea totally terrifies me.



big hugs
 
kilojoule

kilojoule

1
oh and @magicpotion I wouldn't apologise for that at all. It was an intelligent response to the tone. I completely agree with what youve said. This is the one place you shouldn't have to defend yourself. And you are right there is so much benefit fraud out there. Not working with SA does not make you a fraudster. Youve worked and paid your taxes this is why you pay them. Im sorry Ive fit this into three messages all spelling mistakes Im replying via phone
 
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