Running into people I know
- Thread starter Angie_05
- Start date
Ares
Member
Hi yea me 2........and i acutally posted somehting about that b4 2...if someone WILL ONLY READ..lol jk. Aight the thing i tried before is
1) Imagine the other person as someone u really know well and u can act anyway you want even stupid, and the other person wont mind, casue you know him or her already, and they know how u normally act. So this puts away some of the preasure to act cool or likeable or wutever.
2) this other thing, i talked about before, think like this, we often try to think of things to say or wutever to make a good impression on the other person. But think like this, why do I have to act or say anythign to make an impression on the other person. It is as much the other person's job to impress me as I am to impress then, we r equals. If you are saying anything, think of it as you are showing off your good personality for your own sake, rather than saying it to have some sort of affect on teh other person, like trying to impress them. Dont say it to expect some good response from the other person, say it because you know deep in ur heart that wut u say if funny or coo or wutever.
3) Another thing you can try is that often you are scared that the other person wont like you or wutever because if you say soemthing stupid or lack of convo. Think like this, i dont give a shit if u dont like me, and i will think this way no matter how i act. This will lighten up your attitude and keep ur attitude away from how you act and what you say to the other person, and will make you more at ease.
Try these may work for some....sometimes works for me.
1) Imagine the other person as someone u really know well and u can act anyway you want even stupid, and the other person wont mind, casue you know him or her already, and they know how u normally act. So this puts away some of the preasure to act cool or likeable or wutever.
2) this other thing, i talked about before, think like this, we often try to think of things to say or wutever to make a good impression on the other person. But think like this, why do I have to act or say anythign to make an impression on the other person. It is as much the other person's job to impress me as I am to impress then, we r equals. If you are saying anything, think of it as you are showing off your good personality for your own sake, rather than saying it to have some sort of affect on teh other person, like trying to impress them. Dont say it to expect some good response from the other person, say it because you know deep in ur heart that wut u say if funny or coo or wutever.
3) Another thing you can try is that often you are scared that the other person wont like you or wutever because if you say soemthing stupid or lack of convo. Think like this, i dont give a shit if u dont like me, and i will think this way no matter how i act. This will lighten up your attitude and keep ur attitude away from how you act and what you say to the other person, and will make you more at ease.
Try these may work for some....sometimes works for me.
Ares
Member
oh shit i forgot, i got more, yea i analyze this stuff alot, liek what make us scared and stuff, and try to come up w/ ways to counter.
4) Another thing, we often go into convo thinking premeditately that the other person isn't going to like us or wutever after we talk. NOw to think in reverse, think this way. "I have a awesome personlity that other people love, and when other people is going to talk to me, they will like me, and if they dont, its just 1 person and he is a fluke of nature."
4) Another thing, we often go into convo thinking premeditately that the other person isn't going to like us or wutever after we talk. NOw to think in reverse, think this way. "I have a awesome personlity that other people love, and when other people is going to talk to me, they will like me, and if they dont, its just 1 person and he is a fluke of nature."
Ares
Member
oh shit i got 1 more, sorry this shit just keep coming outa my ass when i write. Hmm ok I think we often go into those convos with people we sort know really scared becasue we are often scared of having nothing to say during the middle of the convo, and the silence will be awkward, and that will make them feel awkward and they wil think ur werid, because of the silence. OK the truth is the silence is often OK. People dont feel werided out or awkward beucase there is silence, they do it because you are acting nervous. Haven't you seen those movies where 2 people, usualyl a guy and a girl r just staring into each other's eyes with nothign to say, but acting completely comfortable. So the key is when there is silence imaaigne that this is completely comfortable, and you feel very comfortable with the person. and to try this, walk up to a person you know next time, and just say hi and wutever, and when he stops talking, dont say anything, and just smile, and imagine that situation to be really comforable. Trust me, he wont be werided out. If he detects that you feel comfortable, he or she will also be like that, and hence continues teh circle of comfortableness, and hence no one gets screwed. I tried this w/ my neighbour a couple days ago. Then after that, just be like hey i gota go, and it was really nice seeing you, i hope i bump into u aagain sometimes, take care or soemthing ( u dont wanna do the sielnce for toooo long). AND PEOPLE STOP CRYING OVER THIS SA STUFF, i mean its ok to all share depressign moments of SA failure, but the only way we can beat it is to try ways to restructure our thoughts, and understand why we truly fear these situations. ONly after we know why we r scared, and we think of ways to counter such fears, so next time when you go out, try to detect wut u fear, and think the exact oppsoite way.
redlady
Well-known member
I avoid pretty much everyone i know that i see when i'm out too. I have even avoided my sister and her friends that i know and actually like. Aunts... whoever. I just couldn't be bothered with the small chit chat etiquitte. Sometimes it has even been sort of involuntary - my body will move away from that person, i can't explain it....but sometimes i don't feel like i am in control.
I try to avoid if I can. If I can't, I'll juz go over & say 'hi'. Many a times, I've seen people I recognise & I know they recognise me but they choose to pretend to not see me! even though I was ok at smiling at them. When this happens, I brood over it, wondering why the person didn't say 'hi'. Maybe its because 'they don't like me', thats what I usually think...
kiwi
Well-known member
Angie_05 said:
I tend to do this as well, even with people I like! I guess I would like to say hi to them but not have to follow through with the whole 'Well what have you been up to' conversation, where I find I run out of things to say very quickly.
The worst times are when I actually make eye contact with the person and then pretend I didn't see them! This only tends to happen with people who I haven't seen in a long long time. In fact it happened a few weeks ago at a shopping mall, I was walking along and as I was skimming the faces I came across a familar face - I realised it was my cousin who I hadn't seen in over 10 years, but by the time I realised who she was, I'd kept walking and pretended like I didn't recognise her!
Looking back, if I could do it again I would definitely look back and say hi properly, but my problem is it all happens so quickly and you have to decide how to react in a second.
My advice would be (and I'll try to take this myself!) to decide that you will always approach someone you know when you see them somewhere, if only to say a brief hi, and then make an excuse to say you're running late for something. That way you don't appear snobbish but you don't have to maintain a conversation for very long.
kiwi
Well-known member
Tim001 said:I phych myself out because I feel I have to have the perfect conversation. Interesting opener, lively topics and a great closer. A lot of pressure for an SA'er.
Yeah the closing is something I always find hard. Sometimes it works out okay and it all ends smoothly, but other times it just feels like I can't say the actual goodbye very 'cleanly' and it feels a bit awkward.
Also hard is wracking my brain to find some stuff to talk about with this person who I haven't seen in ages. I try to get the other person talking but eventually I have to say what I've been doing all these years, and it's hard to say 'nothing much' in more than a few words!
Ah well, on the plus side you don't tend to see these people again for a long time, if ever!
PhantomPod
Well-known member
You could just look them in the eye and smile or nod your head towards them, like to acknowledge their presence. That's mostly what I do (if there's no escape and I can't avoid them all together lol). People will usually just do the same in return or stop and start a little small talk with you.
Chilling__Echo
Well-known member
yeah, i deffinately do this too. avoid people if i see them in public. but if they sneak up behind me or something i go so red with shock. argh!
especially if they are someone i haven't seen in a really long time...
i don't know why it bothers me... anyone else?
especially if they are someone i haven't seen in a really long time...
i don't know why it bothers me... anyone else?
Okay.. I know I put this topic out there, but lately people have been avoiding ME. One of my cousins goes to my college (university) and she will walk right by me and not even look. We are literally inches away from each other. I tried to smile at her. I felt kinda dumb cuz she didn't do it back. I guess what goes around comes around. It kinda hurts my feelings