When I am out, say at a grocery store, and I see someone I kinda know I tend to act like I didn't see them so I don't have to talk to them. This can be an aunt, old friend, person from school. I wish I didn't do this though because I'm worried these people catch on to what I'm doing. The reason I avoid them is because it's so awkward and I don't know what to say. Any advice on how to approach people or be less snobbish?
Running into people I know
- Thread starter Angie_05
- Start date
r0ck0ut04
Well-known member
From what I learned the best thing to do is to put yourself in those types of situations. You start to notice its not as bad it seems. Its kind of like exposure therapy you put yourself in those scary situations and make yourself stick through it. After a while you notice its just a scary feeling. I get shaky and tremble really bad i just tell people im a hyper person and thats it, well thats what ive been learning through my own experiences. Its kind of like learning to swim you just gotta jump in and keep yourself floating it does get easier the more yo do it. 
Meatwad
Well-known member
I do the same thing. It is too awkward. I wish I could just say hi, but I always feel like you have to say more then hi. Its not like I ever want to talk to them, but i feel stupid when I dont say anything. For example, last week I saw a girl I talked to in high school several years ago, and I knew she saw me and she saw me look at her, but i look away real quick. And I know she knows that I saw her and recognize her. So embarassing
Ahmed
Well-known member
moog said:
I just want to tell you that i do the same thing alot. This started when i was in college, and is still with me till now. I get afraid i wont find anything to talk about or say. Maybe confidence has to do a part in this too. I have lots of other bad habbits. The one you mentioned is only one of them. I tend most of the times to not answer the phone. I rarely talk to my friends unless i know i have something to say to them. I sometimes recite to myself what i will say before i talk to them.
I can relate to everyone's posts. It's good to hear that there are other people out there like me. I was hoping someone who had overcome this would come along also and lend us some advice.
I think I'm going to try smiling and waving, but only if I know the person truly knows me. I won't say/do anything if it's like a friend from 5-10 years ago.
I think I'm going to try smiling and waving, but only if I know the person truly knows me. I won't say/do anything if it's like a friend from 5-10 years ago.
dizzydolly
Member
Yeah , I know what you mean , Id rather avoid talking to people if I can, unless I know them really well , its not that I dont want to see them its just I cant bear those embarrassing silences that often happen.
Angie_05....i know just how you feel!! Where i work, before we take our breaks, we have to go out into the dining room and clear up and clean all of the tables...it is one of my worst fears, cause it never fails....there is either someone i know, some old friend of my parents 8O , some customer who wants to chat :x , and i totally try to avoid eye contact and just quickly clear tables! I think others must think i am a total snob, but i just don't want to have to make small talk, especially in front of others...it's so uncomfortable for me :roll:
mrblack
Member
The only time this becomes an extreme problem to me is if in the past I had had some really awkward moment or conversation (you know where you get all shuddery, and stuttery, and your body language is zero) in the past with the person. These past encounters haunt me. However I am learning to not repeat what has not worked in the past.
I look forward to trying to meet new people, but am worried that I will turn into my old self in front of an old aquaintence I may have had an awkard moment or moments with in the past.
I look forward to trying to meet new people, but am worried that I will turn into my old self in front of an old aquaintence I may have had an awkard moment or moments with in the past.
nicola_maire
Well-known member
do i only know your situation so well...lol,
i know exactly 100% how u lot feel, ive been doin cognitive behaveral theropy for about 3 months, alot of it has helped, but alot of it ive had to do myslef, im 16 nearly 17. like most school leavers i was really nervous about stating my fist job, so much so that i didnt talk to anyone for days, and then before i knew it months. i just avoided all things which i knew would mean conversation starting. my biggest fear? the staff room. i was so scared in there that if kelly(a gal i spoke to abit) was on the other end of the staff room, and there was people inbetween i wouldnt talk to her coz it would go through the other people first, eventually, even tho i would shake when i was in their, i would find any excuse to face it ie making cups of tea for clients (hairdressers) before i knew it i was semi ok witht e whole thing. i used to really get my self down about trying to be the one with the conversation and going no where with, if i was on break with someone for 15 minutes, my mission would be to talk for the whole 15 minutes, now i think jesus nicola what r u like! but at the time it was so stressfull! till one day i done an expiremnt, i thought ok im not gonna say anything, then see if she says anything, to my suprise she didnt say a word, which goes to show you that it the quality of what you say, not the quantity, if you dont wanna talk,dont. if you dont wanna talk to the person u know in the shop, just say 'u alright' smile, and act like your just doing what your doing. i know its hard becasue we social phobiacs tend to be mind readers an asume what people think about us, and thin they'll judge us for things we might do, but the truth is they're actualy thinking about shit, like we do. but if you try and think about anything apart from what ur saying, and what the other person thinks about what your saying, you'll find you'll do a better job becasue its comming out natrallly, and you no so stressed. also try some affirmations. twice a day. find posatives about your self and the owrld around you for example 'im a kind person, and other people are kind' try doinf quite a few of em, they will eventualy slip into your subconcious, and eventualy your concious mind will think them too. when you feel negatives comming up, just say no becuase im *insert you personal posatives here* so this negative is no use anymore, becasue it not true!.
man do i ramble, anyways hope this helped
nicola x
i know exactly 100% how u lot feel, ive been doin cognitive behaveral theropy for about 3 months, alot of it has helped, but alot of it ive had to do myslef, im 16 nearly 17. like most school leavers i was really nervous about stating my fist job, so much so that i didnt talk to anyone for days, and then before i knew it months. i just avoided all things which i knew would mean conversation starting. my biggest fear? the staff room. i was so scared in there that if kelly(a gal i spoke to abit) was on the other end of the staff room, and there was people inbetween i wouldnt talk to her coz it would go through the other people first, eventually, even tho i would shake when i was in their, i would find any excuse to face it ie making cups of tea for clients (hairdressers) before i knew it i was semi ok witht e whole thing. i used to really get my self down about trying to be the one with the conversation and going no where with, if i was on break with someone for 15 minutes, my mission would be to talk for the whole 15 minutes, now i think jesus nicola what r u like! but at the time it was so stressfull! till one day i done an expiremnt, i thought ok im not gonna say anything, then see if she says anything, to my suprise she didnt say a word, which goes to show you that it the quality of what you say, not the quantity, if you dont wanna talk,dont. if you dont wanna talk to the person u know in the shop, just say 'u alright' smile, and act like your just doing what your doing. i know its hard becasue we social phobiacs tend to be mind readers an asume what people think about us, and thin they'll judge us for things we might do, but the truth is they're actualy thinking about shit, like we do. but if you try and think about anything apart from what ur saying, and what the other person thinks about what your saying, you'll find you'll do a better job becasue its comming out natrallly, and you no so stressed. also try some affirmations. twice a day. find posatives about your self and the owrld around you for example 'im a kind person, and other people are kind' try doinf quite a few of em, they will eventualy slip into your subconcious, and eventualy your concious mind will think them too. when you feel negatives comming up, just say no becuase im *insert you personal posatives here* so this negative is no use anymore, becasue it not true!.
man do i ramble, anyways hope this helped
nicola x
lostindarkness
Member
I act like that too!!! I look the other way as soon as I see them and hope that they either do not see me or decide to not talk to me. I become so paranoid and nervous when I see people that I know places. I am even scared just to say hello to some one, just because I might sound funny when I say it. I also walk faster in order to avoid people. I probably seem like such a rude person but I cannot help it. I just hate interacting with people because I am afraid.
Re: do i only know your situation so well...lol,
Thanks Nicola! You addressed the deeper aspect of avoiding people which is the negative thoughts. Even deeper is the lack of confidence I have in myself, and you did give me some suggestions for that too. I will try that. I have been telling myself for a long time that I need to start thinking positively. I put it off because I'm not sure how. You gave me some easy steps to follow. I appreciate that!
nicola_maire said:
Thanks Nicola! You addressed the deeper aspect of avoiding people which is the negative thoughts. Even deeper is the lack of confidence I have in myself, and you did give me some suggestions for that too. I will try that. I have been telling myself for a long time that I need to start thinking positively. I put it off because I'm not sure how. You gave me some easy steps to follow. I appreciate that!
Maybe we should all make a commitment to try something different. I'm going to commit to not avoid people that I see when I go out. But instead of feeling like I need to start a conversation, I will simply smile at them and give eye contact (scary...I know) and then see where it goes from there. I think this will ease the situation. Everyone likes a smile and it keeps me from having to speak to them, but I'm not being snobby at the same time.
Meatwad
Well-known member
Intimidation...that's how I feel when I see the people who were "popular". I am an adult now (21) and I wish I could just get over it.[/quote]
I am 22, and when that happened, I felt like I was 13 again. I shouldnt feel so intimidated by teenagers, but I can't help it. I feel that they are judgemental, etc. and so I know that they are probably judging me negatively about the way I'm acting, what I;m saying, wearing, etc.
I am 22, and when that happened, I felt like I was 13 again. I shouldnt feel so intimidated by teenagers, but I can't help it. I feel that they are judgemental, etc. and so I know that they are probably judging me negatively about the way I'm acting, what I;m saying, wearing, etc.
robo
Member
I have the same problems, the more I respect and like a person the harder it is to talk to them. And when I have to talk to them I do so bad that they give me that same old look of confusion, not knowing what to think of me. But they usually take offense to how I act and avoid talking to me from then on. I'm getting better though, I take inderall which helps with nerves, and I also take colostrum which helps with my SA. I've come a long ways but I still have ways to go. I think the best thing you can do is research as many herbs and medicines as you can, try them all out except for the antidepressants. And figure out the best combination for you through trial and error.