Hello just after a bit of advice or the sharing of similar woes.
Over the last few years my emotions towards women have begun to seriously worry me.
First off just a bit of background, for most of my life I was too anxious to talk to women or anyone for that matter due to my anxieties in social situations. I considered myself very introverted and the thought of having a girlfriend seemed far too tiresome/scary and not worth the effort back then.
In recent years though I have managed a significant step forward in controlling my anxiety and have been 95% cured: I believe. I now only rarely get nervous in social situations.
I can now talk to women and hold a conversation and actually have close female friends who would consider me a friend as well
The problem is though whenever I get friendly with a girl and I think there is some mutual attraction there I get very attached very quickly. I get this obsession with that person and try to do anything I can to make them like me back. I can literally think of little else even when at work other than trying to woo this person day in and day out. I will analyse all my sent text messages and previous conversations and stress about it all the time.
I get very jealous if that person talks to other males, I find myself checking that persons facebook updates etc or snapchats to see what they are upto. For the record though I am conscious of the fact that Im being obsessive, I have never and would never physically stalk someone or force them into anything its not in my nature, I have always considered myself empathetic and a good person and so I always just end up backing down if I realise the other person doesn't feel the same and end up stressing or getting depressed about the situation. It seems to be happening a lot more recently.
One of the weird things for me is its not a sexual thing. Some people for bravado reasons maybe want to sleep with as many people as they can.
Though I do enjoy sex I get much more gratification from the fact that a woman likes me and desires me back and is interested in talking to me. I guess in the past I Just thought I had no chance but now I think I have some hope.
In my recovery from sa I have discovered that I am 50/50 on the introversion scale. I like so******ing now but I sometimes get exhausted and need my alone time so I don't even know if I really want a relationship or not I just seem to enjoy the feeling of being wanted for company or being desired more. If I can sit at home alone listening to my music knowing there is a girl I like texting me I am happy. Is that really weird?
I have just recently ended a 6 month relationship with a girl I met on a dating website. Not long into the relationship I realised after the initial stages had passed I didn't have strong feelings anymore for her however she did for me. She wanted to meet up all the time and for us to be closer however I would have been much more comfortable with meeting once-twice a week. I felt I needed more time alone (to recover) but she didn't want that.
After awhile I started having feelings for a female work colleague. I got obsessed quickly and was egged on by the fact that another colleague said she might be interested in me. I ended the relationship with my girlfriend so I could pursue this romance.
Turns out this work colleague just considered me a friend which hurt a lot but I recovered from it and I am now dating someone else I met online. I really like them and we seem to be getting on great but im worried that I am going to get attached again too quickly and end up getting hurt or I am going to end up in a relationship and eventually get tired of the situation and need my space again and then I will feel terrible if I hurt this person just like I felt terrible for ending things with my last girlfriend.
Do you think this is maybe a lasting scar that social anxiety has left for me? this need to be liked and desired after years of being shunned or do you think this is maybe a form of obsessive compulsive disorder, I have never been diagnosed or discussed it before but I know a lot of people here experience OCD.
Over the last few years my emotions towards women have begun to seriously worry me.
First off just a bit of background, for most of my life I was too anxious to talk to women or anyone for that matter due to my anxieties in social situations. I considered myself very introverted and the thought of having a girlfriend seemed far too tiresome/scary and not worth the effort back then.
In recent years though I have managed a significant step forward in controlling my anxiety and have been 95% cured: I believe. I now only rarely get nervous in social situations.
I can now talk to women and hold a conversation and actually have close female friends who would consider me a friend as well
The problem is though whenever I get friendly with a girl and I think there is some mutual attraction there I get very attached very quickly. I get this obsession with that person and try to do anything I can to make them like me back. I can literally think of little else even when at work other than trying to woo this person day in and day out. I will analyse all my sent text messages and previous conversations and stress about it all the time.
I get very jealous if that person talks to other males, I find myself checking that persons facebook updates etc or snapchats to see what they are upto. For the record though I am conscious of the fact that Im being obsessive, I have never and would never physically stalk someone or force them into anything its not in my nature, I have always considered myself empathetic and a good person and so I always just end up backing down if I realise the other person doesn't feel the same and end up stressing or getting depressed about the situation. It seems to be happening a lot more recently.
One of the weird things for me is its not a sexual thing. Some people for bravado reasons maybe want to sleep with as many people as they can.
Though I do enjoy sex I get much more gratification from the fact that a woman likes me and desires me back and is interested in talking to me. I guess in the past I Just thought I had no chance but now I think I have some hope.
In my recovery from sa I have discovered that I am 50/50 on the introversion scale. I like so******ing now but I sometimes get exhausted and need my alone time so I don't even know if I really want a relationship or not I just seem to enjoy the feeling of being wanted for company or being desired more. If I can sit at home alone listening to my music knowing there is a girl I like texting me I am happy. Is that really weird?
I have just recently ended a 6 month relationship with a girl I met on a dating website. Not long into the relationship I realised after the initial stages had passed I didn't have strong feelings anymore for her however she did for me. She wanted to meet up all the time and for us to be closer however I would have been much more comfortable with meeting once-twice a week. I felt I needed more time alone (to recover) but she didn't want that.
After awhile I started having feelings for a female work colleague. I got obsessed quickly and was egged on by the fact that another colleague said she might be interested in me. I ended the relationship with my girlfriend so I could pursue this romance.
Turns out this work colleague just considered me a friend which hurt a lot but I recovered from it and I am now dating someone else I met online. I really like them and we seem to be getting on great but im worried that I am going to get attached again too quickly and end up getting hurt or I am going to end up in a relationship and eventually get tired of the situation and need my space again and then I will feel terrible if I hurt this person just like I felt terrible for ending things with my last girlfriend.
Do you think this is maybe a lasting scar that social anxiety has left for me? this need to be liked and desired after years of being shunned or do you think this is maybe a form of obsessive compulsive disorder, I have never been diagnosed or discussed it before but I know a lot of people here experience OCD.