Relationship is being affected by my SA

[Uglyduckling]

lately I had to take a break from my relationship. I just felt like taking care of me was enough.

Though I took a break, I wanted him to say that he wanted to spend time with me, that he didn't want to take a break. :roll: He said that he missed me so much that week.

I think extremely negative thoughts about myself. that I believe to be all true. I'm slow at work (I stay late and do not get paid for it) I'm not pretty. (I have eczema, it absolutely affects the way I feel about myself) I use so much of my energy not looking at people and never looking in the mirror at myself.

I guess I've become dependent and want to spend alot of time with my bf though he doesn't want to spend the amount of time that I want to spend with him. He makes other plans (I know that this would be normal in any type of relationship). I guess it's so hurtful because he fails to tell me until the end of the day. I can't spend time with you because I made plans to go to the movies with my other friend. I cried about it yesterday and was feeling very hurt. We only see eachother 3 times a week.

He said that he needs time to himself. I guess every person needs this.

I did join the gym and really try to fill my time up with that. Otherwise, I try to avoid going places unless I have to go. (The Fight or Flight Response) eg. My mom needed cough drops so I had to go to the store today, I'm hungry so I have to go grocery shopping, I'm running out of gas so I have to go to the service station

I always procrastinate too, leaving things until the last minute so that they just stress me out. I'm not sure why I do this.

Plus, I lose things all the time, like my keys or my bank card. (My ex used to get mad at me when I lost these things) not this bf, but I tend to get frustrated with myself when this happens.

Plus, I stay up til like 4am so that it affects my concentration and productivity at work. :?

I have no friends besides my bf, I really need to make my life better so that I can be a happier person. I want to be happy.

I hate my job, I hate this city, I don't know what I want to go back to school for, plus I can't save any money, I'm just living from paycheck to paycheck, argh!

 

[Angie_05]

I know how you feel. My SA effects my relationship also. I asked my bf the other day if he "liked me". It might seem like a dumb question since we live together and he's already said he wants to marry me soon. But he spends a lot of time outside working on his car or working on his business and I sit in the house for hours waiting on him. He got very angry over what I asked him and said I have major issues with self-esteem. And he's right, I do. Anytime I say something negative, I get no response. If I say something positive about myself, he quickly agrees and seems more happy to be around me.

SA DOES affect our relationships. If we think the rest of the world is judging us, we probably think the same about our boyfriends. And to someone like us who has few friends, that one person's opinion of us means everything in our lives. This is something that I wish I could get over. My bf's opinion of me matters more than my own and I'm not sure how I ended up this way. I know I don't need him for social validation. I used to have guys hitting on me a lot, but like you, I have become dependent also.

You did the right thing by taking a break. Here is the truth: we will never be happy with our relationships if we aren't happy with ourselves. If you hate yourself, you will think your boyfriend hates you too. If your boyfriend isn't giving you the attention you want, you might need to evaluate the reason for that. Maybe it's because he likes his friends and needs to be around them (although in a relationship it's a good idea to have your girlfriend come along sometimes). If he never invites you out, you should rethink your relationship. Second, maybe he is pulling away from you because it's not always pleasant to be around you, if you are always down on yourself around him.

If it's causing you more pain than it's worth to be with him, you might consider taking a permanent break and working on yourself.

 

[Remus]

you girls just hit the nail on the head why I fail at relationships, I'm really trying hard not to hate myself this time round and be a proper BF

that and the fact I constantly worry my partner will go off me coz I'm crap

 

[nerdgirl178]

I totally agree. I am 23 and never had a BF is that sad or what??? Well I dated guys but never had an official boyfriend, I am dating someone now and I know that my SA is affecting our relationship. Can people with SA have healthy relationship? The guy that I am dating is a DJ at clubs and extremely social and I am just so boring! That is so not cool.

 

[kattness]

woah thats weird..... i just started a 3 week break from my bf.
the fact that i hate myself so much is getting in the way, i also always ask him if he likes me....im so surprised he puts up with me :?

 

[black_mamba]

Uglyduckling your current relationship sounds like mine up until yesterday.

I too feel low about myself, don't like being social with my boyfriend, am always negative and critisise everything, I stay up late and have poor health, I depend on my partner for company since he is my only friend. All this led to him slowly slowly loosing his passion for me even though we both know we couldn't find a better match.

Why don't you try rejuvinating yourself physically and mentally and hopefuly then the relationship will follow. Me and my boyfriend went to the beach & funfair yesterday which was a wonderful break (since we live in the city). Today my partner even came home for lunch because he was so happy to be around me again after our break by the sea. Things are looking up, tomorrow we are trying a new activity together (rock climbing, and yep you guess it I'm nervous, but excited). Try something new together, or take a definite break from normality. I know from my experience that these will work.

Funnily enough I'm also about to join a gym, what are they like? 8O