Redundancy at work

emre43

Well-known member
I am devastated to have been made redundant from my workplace.

I have lost the best job I’ve ever had and the best therapy I have ever had for my anxiety.

This job was perfect for my anxiety, because I had a small office with two people I got on really well with. We were all new and there were no pre-established relationships, which enabled me to express myself.

One colleague in particular, Lauren, I got on incredibly well with. We would laugh, joke, chat, and spend our lunch breaks together.

A couple of months into her employment (she started three-and-a-half months after me), she disclosed to me that she is pregnant and is going to have an abortion. I was the first person she told at the company and she also told me afterwards that she was incredibly anxious to come in and needed my support, without which, she may not have felt comfortable in returning to work. Four days later she told our manager as well.

I put my all into supporting Lauren, my energy, my effort, my emotion, my time, she cried in my arms twice and I bought her a set of anxiety necklaces. I would text her before her appointments to wish her luck and best wishes.

Out of the blue, on 27th June, the Managing Director entered the room and told me I was being made redundant due to a ‘significant downturn in sales’. Whenever I have asked both my Managing Director and my Manager, why I was chosen ahead of Lauren, they blank me. However, my manager, later told Lauren that they chose to let me go, because they didn’t want to put Lauren through anymore stress, due to her abortion. My union have since informed me that this is likely illegal, as it sounds like ‘Gender discrimination’. I have not taken this forward, because I made a promise to Lauren, that I would not tell anyone about her abortion and in taking action against my employer, it would open a can of worms and everyone would find out.

I am devastated that having lost my job, neither my manager, nor Lauren, have reached out to check up on me. After everything I gave in supporting Lauren, I feel heartbroken. My manager wrote in my leaving card ‘Thank you for the endless support you’ve given me’. But neither have felt the need to reach out to me when I need their support. They see my empty desk everyday, do they not look at it and think to themselves ‘Poor Tom, I wonder how he is?’.
 
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lily

Well-known member
aw, I'm so sorry that happened to you, emre43. I can imagine that certain settings are better for me too and that I'd not want to lose it. That sounds very difficult but there is a positive saying, "when one door closes, another opens". I hope that helps and wish you good luck.
 
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emre43

Well-known member
It’s just I’m not good at passing interviews because of my anxiety and I have a three-week holiday booked for next January/February, that I’m worried will put new employers off from hiring me. I had everything with this job and I’ve lost it all.
 

lily

Well-known member
It’s just I’m not good at passing interviews because of my anxiety and I have a three-week holiday booked for next January/February, that I’m worried will put new employers off from hiring me. I had everything with this job and I’ve lost it all.
I know it seems dreary right now but I have faith that things will get better for you. For me, I'm a Christian (even though not a very good one yet while I'm on medication still) so I just let it go, and let God take care of me and work things out for me. :)
 

emre43

Well-known member
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I’m wondering whether the whole point of me having this job was to help Lauren through her abortion.
 

lily

Well-known member
Your friend, Lauren is probably going through a hard time right now so I wouldn't really worry about it that she didn't contact you. You could contact her again though later and ask why she hasn't gotten in touch with you though to really know what's going on. I know it hurts though now or feels lonely. *hugs*
 

emre43

Well-known member
It’s both of those things, I’m just not going to be able to get a job so good for me again. I’m worried I won’t be able to get a new one at all, but I don’t even want a new one, I want my old one.
 

lily

Well-known member
Hi emre43, I deleted naming you by your stated name as I don't think you should post your real name on this site and therefore can delete it whenever if you wish.
 

lily

Well-known member
Hi emre43, No matter what you've already lost this one so you're going to have to come to acceptance anyway and look forward to whatever the future holds. In everyone's life there are good things and bad things and everyone has to go through their bad part in life as well as get to go through the good parts in life. Take care.
 

emre43

Well-known member
But it’s not going to get better than this. It was the best therapy I’ve ever had for my anxiety.
 

lily

Well-known member
Lauren is your friend so I think you should forget about going forward about it being illegal and my tone in saying this is in a nice way. That's what I would do. Since no one seems to be saying anything then I think it will be this way, unfortunately and sadly. :( You can also talk to Lauren about it some time after the abortion is over and tell her the situation (not with anything siding on your side but neutrally speaking to her) and see how it goes.

You can start by calling her (a few weeks after the abortion) and saying: Hi Lauren, how r u?
And then: How do you like your job? ---After these 2 questions you should decide whether or not to continue or as much as you want to. does this help?
 
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emre43

Well-known member
Her abortion is already over. She had it on 11th July. She text me on 15th July. We’ve spoken a couple of times since, but both times it’s been me initiating and I think I messed up yesterday.
 

emre43

Well-known member
Basically we get internal emails that give departmental updates. I asked if the last one mentioned me, because our manager writes them and it was only four days after I left. Lauren replied and said she’d have a look and then told me that it didn’t. I said thanks and she said no problem and I should have left it at that. Instead, I sent her the email that was circulated two days before she joined. She read it and ignored it which made me panic and I deleted the message. Now our chat history shows my last activity as ‘Tom deleted this message’. It’s made me feel flustered and anxious.
 

lily

Well-known member
Oh emre43, I guess I'm not professional enough to understand but I know you felt flustered and anxious. You say she read it and ignored it. What does that mean?
 
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emre43

Well-known member
Oh Tom, I guess I'm not professional enough to understand but I know you felt flustered and anxious. You say she read it and ignored it. What does that mean?
Just makes me feel as if I’m awkward and I didn’t need to say anything, I could have just left it and it would have been fine and I wouldn’t be feeling anxious right now.
 

lily

Well-known member
Just makes me feel as if I’m awkward and I didn’t need to say anything, I could have just left it and it would have been fine and I wouldn’t be feeling anxious right now.
I don't think you're awkward. Just the question is if you were sensitive enough to her. What e-mail did you show her if you don't mind me asking?
 

emre43

Well-known member
It was just an email a few days before she joined about our department. Manager commented about how were very much looking forward to a new person joining, which would end up being her.
 

lily

Well-known member
joining what? Sorry if I'm being annoying, it just seems nice of you if you were to send her that notice, unless it was something else.
 
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