Rearched My Breaking Point

[Just Making It]

Hello Everyone,

I rarely post on here, but I do stop by from time to time.. last time I posted a thread about my friends always getting attention when we go out and im standing there looking like a lost puppy.. well i finally reached my breaking point.. here is how the story went down..

I went on a trip to Mexico with a few co-workers and a friend of mines.. right off the bat my co-workers seemed to like my friend, which didnt bother me at that particular time. I was actually happy they hit it off.. but soon as we started getting "wasted" they all seemed to be attracted to my friend.. inviting him to parties and wbat not.. i started feeling a range of emotions everything from anger to sadness... then I heard them discussing being Facebook friends....

Everywhere I go with my friend; he is always getting attentions... clubs, bars, laundromat.. He has the personality that everybody loves for some strange reason, and it really pisses me off.. ive been around this friend for 4.5 years and its always the same.. we go out, people hit on him while im standing on the sidelines.. My friend is not a "model" or nothing like that, he's just a regular looking guy.. Im writing this say, I stopped talking to my friend in the middle of our trip, I didnt talk to him on the plane back to Florida.. even when we got home I didnt return any of his calls or nothing..

Part of me feels guilty, but part of me is very hurt.. do you know how much damage this does to ones self esteem?.. I saw my friend out at the club one day last week.. and I just shook his hand, and kept it moving.. i dont hold no conversation or nothing.. he's been leaving me message asking what happen between us.. and I cant bring myself to tell him that Im jealous of him... He will probably just feel sorry for me... but thats not what I need.. i need real people in my life..

 

[Sial Axetder]

He sounds real to me.
I understand where you are. A lot will.

You are stranger, he is welcome anywhere. Negativity. Every time you are out he steals the show, you are left behind.

I never minded a friend going off to do whatever. I may have to suffer, no reason he should. Friends we still are.

If true friends with this guy you are, set aside what you think he has and what you do not. If he does nothing but make your days worse ... It is your choice.

 

[Feathers]

Well, I can partly relate.

I have a friend who's been very popular with men etc, and partly she's addicted to the attention, so I just let her be.. Sometimes it's annoying though.. I don't hang out with her that much though.. And have occasionally stopped contact with her.. But she is also a lot of fun and has a great sense of humor.. So we sometimes still talk on the phone or hang out/go dancing or such.. I don't count on meeting (m)any men then though and would think twice before introducing her to a possible romantic interest or life partner, probably muuch later on in the stage when I'd be very sure about it all.. (or as a possible way to test him)

I also have a friend and a relative who I've introduced to each other, and I'm sometimes jealous when I hear of them hanging out together.. (I love 'em both, but I'm jealous if they see each other without me /sigh/)

What may help you is get some friends who are more 'low key' and more neutral.. These very attractive personalities (either visually or by personality) can sometimes 'overshadow' you.. and other people don't see you if you're so close to them.. partly it can also be your own fault.. (for example I get 'frozen' around that first friend, thinking 'everyone will like her anyway', although I've met many people who liked me just fine when I was on my own or with other friends, and some who actually liked me better than her..)
Also know some people may just be more compatible.. And you may be more compatible with some other people, or able to talk about some things these people know nothing about.. possibly connect with a totally different set of people..

You may also wanna make a list of qualities you have over those other people.. (for example, a very attractive relative of mine, uhm, snores.. badly. and some other attractive friends can be more whiney or annoying.. difficult to be with.. demanding.. whatever..)

I know this is about personality not about physical appearance, these two can be similar or go hand in hand..
you may actually be more gorgeous than your friend (?) or more... something (reliable? honest? deep? reflexive? what? )

You may also improve your personality and develop more charisma and great communication strategies.. it is completely possible.. (you can read books or see tapes or go to courses, lots of options..)

What does your friend like in you? What do other friends like? Maybe knowing these things could be helpful too?

I actually liked having separate sets of friends at the Uni too.. (though some of them didn't like each other, and that was stressful too..) Maybe just think twice who you introduce your friend or your coworkers/other friends to next time?
And do some things with other people, and make time to meet new people and work on social skills yourself, and do some stuff by yourself too?