Really getting discouraged with dating and women

[numb embryonic]

I'm 37 and in my prime in terms of looks (though I was never handsome anyway - I just age slower than other men and look about 28-30) I can't meet non-obese women IRL or through online dating (women ignore my 1st attempt contact messages on the internet). I've tried soft approach in the city centre social hangouts and I've gotten rejected. I dress nice (real leather jacket, nice loafers, clean clothes) but it has no impression at all.

In pubs I literally have a 0.00% conversion rate. Women don't even make eye contact. Its like I'm a ghost. I have tried hobby groups but all the women I like or like the look of are taken. I don't have high standards in looks, just not attracted to fat/obese.

And online dating where many lucky men are swimming with women, I get on average 1 non-fat woman every 4 months add me to her "would like to meet" list. When I message that women she ignores me completely. It is frustrating. I am not rude, boring, pushy or display sexual overtures in the message at all.

Absolutely nothing on Tinder and in fact most of these girls on such websites have huge self-entltlement and holier-than-thou egosim, they are a huge turn off anyway. Don't even know why I did that.

My slightly older, taller, better looking brother (6ft2) has always had girls approach him all his life. In fact he is married with 2 kids to a woman he met 6 years ago via online, and she messaged him first. She is not fat and has long dark hair.

It's a tough world out there if you're of a mediocre height (5ft9) and a average to weird looking guy. It seems average looks and average height to women means ugly. :sad:

Not looking for sympathy or a pity patter parade. Just need to vent.

Cliffs.
- Can't meet girls anywhere
- Don't know what to do
- Pretty obvious evidence its because of my looks
- Can't "lower standards" and go after fat women even though I wouldn't say that means I have high standards. I just can't get aroused by them.
- Thinking of looking abroad, maybe for asian women????

 

[Hellhound]

I'd like to see what you consider "fat". Because I can't believe you when you say you can't find "non-fat" girls.

 

[BlueDays]

opcorn:


(wonders how long it will take before this thread turns into Gender Wars thread *sigh*)

 

[SCP-087-1]

If it's not to personal, what do you usually message them with when you make contact via internet? I use to message women and try to be original and witty and usually fail at it but then a friend told me to just keep it simple and say something like "Hi. How are you?" and then I got more replies

 

[S_Spartan]

The internet makes many single women feel that they have unlimited options, women who feel that they have unlimited options don't believe that they should settle for an average male.

What many women online fail to see is that online dating is filled mainly with average men. Hence, they always say "where are all the good men"?

 

[MikeyC]

Absolutely nothing on Tinder and in fact most of these girls on such websites have huge self-entltlement and holier-than-thou egosim, they are a huge turn off anyway. Don't even know why I did that.

My mate is on Tinder and grabbed three dates already, with at least two others pending, in less than a month. I guess it works for some and not for others.

It's a tough world out there if you're of a mediocre height (5ft9) and a average to weird looking guy. It seems average looks and average height to women means ugly. :sad:

It's not the looks. It's all in the way you present yourself. Men have an easier time than women physically, so flaunt what you do have. You're taller than me and I managed to get a girlfriend, so not all is lost, mate.

Thinking of looking abroad, maybe for asian women????

Don't do this. You'd be leaving yourself open to scams.

 

[emptybench]

Is your profile pic really of you? Because if it is, shaving the moustache and having a haircut could improve your looks (I think most people don't like moustaches nowadays).

 

[Bronson99]

About online dating, don't bother with it.. nothing against you, but it tends to be a very painful thing for an inexperienced guy, especially if you have even the slightest expectation.

In real life, the idea is to convey fun, energy, enthusiasm, confidence. If you can pull this off adequately--which is going to be difficult to learn if you're not socially adept--it will override almost every other deficiency you have. This is something I see time and time again in real life. If you're not this way naturally, the best you can do is to run an emulation program, and try to slowly incorporate the new behaviors over time. As far as being "fake," that is a contentious point... I believe adaptation is necessary when you don't get anywhere, others would differ. In the end, it's a bit of both, being both the natural self AND acting as a more attractive self, at the same time.

I would say 5'9" is not too short; about 5'7" and below, then that is an uphill battle, unfortunately.

All I can say is, project energy and confidence, and the rest matters much, much less.