Dr. Doom
Well-known member
I don't know, lately it seems like I've just been getting more anxious, frustrated and depressed. I haven't really been taking my zoloft anymore, I don't know if it that or not...but yeah. I don't know, I just feel restless alot. I've been keeping a weird sleeping schedule. I don't know, it's like I'm just pissed and bored and tired all the time now. I don't care what other people have to say, they just all annoy me.
I really have nothing to do all day except maybe walk around the block, not in this heat, play video games or go the internet. Or eat. I just get really bored and then depressed and then restless and soon anxious. I've felt somewhat suicidal lately as well.
There is just nothing I can think of to curb this. I'm really lonely, bored. I want to do something but I don't feel motivated. I mean, I literally have a treadmill right next to the couch where I eat frozen pizzas and watch shotime. I haven't showered in days. I can't remember when, maybe last sunday or saturday?
I'm kind of just ranting and going off because I don't know what else to do. I have a showing at my house in about 10 min, there can be showings all day long and so I can't sleep if I want, I have to stay up. It's like its not even my house anymore. Thats why I hate moving, the showings, the packings, the unpackings the adjustments. So thats been on my mind.
I just feel crazy right now. I mean, I'm not foaming at the mouth, nude, and wild eyed typing this with my feet or anything, but I feel that way. I mean you couldn't tell if I felt this way unless you looked closely. I hate that. I feel stuck in my head. I don't know how to let this ainst out. Like all that comes to mind is suicide, self harm or idk, something illegal. Instead I just pace around the house cursing and hitting myself, turn the TV on and off, meditate, get frustrated.
I really don't know what to do. I don't think it's being off Zoloft, at least I dont think it is. And if it is, do I really want to be on it in the first place. I'm really getting anxious about a canoe trip up north coming up in 10 days. I don't think I'm going to have any fun because I'm going with semi-family that I really don't like. It's going to be my half-sister's husband, their kids and his father. The kids annoy me, the dad annoys me and the husband does to, though I get along with him the best.
So this trip, its 4 days, 3 nights, there are going to be bugs, its going to be hot, sweaty, I'm going to have annoying people around me. I honestly think I'll just be playing the gameboy the whole time, maybe I should get tetris before the trip. I also need batteries for it. But, I don't know. I guess I had fun when I took the trip 2 years ago with my brother in law. But I just dreading it now. I think it's because of the extra people. Certainly because it's my nephews coming along, who annoy me, but thank god my sister isnt coming or I just wouldn't go.
I'm trying to play this game on my genesis called revenge of shinobi, ninja game, but I just hate the three button genesis controller. The buttons take a bit longer to press down and get responce, ie Shinobi jumping or shooting shurikans. Its makes it really frustrating because the game is great looking and the music is great but its hard to play with the controller the way it is.
So now it's 11:30, and the people that were sapposed to show up and look at the house are late. 11:30-12:30. That means they will be late, so they will stay later. That totally ****s me up because I have to wait outside for them. I have litteraly nothing else to do while they look at the house. Just sit outside like some ****ing vegetable.
I'm really tired, liek I wouldn't even lay down because I wouldn't be able to get back up. Ugh. AAAAAGGGGHGHGHGHGHHHH!!!!
Like seriously what the ****. With luck there will probably be a few more showings so I can sleep untill later this afternoon. I still have to weedwack and get dinner ready too.
Thanks for letting me get a bit of it out.
I really have nothing to do all day except maybe walk around the block, not in this heat, play video games or go the internet. Or eat. I just get really bored and then depressed and then restless and soon anxious. I've felt somewhat suicidal lately as well.
There is just nothing I can think of to curb this. I'm really lonely, bored. I want to do something but I don't feel motivated. I mean, I literally have a treadmill right next to the couch where I eat frozen pizzas and watch shotime. I haven't showered in days. I can't remember when, maybe last sunday or saturday?
I'm kind of just ranting and going off because I don't know what else to do. I have a showing at my house in about 10 min, there can be showings all day long and so I can't sleep if I want, I have to stay up. It's like its not even my house anymore. Thats why I hate moving, the showings, the packings, the unpackings the adjustments. So thats been on my mind.
I just feel crazy right now. I mean, I'm not foaming at the mouth, nude, and wild eyed typing this with my feet or anything, but I feel that way. I mean you couldn't tell if I felt this way unless you looked closely. I hate that. I feel stuck in my head. I don't know how to let this ainst out. Like all that comes to mind is suicide, self harm or idk, something illegal. Instead I just pace around the house cursing and hitting myself, turn the TV on and off, meditate, get frustrated.
I really don't know what to do. I don't think it's being off Zoloft, at least I dont think it is. And if it is, do I really want to be on it in the first place. I'm really getting anxious about a canoe trip up north coming up in 10 days. I don't think I'm going to have any fun because I'm going with semi-family that I really don't like. It's going to be my half-sister's husband, their kids and his father. The kids annoy me, the dad annoys me and the husband does to, though I get along with him the best.
So this trip, its 4 days, 3 nights, there are going to be bugs, its going to be hot, sweaty, I'm going to have annoying people around me. I honestly think I'll just be playing the gameboy the whole time, maybe I should get tetris before the trip. I also need batteries for it. But, I don't know. I guess I had fun when I took the trip 2 years ago with my brother in law. But I just dreading it now. I think it's because of the extra people. Certainly because it's my nephews coming along, who annoy me, but thank god my sister isnt coming or I just wouldn't go.
I'm trying to play this game on my genesis called revenge of shinobi, ninja game, but I just hate the three button genesis controller. The buttons take a bit longer to press down and get responce, ie Shinobi jumping or shooting shurikans. Its makes it really frustrating because the game is great looking and the music is great but its hard to play with the controller the way it is.
So now it's 11:30, and the people that were sapposed to show up and look at the house are late. 11:30-12:30. That means they will be late, so they will stay later. That totally ****s me up because I have to wait outside for them. I have litteraly nothing else to do while they look at the house. Just sit outside like some ****ing vegetable.
I'm really tired, liek I wouldn't even lay down because I wouldn't be able to get back up. Ugh. AAAAAGGGGHGHGHGHGHHHH!!!!
Like seriously what the ****. With luck there will probably be a few more showings so I can sleep untill later this afternoon. I still have to weedwack and get dinner ready too.
Thanks for letting me get a bit of it out.
