real bitter

J

jonpeters

Member
this is my first post, wow i feel like venting haha but il bite my tongue a little, though its already sore from being clamped day in and day out. So ya, every compulsive txt msg I transmit to any which person I take the time to consider goes in vane, and I feel like a total idiot because it either goes without reply, or replied to the next day (if that). Haha thanks guys. When I text total strangers on craigslist, I get replies within minutes. So this evidence that my useless circle of friends only acknowledges my exsistence when it serves to their benefit. Otherwise I don't exsist because they have their own problems and head up their own asses. I'm out of sight and mind.

Haha this is a warm inviting feeling I know all too well (and by warm, I mean similar to the warmth of blood rushing to color the complexion of your freshly slapped face by a cold hard hand lol). You'd think I wouldn't give it much thought, seeing as how I've led this lifestyle for my entirety. Well I'll take the uninvited liberty of lamenting eitherway, because I don't get used to anything.

So to all the people in my personal world, I'll remember all this the next time you grace my cellular prescence with your useless waste of digital information. Don't think I expect reciprocity from my compulsive digital transmissions, I already know you wont exhibit any. Yes this is a bitter and pathetic sentiment, of course its neither positive nor productive, and yes it does hint towards an ever eroding chip on my shoulder, much like the pattern of the grand canyon.
Thanks for the time, flame away:)

oops this was meant to be a reply in the thread http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/post-your-random-thoughts-feelings-etc-32710/
I dont know how to delete this thread, stupid noob mistake haha
 
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K

Kinetik

Well-known member
No company is better than bad company. If your efforts to connect are wasted with the group of people you call friends, then I say it's time to move on. It sounds like you have a tendency to latch on to people too easily, so I would say first and foremost, find solace within yourself. Learn to live with and accept yourself, and do your own thing for a while. That way you can clear your head of resentment, as well as learn how to function solo. Then you can consider moving on to meeting new people on a more take-it-or-leave-it basis. If these new people treat you as an equal, great, if not, you don't need them in your life because you'll be more than able to handle things by yourself. That's the ideal mindset to get into.
 
J

jonpeters

Member
SilentBird said:
Bitterness leads to twistedness.
Click to expand...

Ya, I hear that, im already ahead of you on that one. As a matter if fact, Ive been deducing in hind sight that Im naturally moraly deficienttelling. I even went as far as telling my therapist that im exhibiting many similarities with asperger syndrome individuals. I mean I dont have the patience to put effort towards comin across a decent approachable person, neither do care much for others' problems. Sorry if that sounds narcissistic, hypocritical, or self centered, but im just emotionally fed up in general. Call it what you will. Ive been a lifelong loner, so maybe it has to do with why I just dont have the capacity to be trully sympathetic(and just blanket everyone as petty haha).
 
J

jonpeters

Member
Kinetik said:
No company is better than bad company. If your efforts to connect are wasted with the group of people you call friends, then I say it's time to move on. It sounds like you have a tendency to latch on to people too easily, so I would say first and foremost, find solace within yourself. Learn to live with and accept yourself, and do your own thing for a while. That way you can clear your head of resentment, as well as learn how to function solo. Then you can consider moving on to meeting new people on a more take-it-or-leave-it basis. If these new people treat you as an equal, great, if not, you don't need them in your life because you'll be more than able to handle things by yourself. That's the ideal mindset to get into.
Click to expand...

I see your point. Thats pretty much how ive taKen it the last year or so. However, it hasnt led to any personal imrovement. I Do enjoy solace, and under all the toxic feelings and negativity, im proud of my personal traits and quirks. When I get exhausted from envying ppl and self loathing, I remember the the things I like about me.

however, the ppl I trashed in my initial post are infact ppl that ive known for a significant portion of my life. It might sound like im taking things too seriously, but since when does venting and ranting ned to be rational hehe? Id say that my rant is more about my perception of people in general. you may comment that thers gotta be something wrong with me if thats how everyone treats me. But again, im not motivated to try convincing people that im one to pay attention to. If im treated invisible and forgotten, then they shouldnt expect me to be "emotionaly mature" and brush it off, al while maintaining some zen positivity. Quite the contrary- it cheapens my outlook, and fortifies my cynicism.

Sorry for the lengthy post.;)
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Yeah, they develop a "complex", which is not based on the truth, which is made up of many irrational or twisted/bent misbeliefs ... and as the saying goes "lies are the source of all evil"...
 
J

jonpeters

Member
thesmallestloser said:
Yeah, they develop a "complex", which is not based on the truth, which is made up of many irrational or twisted/bent misbeliefs ... and as the saying goes "lies are the source of all evil"...
Click to expand...

Lol, im pretty sure im there already. Its whats behind my belief that both the world & father time are unrelenting non sympathetic gears that turn forever, until whenever. So if one more person shuts the world out(me), no one cares. Business goes on as usual, another day, another $. Another good thing is that the world gets 1 less person to be judged on his faults, flaws and insecurities. MEh, but wat do I know blahblah rant rant lol
 
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