i was in your position a while ago, felt like being alone was the best option. but i found out that the more your alone the worse you get. i used to tell myself that i prefered being alone, but thats a lie.
luckily i have one or two good friends that i can rely on and have stuck by me (i wonder why somtimes) and started to go out more. i got my first girlfriend at 21! now i look back and remember that it seemed like the biggest thing in the world, i would never have a girlfriend and whats the poit of living. i worried so much about te first time and that i would make a mess of it.
well you know what, i did. it was almost as bad as i imagined. but you know what? WHO CARES!!! things can only get better. and they have done for me. i feel like im at a turning point in my life, time to start living instead of just waiting to die. sp afected my relationship and after a few months we split up (this week) , but rather than be upset im seeing it as the beggining of the rest of my life!
i was thinking about life, and what was the point of it. well theres one conclusion ive come up with and thats
experiences. i realise that i have wasted my childhood and im never gonna get that back. i missed so much because i stayed in or was too scared, always sittin on the sidelines watching.
well now thats over. im gonna try my hardest and experience everything i can. i know its easy to say sat in my room all alone, but i have to try and remember it when i step outside but i know i can do it, now ive found out im not alone, im not a weirdo, that there is actually somthing wrong with me i can make steps to get my life on track. if i can do it so can you. ive been at the lowest point, not having one friend to rely on, feeling whats the point in carrying on, but that doesnt have to be it. i feel like im soaring at the moment, listening to uplifting music (paul van dyk- time of our lives) for instance, and reading through these message boards i have found.
please mate keep your chin up, i know how you feel, but it can get better, just take one step at a time.
i know im not cured, i have to keep reminding myself when i feel down and blue how good i can feel. i know its hard but im trying my best. even doing the tinyest little thing that you wouldnt normally do no matter what it is can help. you just have to focus on that good step and say my life is now that little bit better because i have done that. focus on the good things and the bad will fade away slowly. ive got a long way to go but i have also come along way and that is what i focus on from now.
your half way up a mountain, do you look up and see how far you have to go, all the hard work it will take to get there? or do you look down and see just how far youve made it so far, how all your hard work has paid off?
well its up to you, life is what you make it!
step by step, day by day life
WILL get better, because
I will make it get better. no more sitting around using excuses that i cant do things or blaming other people for the way things are, because its my life, its down to me to make it better.
ive made a concious effort to change the way i percieve things, i mean i could take being dumped by my g/f who i had really started to love as a bad thing, that i will never fid anyone like her again. to be honest six months ago i would have done and sunk into a pit of despair, but instead i have taken a step back and seen it for what it really is, an experience. it is a part of life, and that means im living my life!! i am looking onward and upward, maybe it will be a long time before i will find someone who can get past my shyness and get to know the real me, but maybe it will be today, who nows? but i can tell you one thing, it wont happen sitting here in my room thinking about things.
ive just realised how long this post is, i was only gonna make a quick reply, but just carried on typing. just finding people i can talk to without the fear of ridicule is a good type of therapy, i feel alot better now so thanks
