Quiet in groups...

[HeadFace]

I know it seem like an average problem for any SocialPhobic, or anyone with SA. But really, I think I take it to a whole new level. And it bugs the **** out of me. It doesn't matter how close I am with the people. I'm extremely quiet if there's more than 1 person. If I'm really really close with both people, and am used to be with the 2 of them at once, then maybe I won't be as shy. But if not, I'm just completely quiet. Like conversations are going on around me; instead of with me and the rest of the group. It's like everyone else is talking except me. They all expect me to talk... I know that... But it's like I can't help it. Like what I say would just, not matter to the rest. And I'd look like an idiot, or a moron. Or even if I try to be funny, just get looked at as a moron.
It's annoying, really. Even if I'm with my girlfriend, and more people I'm just completely quiet.
The only exceptions I can really really think about, is if it was during IM, when I'm not actually facing the people. And with family, and family friends that I've known for a long, long time.
So, do you guys have the same problem as me? It's hard enough to talk to people in general... But I can get over that (eventually :\ ). It's just this quietness, when I'm in groups. Like it feels like my mind won't let me talk.. As if I'll get punished if I do. Or as if I'm not able to.

Oh, and if you know what I can do to make this better... Please... I beat myself up over this almost every day. It's like, in order to move on, I need to conquer this fear.

Also just incase you got confused; It's somewhat easy for me to talk one on one (maybe not to strangers, and old friends). As in I'll try my hardest to not let the conversation die, to keep it from being awkward if it's me and ONE other person.

 

[Anti Matter]

I'm exactly in the same boat as you dude, I tried to cope with it by ignoring the problem thus making it worse, I'm trying to work on this problem by trying to show myself to people and figuring out if they like me or not as a person, the only way to overcome this fear imo is to tackle it head on. Find out who likes you for who you are and find out who doesn't judge you.

If people find you annoying, you find them annoying, if people don't like you, you don't like them.

It's a two way thing and you are a person just like everyone else. I'm still working on this problem so forgive me if this isn't sound advice. Heh.

 

[Meatballs]

I can definitely relate to this. I get lost in groups, and quietly retreat back into the background. I'm trying to just slowly put myself out there in groups more.. speaking out even if I feel uncomfortable.. and not letting "negative" reactions stop me from trying and trying again...

 

[moni10]

I remember having discussed with my psychologist about the same problem.Her answer really pissed me off.She told me it is because my lack of attention that I'm so quiet when I'm surrounded by many people and advised me to try to do more things in the same time (in order to develop my attention ability or smth). I've tried to tell her I don't think this problem might be related to the attention ability but it was in vain...

 

[Freeflex]

I know what you feel, and I'm the same way. I get quiet and quite annoyed when I'm talking to 1-2 people I'm close to and a third person comes and joins the conversation for whatever reason, even if I get along with that person, it makes everything awkward so I go quiet, which is bad as it gives a rude impression to that person.

It's mainly due to the fact I've had bad experience with this when I was a child and everyone was two-faced to eachother, anyway. I'd be getting along fine and dandy with one person, some other person joins in and decides s/he doesn't like me and turns my other friend on me. It didn't happen often, but it happened a few times.

 

[Solo Dolo]

i have the EXACT same problem. exept its weird. a lot of times i wont even be nervous or shy really. its like you said, my mind just wont let me talk....i just feel like i have writers block for talking and just cant think of anything useful for the conversation. it blows. and im REALLY good 1 on 1. in groups i suck

 

[HeadFace]

Ah, well I'm relieved I can relate to a lot of you. Maybe I'll try more and more, to get rid of this problem. Maybe try to hang out with 2 other people that I'm really close to, and see if I'm still quiet in that group. Then gradually move on.

 

[HeadFace]

i just feel like i have writers block for talking and just cant think of anything useful for the conversation. it blows. and im REALLY good 1 on 1. in groups i suck

This completely describes my situation. If it's one on one, I'll literally find anything to talk about. In groups, I'm just kinda there.. Like in the background; Laughing at the conversation every once in a while

 

[IamThisOne]

I can't talk to people when in groups either. It's worse for me in a "social" setting, but business I am alright. Even if it is with one person or many, I can't talk because my mind won't let me. It gets especially bad when I get left alone with one person in a room. If I do say something, I will think about what I said and convince myself that I sounded stupid or interrupted someone else.

The only thing that I have figured out that helps is alcohol. However, I don't like to drink and anyway the thoughts return when I sober up.

 

[HeadFace]

The only thing that I have figured out that helps is alcohol. However, I don't like to drink and anyway the thoughts return when I sober up.

Lol, for one I've never drank. And I'm legal. Plus my parents are stricts ****ers. Though, I've heard drinking relaxes you a lot and gets rid of anxiety, of you're a socialphobe
Edit: I meant not legal

 

[be_noticed]

that describes me when my friends get bored of me. i dont know if im a boring person but im not as outgoing as what my friends would come across as. i always end up being the silent one or i purposely get cut out of the conversation because someone assumes i dont want to talk :l

 

[vj288]

In any situation I'm not super comfortable, but in groups it's multiplied by 100, especially the whiplash after a bad experience. Like I just started college last week, and decided I was going to try really hard to say something in a class. The time came when I conjured up enough confidence to raise my hand, and turns out I just said something someone else already said except in a less intelligent manner. Luckily there was like 3 min left of class so when it was over I bolted out of there and felt really anxious and bad for the next hour, like I needed to go burn off the feeling by running or lifting or worse... Groups aren't good for me.