post your funny s

AngelsTears85

AngelsTears85

Well-known member
Aye, aye cap’n

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were about to be boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his first mate, ‘Bring me my red shirt!’
The first mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to victory.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there was another pirate ship on the horizon. The crew shivered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, ‘Bring me my red shirt!’ And once again the battle was on. Another victory!
That night, weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck recounting the day’s drama. An ensign looked to the captain and asked, ‘Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?’
The captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, ‘If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood and thus you men will continue to fight unafraid.’ The men sat in silence, marveling at the courage of such a man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there was a pirate ship on the horizon. Then another! And another, 10 of them in all!
The men became silent and looked to the captain for his usual command.
The captain, calm as ever, bellowed, ‘Bring me my brown trousers!’
 
AngelsTears85

AngelsTears85

Well-known member
Hi All,



If you are ever having a bad day, think of this poor guy and then realise yours is not
so bad after all.



Cheers








Rob is a commercial saturation diver
for Global Divers in Louisiana . He performs underwater repairs on
offshore drilling rigs.



Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She
then sent it to a radio station in Ft. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring
a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.



Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had
a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at
work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make
you
realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I
first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit
to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite
cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel-powered
industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the
water
out of the sea, heats it to a delightful temperature, then pumps it down to
the diver through a
garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this
sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no
complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the
hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole
suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going
well until all of a sudden, my bum started to itch. So, of course, I
scratched
it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my
bum started to burn! I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage
was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine
had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't
stick to it. However, the crack of my bum was not as fortunate. When
I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding
the
jellyfish into the crack of my bum.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five
other divers, were all laughing hysterically Needless to say I
aborted
the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression
Stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to
begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface,
I
was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic,
with tears of laughter
running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it
on my bum as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I
couldn't poo for two days because my bum was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
Worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your bum . Now
repeat to yourself, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."
Now
whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish Bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!
 
tommydog

tommydog

Well-known member
Q: How do you change a blondes mind ?

A: Blow in her ear.


Q: How do you plant dope ?

A: Bury a blonde.


Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard ?

A: Grade 4

:lol:
 
AngelsTears85

AngelsTears85

Well-known member
WICOE
(Women In Charge Of Everything)
is proud to announce the opening of its

EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
OPEN TO MEN ONLY
ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each
course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course
Include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS-DO THEY GROW ON THE
HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET &
FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE;
DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK
OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control – Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place
Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming –
Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS;
DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH;
BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO
YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT
QUIETLY
AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS;
BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN
YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES
& CALLING WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT;
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BRING WRONG ALL
THE TIME
Individual counselors available
 
AngelsTears85

AngelsTears85

Well-known member
Phobia_3.jpg


Anxiety_4.jpg


Social_Phobia_3.jpg


Social_Phobia_4.jpg


THNKPOST.gif
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top