Post a Joke........

Dead_on_Arrival

Dead_on_Arrival

Well-known member
I love a good joke and I beleive it is good for the mind to have a bloody good laugh every now and again.



A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, 'Do you know me?'

To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'.


She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
A man walked into the psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap.

The psychiatrist took one look and said, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
 
upndwn

upndwn

Well-known member
There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, who were all stranded on an island.One day they found a genie and he said he would grant them three wishes.All three of them agreed that each of them would get one wish each.The brunette said, "I wish I was home in my bed and that this never happened."
, and poof her wish was granted.The redhead said, "I wish that I was at home in my bed and this never happened."
, and poof her wish was granted.Then the blond said, "I wish my friends were here with me."
 
Dead_on_Arrival

Dead_on_Arrival

Well-known member
a>
 
Dead_on_Arrival

Dead_on_Arrival

Well-known member
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in.

Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick.

It's great though. It does everything -
KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot.."
 
Dead_on_Arrival

Dead_on_Arrival

Well-known member
Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she

wants the 12 clothes pegs back.
 
Dead_on_Arrival

Dead_on_Arrival

Well-known member
Victoria Beckham was being driven around the countryside in her limo.
Suddenly a cow walked into the road and unable to stop in time, the limo hit the cow.

Slightly shaken up, the driver went to see if the cow was alright.

'Is it alright?' asked Victoria .

The driver prodded the cow with his foot and shook his head. 'No ma'am, it's dead.'

'Well you were driving, so you can go tell the farmer what happened!'

So the driver went off to the nearby farm. A couple of hours later he
came back holding a bottle of wine, his clothes scruffy and messed up.

'Oh my god, what happened to you?' Victoria exclaimed.

'Well ma'am,' explained the driver, 'the farmer gave me this bottle of
wine, the farmer's wife gave a kiss and their daughter made love to me.'

'Just what the hell did you say to them?'

'I'm Victoria Beckham's driver and I've just killed the cow.'
 
Thelema

Thelema

Well-known member
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I told him I wanted a second opinion.

He said okay, you're ugly too.
 
Dead_on_Arrival

Dead_on_Arrival

Well-known member
Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the

Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another

man of the same calibre."
 
Dead_on_Arrival

Dead_on_Arrival

Well-known member
Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend...

Beautiful,
Intelligent,
Gentle,
Thoughtful,
Innocent,
Trustworthy,
Sensible.
 
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