PLEASE help me out someone, kind of a simple problem but I need help!

Hey guys. I would like for someone to recommend to me just what the heck should I do with myself right now. This may seem to you that I am joking, and I can see why would someone think that, since my problems are most of the time hilarious, but the suffering part is preety real to me. It would help me out some advice, like I said, what should I do now? And what would you think if you were faced with this problem? Ok, here it goes.
My current problem is this one:
I posted something on a forum recommending a book about lets say making a orage cake- it started this way. Big deal right? But immediatly after I started to think stuff like: What if someone buys that book and then for example a robber comes and says something like: Give me 10 bucks or you die, and this person doesn't have it because that she bought that book, would I somehow be guilty about that? Or what if the person dislikes that book, and never makes orange cakes again'? What if for example just that book is a bad book, and she doesn't ever make orange cakes again, and orange cakes could benefit these persons life a lot.
I very recently have started to think stuff in this manner, it's crazy, I didn't do this before. I NEVER had such problems. The problem style is always something very stupid like this, and then I am only peacful when I find a solution, the problem is, it takes a lot of time... It's ocd right? How can I fix this? It helpes me to find a solution (If you want a example of other, even more stupid problems, ask) but right after, like one hour after TOPS, this means, sometimes less, I "invent" a new identical problem. The word invent imples I consiculsly invented it, which isn't QUITE so, because me or my mind make up these problems from no where. I always want to find a solution, do you see?

It would help me if you answered, for example, what would you think in such a situation? Or since solving problems has no long term benefit, what do I do now? It seems to be like a resposability ocd or a pure-o ocd, but what do people usually do to fix this? I never had these kinds of problems before. I admit that I think that if I solved this situation, the whole disorder would vanish, but I've read that it isn't so on the net.... Plus, I've had like 3 or 4 of these problems, and a different one comes along, that's the same style.

So what would you advice for me to do now? What do I do to solve this problem? How would you solve it? What would you think/do? Hope someone can help me out. Thanks for reading really!
 

mmmm

Well-known member
what I do is, you know how the scenario plays over and over in your head? Well I create a fantasy situation with that scenario so that it starts in the same old scary way but finishes off being hugely empowering for me or the person I'm scared for. Eg: immagine I read your post and I go out and buy the book (please immagine me as really thin and pretty, it helps with the empowerment thing ;)) and some loser sticks a knife in my face and demands money, which I now don't have. So the guy decides to kill me but then suddenly this gorgeous hunk jumps out of nowhere and buggers the knife guy up and falls in love with me and we get married and have orange cake at our wedding. All because of you and your book!!!

PS: after I read the book I decide that it is the worst book ever and never eat orange cake again AND END UP LOSING 3 DRESS SIZES!!! You're the best, ocdkindofguy!

Anyway, use your immagination and see what you come up with. It's kind of fun.

And some people are just necer going to like orange cake no matter what. There are plenty of other colours in the rainbow.
 

mikestar

Banned
erm when I was a kid I used to think up silly things like that, quite serious stuff in fact and it did go on to bug me for months on end, stopping me doing almost everything.

Only thing I did and help from my mum, was write these thoughts down and eliminate them one by one by giving reasons why I shouldnt be worried(easier said than done!). I have book full of obsessions and worries,suppose it felt better to me knowing that these problems are on paper and out of my head.

Probably dousnt answer your question mate lol
 

JCS008

Well-known member
I do the "list making also" I list things that I have to keep organized, goals I want to achieve. It basically gets to the point that I have multiple lists of things that I try to live my life by.

I think the porblem with OCD is that your mind tries to program thought processes or routines in order to compensate or relieve the stressful thoughts in your head. I would honestly say try your best to avoid developing a routine to deal with your thoughts, but rather just deal with the uncomfortable state for the time being and hope that it goes away on its own.

Based on what I've been researching, that's what most sites suggest. I'm trying that myself, and it's difficult, but I just know that developing more routines or complusions to relieve the thoughts just makes things worse.
 

little sheep

New member
I have similar thoughts! And I have also no solution yet. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. These thoughts are now completely blocking me from doing almost anything. I will start cognitive behaviour therapy very soon and I am on 20 mg lexapro now. Are you following any kind of therapy or using any medication? Can you tell me what TOPS means? I am not an native english speaker..... Looking forward to here from you!

Best
 

sabbath9

Banned
learn to not take your thoughts literally, thoughts are just thoughts, our minds are designed to come up with worst case scenarios, but we don't have to believe all these doom and gloom cases
 
Thanks thanks thanks!! These were some great replies I rally loved them! :):):) mmmm niiiceeee answer!!

Tops means maximum, like if I solve one of these problems, I get another one really fast. For example, while I was worrying about that problem, a different situation come up, but it didn't matter. After I fixed that problem, then that other situation came to take up the spot where the old problem was... | IF someone is interrested, the other day I saw a girl who was a girlfriend of a friend of mine, and I bet they still like eachother! But they're ALWAYS fighting and so. So I saw her and I told her: Hey check it out, xzy is now working at that restaurant over there! Go there talk to him I'm sure he wouldn't matter! Then I started thinking: Damn what if she looses interrest in him becase of that what I said? etc. My logical mind tells me not to worry, but this still affects me somehow.|

If someone suffers from the same kind of toughts as I do.... Well isn't it so that you get kind of a "dark spot" in your head? Kind of a wierd feeling.... Like something that isn't totally clear.... It's kind of paralizing, makes you feel sort of trapped sometimes, at least that's how I feel. It pervades my whole mind! But it used to affect it more, even so...

I don't know what to do.... Most sites recommend not giving it any attention? That's what I've been trying to do, not thinking much about it. It's not the same as ignoring it, but is that what most sites recommend? That's what I'm going to try to do for a while. HEHE guys, if we get these stuff fixed our lives will be so much better.... It's kind of not so easy tho! Not thinking about it I can do it, but whenever I go do something fun I remind myself of the problem.... NExt time I will try to act anyway! For the folks who have it the same as I do, these kinds of dumb problems, they'll know how it can be. It may seem strange that we get affected by this, but for some reason it really makes an impact.

But i'm not using any medication tho.
 
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little sheep

New member
If someone suffers from the same kind of toughts as I do.... Well isn't it so that you get kind of a "dark spot" in your head? Kind of a wierd feeling.... Like something that isn't totally clear.... It's kind of paralizing, makes you feel sort of trapped sometimes, at least that's how I feel. It pervades my whole mind! But it used to affect it more, even so...

Amazing: I also experience the paralizing effect. From a rational point of view, I complete reject these thoughts, but the accompanying feelings just do not match...... Everything I do or think MUST be completely perfect. If not, I indeed this get this 'dark spot'!
 

Imhotep

Well-known member
You do realise that if someone does buy that book on orange cake and hates the result, they're unlikely to hate you for it, right? And furthermore, if they do hate you for it, it's more a case of them being an asshole and not you, right?

It's easy to say that, because I kind of know where your mind is going, but you must know it's true on some level.

One book I read recently suggested making two lists of possible outcomes to things like this. One one side of a piece of paper, you write down your nightmare scenarios - and a robber killing the guy you recommended the cake book to would be top of that particular list, I think it's fair to say. And on the other side, list the probable outcomes: they like the recipe, they don't like the recipe but are grateful you showed an interest and recommended something and so on.

Not tried it myself, but I think it's worth a shot.
 
oh my god what is that? what would you waste your time worring over something like that for? i cant even begin to but in to words thats the most stupid thing i have ever heard i am sorry i am not being mean to you or saying this to make you feel or look bad but like wtf??? you have no control over peoples actions only your own so infact as it goes thats your anser to this problem stop worring about things you cant control problem solved!
 
Lol thanks.... That's the answer I need tho, that's what I tought and the the problem vanished...

And it's not that they hate me for it or something.... I could give a DAAAAMNNNNN about that!!!!!!!!!! No nonononoonon, it's deffinitly NOT that. It's just the: Would I be guilty if something like that happened? The robber case doesn't bother me anymore tho, since I've managed to "solve" that one, (if someone is interrested ask!) but for example in the second case, in the girlfriend case, when I said to my friends former girlfriend, you should go see him, I'm sure he didn't mind that, I tought that if that what I said made her like loose interest in him, would I be guilty? That's the only thing that bothers me, I don't know if I should be guilty of these scenarios happening or not. Like if that somehow manages to ruin their whole thing and so, should I feel guilty? I say: Of course not, but then my mind would say: But you ruined everything, etc etc, and I must have a logical explination for not to worry, it's more of something like that.

Like in the orange book thing, I was much more worryed about thinking that I would be guilty if the robber thing happened and that's about what worryes me in every "problem", because my mind finds reasons to consider me guilty, and obviously I don't think I am that guilty, and unless I find a perfect answer to say that I'm not guilty, that paralizing effect will be there. I will always be worrying if I am guilty or not, because if I tell myself that I am not, the mind will say: But etc etc. And if I don't find a good explination to find out that 100% I am not guilty, that problem will still make a great impact on my mind.
 
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mmmm

Well-known member
Check the Bible and the constition. I'm sure you'll find nothing in them that would send you straight to hell or jail for your evil deeds. Rule of thumb: if it's not mentioned in law books, you're probably okay to do it, guilt free. Oh, and you're innocent until proven guilty anyway, so good luck to the prosecution.
 
I will always be worrying if I am guilty or not, because if I tell myself that I am not, the mind will say: But etc etc..

Its your own mind man you and your mind are one its not like you say "ok i wont worry about this" and then your mind is a sperate person who says "no you will worry about...etc etc" mate if you can do it for the robber problem thing you was talkin about then you can do it for this i am sure you have other better things to be doing then worring about "what if this or that happens all the time. :)
 
The main thing is that, for example, in the girl problem, I tought that maybe if she did like loose interest on my friend because that I told her that he wanted to talk with her, I tought that I'd be like a little guilty, because I did influence a little bit do you see? That's kind of what seems to be bugging me. I don't care what happens with these guys, and I'm positive that that isn't going to happen in a million years, but there is a infinite probability that it will, and if that happened would I somehow be guilty? Like I did influence a bit? That is sort of what I was thinking.

But then again maybe not.... Maybe she upon hearing that made her decision... Like a different person may have tought something else right? A different person may have been glad to hear that, so maybe it would really be my fault. You guys agree right? I seem to be struggling with I don't know what's right and not. If someone gives me some support I guess that would be nice, altough my conclusion there seems better then considering me guilty. I guess I'm going to follow your advice and let this one go.... This problems are HARD to solve, I used to think a lot back then.... I'm going to dedicate some of my time to some OCD sufferers. These kinds of problems may seen simple but you could think for hours about that.... Thanks for all your efforts everyone. You helped me feel better at the very least. :D lol. If someone agreed with my conclusion I wrote here, that would be deffinitly what I needed to really end this whole mess.
 
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So this one with the girl ok no there is no reason why you should feel guilty if it dont work out between them or they have problems later on. Do you think it keeps bill gates up at night worring that some users might not like his new Windows products i dont think so lol Dont think so much...Problem solved lol
 
I made improvment on this, if anyone who has similar problems to me, read this.

First off.... That user named mmmm :)D) actually posted something helpful....It's not against the law to, for example, not help anyone, etc. This isn't related to the problem I posted, but whenever you feel like you "should" do this, or something, remind yourself that you are absolutley free. Maybe it doesn't even solve a problem, but it makes you feel more free just to remind yourself.

Then I also tought... If that happened, it would make no sence to feel guilty. That guilt feeling isn't going to help me, it's only going to make me feel bad, it serves no other purpose. So no, I guess I wouldn't feel guilty if that happened, simple as that, I would choose not to feel guilty, since yeah, we negelect that, but sometimes we forget that we have 100% control over ourselves. It helped me to think about that.
 
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