endoflife
Well-known member
I dont know what to do anymore. This might be a long post. I am 15 and am in 10th grade. I am on Lexapro but it dosnt seem to help. I think I have depression and severe SA.
At school, during my free periods and lunch period, I do not go to the lunch room. Ever. I am to embarrassed. Instead I go to the math lab to do my homework or if I dont have any, I go up to a hallway that is almost never used and just sit until the period is over.
My parents, other adults and even some other girls have told me I am really good looking, but I never think so. Whenever I go on forums that are primarily made up of people around my age, even geek computer forums, I see everybody causally talking about their GF and all the fun they have as if it is easy to get one and it's normal and everybody should have one, etc...
It makes me have suicidal thoughts. I want a girlfriend so badly and when I see everybody easily getting one and talking causally about it, it drives me nuts because I have this image and thought in my mind that I will never get a girl and I will die a virgin. (hell, even a friend thats a girl, hell a FRIEND). There is a girl at my school that I think might like me, she always says hi to me when we pass in the hallway and has even talked to me about how she got braces and asked if I had any suggestions for the pain.
But I dont know how to talk to girls. I feel they are judging my every move, and looking at me in disgust. Thats how I feel about everybody, really. When ever I make eye contact with another girl they almost always will look away, and I have read that means they like you but I doubt that and I think it means they are appalled that somebody like me would have the nerve to look in their general direction.
To make matters worse, there are a number of people who think I'm gay because I hardly ever say anything.
I have so many problems this post dosnt even convey a fraction of them, I will add more in replies. Please I need help I dont know what to do anymore and I often try to think of what would be the quickest and most painless way to kill myself.
At school, during my free periods and lunch period, I do not go to the lunch room. Ever. I am to embarrassed. Instead I go to the math lab to do my homework or if I dont have any, I go up to a hallway that is almost never used and just sit until the period is over.
My parents, other adults and even some other girls have told me I am really good looking, but I never think so. Whenever I go on forums that are primarily made up of people around my age, even geek computer forums, I see everybody causally talking about their GF and all the fun they have as if it is easy to get one and it's normal and everybody should have one, etc...
It makes me have suicidal thoughts. I want a girlfriend so badly and when I see everybody easily getting one and talking causally about it, it drives me nuts because I have this image and thought in my mind that I will never get a girl and I will die a virgin. (hell, even a friend thats a girl, hell a FRIEND). There is a girl at my school that I think might like me, she always says hi to me when we pass in the hallway and has even talked to me about how she got braces and asked if I had any suggestions for the pain.
But I dont know how to talk to girls. I feel they are judging my every move, and looking at me in disgust. Thats how I feel about everybody, really. When ever I make eye contact with another girl they almost always will look away, and I have read that means they like you but I doubt that and I think it means they are appalled that somebody like me would have the nerve to look in their general direction.
To make matters worse, there are a number of people who think I'm gay because I hardly ever say anything.
I have so many problems this post dosnt even convey a fraction of them, I will add more in replies. Please I need help I dont know what to do anymore and I often try to think of what would be the quickest and most painless way to kill myself.