please help! fear of harming someone and indecision

[ocdgirl1]

Hi,

I'm new here. I am panicked with a major decision. I have had ocd for a long time, but only recently developed severe responsibility contamination ocd. I am supposed to move back home , like starting tomorrow. But the place I have been living, basically the entire city, is contaminated as is all of my things. I am terrified that if I bring my things back home they will contaminate the area and hurt the people I love who live there.

I am not sure that I can clean everything well enough and I'm looking ahead and thinking of how chapped and cut up my hands will be.

I feel terribly guilty that I am wanting to move back for my own happiness and sacrificing the safety of the people I care for. I know that the danger is probably less than I feel, but I can't see taking the risk with people's safety. What should I do, move or not move? Anyone else have this type of issue? How do you deal with it?

Thank you very very much

 

[ryder2010]

I'm sorry to hear of your suffering. I too suffer from fears of harming loved ones, but not in the same way you describe. I just wanted to let you know that you have a right to be happy and that your happiness should be very important to you. I now you feel that the people you will live with might be at risk because of contaminants, however I doubt very much that they themselves see it as a risk. If they do not feel as though they are at risk then you shouldn't either. The only way you will ever be free of this is to take risks. I now this a frightening prospect, but you will not hurt/harm anyone. You must have faith in yourself. I think you need to do what is right for you. If you want to move in, then move in. You must assume that if anyone had an issue with this, then they'd tell you so. I wish you the best of luck!

 

[Feathers]

Hi ocdgirl! & Welcome!

I can relate a bit. What do you fear it's contaminated with though? Is it real or imagined/perceived? (What facts are there for contamination: any toxicity reports or is it about bacteria or lab experiments or radiation? Chemical factories or big farms or...?)

It would be easier to answer then.

Also, if you harm your hands you're probably not doing anyone any good (as toxins or bacteria could enter bloodstream or you could get like 'athlete's foot' but on your fingers..) It depends on what you're dealing with, so do tell more..

How toxic/problematic is the stuff you are talking about, what amounts would seriously harm anyone? How realistic is it that someone would eg lick your shoes or such? What amount could be transfered by hand/skin?