Physical attraction vs emotional attraction

[squidgee]

Now this is a bit of a sensitive topic for me, even for a forum like this where people are generally more understanding and supportive. Just putting that out there.

I find myself in the unfortunate predicament of struggling to decide whether physical attraction or emotional attraction to another is more important. I ask this because I highly suspect I'm homosexual. I'm attracted to the physical qualities of men, but I simply can't see myself in a more emotionally attached relationship with people of the same sex. For women, it's the complete opposite. I feel as if I could really connect emotionally, but the physical attraction just isn't there.

I don't know whether I've just been conditioned to think this way due to Western societal expectations, or maybe I'm still in the midst of exploring my sexuality (I'm 17 years old). I've weighed the pros and cons of pursuing either, and I'm slightly leaning towards a relationship with a woman. But if I did this, I feel as if I wouldn't be staying true to myself. It'd also be unfair for the woman if she falsely believed that I was straight. On the flipside, pursuing a relationship with a guy just isn't widely accepted and I'd be prone to the social stigma and judgement that comes from being a homosexual. Not only that, but like I said, I can't see myself forming a very meaningful long-term relationship with a guy. As of now, I'm thinking that the emotional part of a relationship is more important.

Is this just something I'll figure out by myself as I grow older, because I've been pretty uncertain about this for some time. Some feedback would be greatly appreciated, wonder if there's anyone going through/has gone through a similar situation.

 

[kihira]

I would agree that emotional connection is more important for a long term relationship, but that could take a while before finding someone with who you would want that serious relationship. I think its ok for now to explore and discover more about yourself without getting too serious and see how your views change over time. Don't be put off by attitudes towards gay relationships, they are widely accepted and becoming more so, though there will always be those against it. Lol at your comment in the edit section, it reminded me of having to watch some of an annoying american sitcom with a stereotypically camp couple in it

 

[BlackPuma]

Could it maybe be the type of men you've until this point considered as romantic partners?

Like for example, if you knew men with the emotional qualities you value in women, (ignoring the social stigma for a second) do see see yourself starting something with that person?

Because if so, the social stigma might be the only hurdle you need to overcome. I know that I was for the longest time only attracted to men physically because a romantic relationship seemed ''gayer'' in the eyes of the public. The thought alone made me uneasy.

But when I learned to pay less attention to social judgement, and started to consider men as women with different qualities, that sentiment turned right around. The line between men and women are now blurred beyond recognition for me. It's now all just people with different qualities.

Of course, I'm not sure how much this method will aid you, as I myself am bisexual and the comparison between gender was quite direct since attraction is pretty much equal. But try to consider not which qualities keep you from liking men emotionally, but rather what qualities it would take for you to like them that way. And when doing so, try to identify exactly how much social judgement holds you back.

 

[Lilly789]

Wat? I don't understand the apparent need to make a black or white decision before anything has even happened.

why don't you stop over thinking it and do whatever you feel and whatever comes naturally when the situation presents itself?

if you actually have both a guy and a girl you need to make a decision between now, then your thinking demonstrates you're probably not really interested in either of them- definitely not a relationship.

There's not just "gay" and "hetero". There's also bisexual, and a billion shades between the three. Relax. You don't need a label - not anyone elses OR your own.

 

[TreeBones]

I can sort of relate.
I'm female and for the most part I'm straight, but there's something I just find really beautiful about women, physically and emotionally and not even in a sexual way. But sometimes for no reason I will start to think of a girl in a sexual way. I think it would be easier to be in a relationship with a girl because for the most part girls connect more, and I hate to use gender stereotypes here, but it just doesn't seem like men do.
I pretty much agree with everyone else who commented. Do what feels right when the time comes and try not to think of what other people would think of your choices. Whatever makes you happier

 

[alxbkr]

Emotional should always be a priority. But you're young so go find yourself. Don't settle too soon.