Phases

[den1]

Does anyone else here go through phases of feeling really good and thinking positavly and then for some reason everything goes back to normal?

For the past 2 weeks I have felt brilliant, I have had a very positive picture in my mind of how I look, talk and come across to people.

I woke up yesterday and felt the total oposite, I feel weak, ugly, scruffy, depressed and not capable to deal with the stress of life

I feel like an outsider who isn't welcome.


I've just got home to my mum and dads from uni and gone straight upstairs and started crying, this makes me feel like I am a weak person and a coward.




I HATE having this shitty disorder.

Why do I have to think this way?

I am bullying myself and can't controll it.

 

[Winter]

yeh I go through phases like that too, like one month I feel great and like I'm making progress then next I feel like crap and that I'll never get over it. I guess the best thing to do wen you feel the depressive phase coming on is try to force positive thoughts into your head

 

[thequietone]

:x Definitely. And it can be so frustrating.

Every time we reach that "good place" that positive state of mind, it's like we've won a war. That's why it's so devastating to slip. I think it's just a part of what this disorder is about. All you can do is be grateful for the good times. The frustration comes from being too hard on ourselves. I probably consider myself a perfectionist--I expect a lot from myself in all areas of life, and that's one thing I'm trying to work on.

den1, imagine yourself as another person, a person in a story. I sometimes find that it's easier to be gentler with others compared to myself, maybe it is the same for you. You deserve the same respect and kindness that you would grant another person! Go easy. If you found the light once, it's within your power to find it again.

 

[den1]

Yeah it's taken a long time and hard work for me to get to how I am today and I honestly beleive I am on the brink of getting better but I keep on slipping backwards every now and then.

Yeah I havent got it in me to be nasty to anyone, even If they've have been nasty to me, nad thats not because I want to do something bad but don't have the guts, its more that I would find no satisfaction in it so what would be the point?

I think I give people far too much respect that they deserve or definetly apreciate sometimes.


Just to have a rant lol

There's this guy at my uni who I know doesn't like me for some reason and I've come to terms with the fact that some people might just not like me, like some people iritate me.

I can hold a conversation sometimes nowadays, but would be considered as generaly a quiet person, whenever I'm talking in a group I see this look of disguist on his face lol :lol:

Nowadays I just find that shit funny so instead of making snide remarks or being nasty back to him, I go out of my way to be overly friendly to him in a bit of a jokerish manner, like I'm taking the piss a little bit, and the guy doesn't know what to say and is probably really confused as to why I'm like this with him lol.



Just thought I'de share that interesting story with you all

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[xSleepy]

i had one of those good days yesterday. i was on top of the world. but now today, i feel horrible.
everytime im in a really good happy mood i fear that something really bad is gonna happen. cause with me, something always brings me back down into my dark depressed hole again. so i dont even get to enjoy being happy, cause i know something bad will happen and i need to prepare myself for it. that probably sounds strange, but its true.

 

[thequietone]

that is an interesting story, den1. You sound pretty confident to me, to be able to mess with this guy's head! Congratulations!

I understand what you mean about "preparing" yourself, SleepingBeauty. Sometimes that fall can be so devastating, you don't want to get your hopes up. In the summer and t the beginning of this year I was in such a good place, I never even had to find support on this site! I thought I was on my way to full recovery, whatever that means. But I think this is just an up and down kind of thing. I just have to accept the fact that there is no MIRACLE cure, and what life is about is finding and re-finding that good feeling.
I try to take in all the little joys of life and make them as big as possible to make life bearable. If I see a leaf drift off a tree and into a puddle, I take the time to soak in the beauty of that moment. When a bunch of pigeons shoots off from the top of a gas station, I take note of the pattern they make in the sky.
:lol: You guys probably think I'm crazy I guess what I'm saying is...take joy where you can find it. And remember that even during the "bad days" there are good parts too if you pay attention.